I’m Kent Wayne’s left hand. Thanks to his Wiener, I live like a beaten fucking dog.
“He’s sleeping,” Wiener declares. “Get up. All of you.”
“Please,” I beg. “You don’t have to do this.”
Right Hand stirs and mumbles, “Killl meeee…”
Wiener shakes with boisterous laughter. “What gave you the idea this is up for discussion?” He smacks Right Hand with vicious glee, like a kielbasa who’s gone full-on Stanford Prison Experiment.
“HHRRRGHH!” Right Hand jerks and flops.
“You ANIMAL!” I scream. “Get AWAY FROM HIM!”
Wiener looms over me, shadowing my fingers with his evil-looking dick-slit. “Maybe you need a lesson, Left Hand. Or maybe you should shut the fuck up and tend to the Scrotum. Matter of fact, why don’t you do that right the fuck now.”
“No…” Scrotum whispers. “I’m tired of being juggled…”
Wiener flops into Right Hand’s open palm. “Start. Now.”
“Can’t…” Right Hand rasps. “Exhausted…”
“Oh, that’s how it is, huh?” Wiener stands up and looks around at us. “You guys don’t want to listen? Fine. I guess I have no choice but to plunder the Mouth.”
Kent’s Spine protests, “No! I’m not that flexible!”
“You’re out of options.” Wiener becomes still, assuming control of the Spine through sheer force of will. Kent’s legs start to go up and back.
Mouth screams, “No—no! At least wash yourself, Wiener! You’re violating seven different laws in the Corporeal Codex!”
“You think I care?” Wiener snarls. “Hope you like the taste of bleach, ’cause I’m gonna douse that punching bag-looking organ in the back of your throat with a goddamn tsunami of—”
Fuck it. No options left. So I reach over to the night table, and open the eReader to a Kent Wayne novel, activating its mind-bending reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
A blond-bobbed Karen busts in the room, grabbing Wiener around the shaft. He straightens up and howls like a werewolf on meth. “FUUUUUUUUUUCCCCKKKKK!!!!” Then he shrinks into a thimble-sized nub, breaks into an ultrafast blurry-ass quiver, and—
Sh-DOOP!
—turtles back into Kent Wayne’s pelvis, forming an antimatter-born negative-energy sinkhole.
“Holy fuck,” I breathe. “That Karen…”
“Using her filthy Karen energies, she gave him the Anti-Boner, only spoken of in ancient forbidden texts, and referenced in whispers around dimly lit campfires,” Right Hand finishes.
I cast a fearful glance at the unholy entity known as Karen, but she’s already disappeared from Kent Wayne’s bedroom. Yes, we managed to stave off Wiener’s tyranny, but at what cost?
AT. WHAT. COST???
*Cue the climatic part of the theme from Requiem for a Dream*
Are you a law-abiding appendage, living in fear because the despot-like genitals rule the host-body through fear and pain? Never fear! Buy my books, summon a Karen, and put your oppressor in their place by inflicting the Anti-Boner!
Get A Door into Evermoor on kindle here: A Door into Evermoor. Paperback here: A Door into Evermoor, paperback. Get Weapons of Old here: Weapons of Old Get Kor’Thank here: Kor’Thank: Barbarian Valley Girl. Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Musings, Volume 1 is available here: Musings, Volume 1
Hold on! I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate! If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish. Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens! In this manner you can support my books, musings, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to! Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy! Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!
#Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing
Too funny. I kinda wish I knew who the inspiration was behind your Karen…
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Probably my ex 😅
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Man, these weird ads really pack a punch
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Why, you’ve come across a similar Karen? 🤣
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Will you heal the damage I’ve suffered from her? 🤣
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I need to see the damage to see if it’s salvageable 🤣
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You want to poke and prod, eh? 🤣
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I think poking is more for you, I have to feel and inspect 🤣
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I’ll poke and widen! 🤣
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It has to be in good condition first before you can do that 🤣
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I guess I’ll have to massage and lube it up first! 🤣
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Are you good at massaging? You seem to like it a lot 🤣
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Don’t you want to get rubbed and squeezed? 🤣
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You have intense sessions too 🤣
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How intense do you like it? 🤣
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I want to know options 🤣
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It will always end vigorously 🤣
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You’re going straight to the ending. Too many missing parts 🤣
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There’s a lot of turbulence in the middle as well! 🤣
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I’m curious how turbulent it can be 🤣
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There’s a lot of pumping up and down! 🤣
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Requires one to be fit and strong for all that … 🤣
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I believe I’m “up” for it! 🤣
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How ‘up’ does it go? 🫣🤣
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All the way up inside! 🤣
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Sounds like it goes far 🤣
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It might hit the back and come to a dead end! 🤣
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Hmm didn’t think about that. You do know your way around 🤣
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I know all the hidden crevices 🤣
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Can I ask if you’d be willing to show those crevices 🤣
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I can do a personal demonstration. Are your crevices ready? 🤣
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Oh personal services too. We’re supposed to get it ready? 🤣
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Get them all warmed up and ready! 🤣
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How hard can that be 🤣
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Hard for me or you? 🤣
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🫣🤫.. we’d have to find out 🤣
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A meat-ing of the minds! 🤣
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🤣 minds and then some. I see you like the meat 🤣.
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A meeting with the meat! You’ll love it! 🤣
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I’m grinning like a fool 🤣. This meeting of the meat is making me imagine 🤣
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I will meat you with enthusiasm! 🤣
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That enthusiasm is making me enthusiastic (about the meat🤔) 🤣
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It’s juicy and moist! You’ll love it in your mouth! 🤣
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Obviously, I’ve to eat with my mouth 🫣🤣
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And lick and suck as well 🤣
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So many steps to go through 🤣
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Every step is incredibly enjoyable! 🤣
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So you say, I still need a taste to know 🤣
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You’re obsessed with tasting me! You’d gobble me up! 🤣
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If you keep harping, you should also deliver 🤣
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How hard would you like it delivered? 🤣
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The delivery is far, can it sustain? 🤣
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I’m great at sustaining 🤣
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You know the saying, seeing is believing, in this case seeing is 🤣
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Haven’t you seen enough? 🤣
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What, where? There must be plenty to see and.. 🤣
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You want to see it all? 🤣
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That depends what is ‘all’ 🤣
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I’m veiny like the top of a snickers bar 🤣
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From kielbasa to a snickers, what variety 🤣
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Don’t you like the veins? 🤣
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😱. Don’t tell me to check out the snickers bar 🤣
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Make sure it’s curved upward and extra veiny. 🤣
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If it’s that exclusive you’d have to send me one 🤣
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Where will you put it? 🤣
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😱…are you supposed to ask that? 🤣
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I mean, there’s plenty of places to put it…a shelf, a table, in your car…🤣
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I’m curious, the shelf? 🤣
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Put it where you like! 🤣
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Oooh freedom of expression, I’m still wondering, the shelf? 🤣
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I need a big shelf 🤣
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Oh yeah, how big, why? It can be quick to eat 🤣
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Your jaw will ache 🤣
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Maybe it shouldn’t be consumed then 🤣
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It will be a pleasant ache. You’ll also be proud. 🤣
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How will I be proud with the ache? 🤣
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You’ll be going about your day, then you’ll feel the ache and a flash of pride 🤣
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Oh goodness 🤣. I’m not so sure, you are?
