What the butt-card-swipe is happening, all you disgruntled mofos who have that ONE ANNOYING FRIEND who thinks it’s the HEIGHT OF FUCKING HILARITY to wait until your asscrack is exposed and jump in with their credit card so they can slide unforgiving plastic down your butt and over the bisected wrinkles of your fear-puckered dirt star, unbeknownst to them you’ve prepared a trap and eaten several dozen ghost pepper burritos, a jar of sauerkraut, and a couple bites of some decomposing rodent, just so when they try and pull their ass-swiping bullshit, you’re cocked, locked, and ready to—

—PUUUuuhhhh…—

The hissy fart takes them by complete surprise, causing them to straighten up and blink in confusion, the next instant they’re gagging and clutching their goddamn throat, sobbing and wailing, “It kills, it KILLS!”  A moment later they’re seizing on the ground like a fish out of water, holy shit you didn’t mean to put them in mortal fucking danger, you try and give them CPR but the neighbors already called SWAT so you slip out the window like Jason fucking Bourne and navigate your way around a high-rise corner as floodlights hit you and a megaphoned voice demands that you get back indoors and lay on your belly, the WHUP-WHUP-WHUP of helicopter rotors drowns everything out and aggressive techno-music kicks into gear as you realize that life as you know it is fucking OVER, you’re a goddamn fugitive, an enemy of the state—

Jesus Christ, man!  Just butt-swipe ’em back or draw a dick on their face!  You don’t need to become a 90s action trope!  Mother of FUCK!

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my various-genred books!  First up is my YA fantasy series, the Unbound Realm.  Volume 1 is A Door into Evermoor.  Paperback here: A Door into Evermoor, paperback.  I’ve just published volume 2:  Weapons of Old  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!  #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing

🙂 🙂 😀