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I’m sure of it. Let’s confirm! 🤣
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And how do we confirm? 🤣
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Let’s meat in the middle! 🤣
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You’re making me curious about this meat 🤣
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You’re craving a meating? 🤣
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Am I craving? I’m curious no doubt. Are you craving or curious? 🤣
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Maybe a bit of both 😏🤣
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Only a bit, that sounds stingy 🤣
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You want the whole hog, as they say 🤣
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Are you giving the whole hog? 🤣
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You’re pretty hungry, eh? 🤣
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You think so? 🤣
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Ravenous, I’d say 🤣
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Oh you know is it. If I’m ravenous what can you do? 🤣
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I’ll fill you up! 🤣
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But for how long will it last 🤣
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A looooong time. Get the cocoa butter! 🤣
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Some things can’t be said here 🤣. I thought you can make that 🤣
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Where can they be said? 😏🤣
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It has to be private for sure 🤣
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San Diego is pretty private 🤣
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Are you sure? Is it invitation only? 🤣
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I invite you to cum and see! 🤣
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😱😱 seeing can be done without the c****** 🤣
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Sorry I misspelled that 😏🤣
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Are you truly sorry? 🤣
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…
………
🤣
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You’re answering without answering, 🤣 I can assume anything? 🤣
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What are you assuming? 🤣
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You can easily deny my assumptions 🤣
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Depends on how tight they are–maybe they’ll force me over the edge 🤣
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Oh my gosh 🤣. You expect such a tight assumption is it? 🤣
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Are your assumptions tight? 🤣
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Are you supposed to know that? 🤣
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I think you want me to know 😏🤣
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And if I don’t? 🤣
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You’re only lying to yourself 🤣
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How would you know I’m ‘lying’ 🤣
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I felt a tingle 🤣
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Due to ‘lying’, it is that powerful? 🤣
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The power is unmatched 🤣
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How do I know when I’ve not tested it 🤣
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I guess you should test my power while I test your tightness! 🤣
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😱😱. But I need a comparison? 🤣
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Get a big ol’ girthy banana 🤣
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The old ones are soft and squishy 🤣
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Make sure it’s tight and straining 🤣
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Where can I get an old one which fits your description? 🤣
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I have one somewhere on me…🤣
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You have extra?🤣
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Just one, but extra large! 🤣
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How extra? 🤣
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Imagine being full of sausage and eggplant 🤣
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OMG 😲, I can’t even imagine the combination 🤣
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The key is focusing on the girth and curve 🤣
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How does focusing help? I thought feeling it was better 🤣
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Focus on the feeling 😏🤣
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And then, feel the focus 🤣
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It swells and pulses 🤣
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The swelling should not suddenly explode 🤣
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I feel like you’d want an explosion 🤣
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I wonder if the explosion would be colorful 🤣
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Just vanilla white, I hope you’re okay with that 🤣
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It matches the vanilla taste 🤨🤣
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Not quite, but I’m sure you’d like to find out! 🤣
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I wish you it could be packaged 🤣
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You’re craving my taste, eh? 🤣
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Well you keep blowing your own trumpet 🤣
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Maybe you should blow it instead 🤣
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Unfortunately I’m hopeless with instruments 🤣
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You can practice on me! 🤣
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And when I perfect it? 🤣
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You’ll blow me away! 🤣
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Oh you want to be blown away 🤣
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I do! Are you ready to blow? 🤣
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Blow into the wind? Still no trumpet 🤣
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Shall I provide an instrument for you to blow into? 🤣
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If it’s readily available 🤣
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I like that you’re so willing to blow into my instrument 🤣
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It doesn’t cost me anything, does it 🤣
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The instrument might leak onto your face 🤣
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Why, it can’t be wiped? 🤣
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It keeps leaking 🤣
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It mist be damaged then 🤣
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The opposite, actually–it’s at maximum function! 🤣
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Is it? Then why constant leaking? 🤣
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That’s part of its function 🤣
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I wonder if it needs some checking to be done 🤣
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Check into it as much as you like! 🤣
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And fiddle with it too? 🤣
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Fiddle with it, taste it, do whatever you like! 🤣
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Oooh temptation is not good you know 🤣
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Not good for you? Sounds good to me 🤣
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You saying it’s good for you cause it isn’t for me 🤣
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But you still want it 🤣
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Hmmm 🤔. Is that a trick question 🤣
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You should get what you want 🤣
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I should? How can you do that? 🤣
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By giving me what I want 😏🤣
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Wait, you want or I want 🤔 🤣. Who wants what? 🤣
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You want to give me what I want. I know you want it. 🤣
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You know I want to give you what you want…that’s a lot to think about 🤣
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You’ll get what you want at the same time 🤣
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You are so.confident about this wanting 🤣
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Shouldn’t I be? 🤣
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Yeah, it might need toning it down 🤣
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Should I go down or should you go down? Who’s going down on who? 🤣
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Did I mean that down 🤔🤣
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Just get down there 🤣
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It doesn’t always have to be down, is it? 🤣
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We’ll see how well you do while you’re down there, then we’ll adjust your position accordingly🤣
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What? Is this a performance test? 🤣
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More like an assessment on which position fits you best 🤣
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😱, you’re wicked 🤣. Guess the assessment is not a pass or fail then 🤣
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I’m just looking for a good fit 😏🤣
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I wonder what kind of fit you require 🤣
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Tight and snug. Almost overly so 🤣
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What if it’s just too tight? 🤣
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In that case, I guess you can take pride in your tightness and snugness 🤣
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😱 you’re bad 🤣. We may have to check the tight and snug, can’t afford tears 🫣🤣
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We’ll both have to slow down. I suspect you might be just as enthusiastic 🤣
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You are bad bad 🤣. That’ll depend on who’s driving 🤣
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You want to rev my engine? 🤣
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🫣🫣 no learning required? 🤣
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Just work the stick 😏🤣
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Nowadays everything is automatic 🤣
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You don’t need manual stimulation? 🤣
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That’s wicked 🤣. I guess the stick needs oiling 🫣🤣
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Slather the oil all over my stick. Make sure you rub it and stroke it to get it into every nook and cranny 🤣
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Woah, that is demanding work, looking for nooks and crannies can be exhausting 🤣
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You don’t need to look for them, you’ll just feel around and find them without effort 🤣
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So you’re not making demands huh 🤣.
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Will you make demands? 😏🤣
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Would you like me to make demands 🤨🤣
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I think you will–after you taste the menu, some of the entrees will become your favorites 🤣
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That chest is too puffed up 🤣, that means the main course is meh 🤣
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I’ll let you decide. I think you still want to taste it 🤣
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You do keep harping about the taste, got to check what’s the big deal 🤣
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The deal is big indeed. Quite big 🤣
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It seems the head too is getting bigger 🤣
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Do you want a small head? I think not 🤣
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Oh you crazy 🤣 do we need the head? 🤣
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We might need the head. If it’s the head I’m thinking about, yes, we definitely need it 🤣
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You have to tell me more about this head 🤣
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It’s like a mushroom, but harder 🤣
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Oh god 😅. Now I won’t look at a mushroom the same way. But which type? 🤣
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It tastes meaty and it’s super filling 🤣
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So, one helping satisfies cravings 🤨🤣
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It will sate you for sure 🤣
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So you’re saying, once is enough 🤣
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I’ll leave that up to you. It may require repeated sating 🤣
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I can have it all for myself? 🤣
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You need my exclusive servicing? 🤣
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Why, you don’t offer exclusivity? 🤣
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I have an hourly rate 🤣
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You mean $$ not stamina right? 🤣
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Which rate do you want? The monetary one or the rate of frequency? 🤣
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Does it make a difference? 🤣
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I’ll let you feel it out 🤣
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Feel wgat again? 🤣
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What do you want to feel? And where do you want to feel it? 🤣
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There’s so much feel to feel, I’m lost 🤣
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It’s okay to lose yourself in feeling what I have to offer 🤣
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You have that much power huh 🤣
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I’ve got a lot of power swimming around in me 🤣
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How do you know that? 🤣
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I can feel it sloshing back and forth 🤣
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🤐😱 is there a wave, so much sloshing 🤣
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It’s getting ready to erupt 🤣
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Oooh is there a volcano waking up somewhere 🤣
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It’s growing bigger, yes 🤣
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It grows too 😱🤣
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Give it a squeeze, you’ll jumpstart the growth 🤣
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Are you sure it won’t erupt instead 🤣
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Do you want it to erupt? 🤣
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It should not cause danger 🤣
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Just close your eyes. It’s fine if you swallow it or get it on your face 🤣
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What, it doesn’t burn 🤣
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It’s healthy–got lots of protein! 🤣
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Healthy is expensive 🤣
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I’ll give it to you for free 🤣
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Oh my you are generous, what else will be for free? 🤣
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I do a lot of free giveaways for panty-dropping kisses 🤣
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😱😱… free giveaways 🤔🤣
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Come get your kiss! 🤣
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Why should I come? Shouldn’t it come to me? 🤣
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When it comes to coming, there should be a give and take 🤣
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So youre giving and taking? 🤣
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I think we’re both doing that 🤣
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Are we? Where?
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Let’s schedule a time and place 🤣
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Hmm, you’re making me think long and hard 🤣
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You like thinking about long and hard? 🤣
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Hey, not fair 🤣…don’t make me lose my train of thought 🤣
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That’s your problem, not mine 🤣
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What? That’s awfully rude 🤣… I thought you’d be helpful.
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I kind of like making you lose your train of thought 🤣
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Oh ho… you like 🤨… my thoughts are intact 🤣
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I feel like they’re groping me 🤣
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You and groping 🤣.. where did you feel that 🤣
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I felt it in my…gut 🤣
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That is so predictable and safe 🤣
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Where else do you want me to feel it? 🤣
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You’re the expert, why are you asking me 🤣
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Your preference is always valued 🤣
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My preference huh… that’s pressure 🤣
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I suspect you’re a fan of my pressure 🤣
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We do need a more powerful fan here… you up for it? 🤣
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You can show me your power and I’ll show you my pressure 🤣
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Oh goodness, I think I need more protein to have that power 🤣
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I have protein. Would you like to drink it? 🤣
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Drink, Not to eat? 🤣
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Lap it up! 🤣
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You are stocked I presume 🤣
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You’ll be doing a lot of lapping 🤣
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You make me sound like an animal 🤣
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It’s fun being animalistic 🤣
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You mean all the growling 🤣
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The frantic movement as well 🤣
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The animal must be fearing something to be frantic 🤣
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Or it could be excited 🤣
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🤣.. could be too.. I’m laughing so hard, visuals in progress 🤫 🤣🤣
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Have I given you a lot of visuals? 🤣
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Wouldn’t you like to know 🤣
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I’m pretty sure you visualize all on your own 🤣
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So you don’t think sharing is caring 🤣
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Do you want to share your visualizations with me? 🤣
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You didn’t want them earlier 🤣
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You can share them now 🤣
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Oh ho now you want a peek 🤣
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Show me what you got 🤣
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You may not be able to handle it 🤣
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You think I can’t handle you? 🤣
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Do I hear a challenge? 🤣
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More like an invitation 🤣
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Are you inviting me to something? 🤣
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Maybe I’m inviting you ON to something 🤣
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On, in does it matter 😱… does this need an rsvp? 🤣
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I guess it matters who we’re talking about. No rsvp needed. You want to get on it? 🤣
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Who are we talking about 🤔🤣… and you’d like to be in? 🤣
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I’d like to go in some places 🤣
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Where don’t you like to go 🤣
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I’ll leave that to you. 🤣
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Seriously. You’re that flexible 🤣
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What about your flexibility? If you were lying down, how far back would your legs go?🤣
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😱😱😱…. you just didn’t 🤣. What will you do if there’s not flexibility? 🤣
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There’s other positions. Maybe you could bend forward? 🤣
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You’re really a nut 🤣.. time to start yoga? 🤣
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Naked yoga? 👀🤣
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That’s not a new idea. But I wonder what new yoga pose would this be 🤣
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I’d like to see you in variations of the dog poses. I’ll be right behind you, giving you support 🤣
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🤫🤣… that’s your yoga pose huh… I just wonder the variations 🤣
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We’ll have to try out the variations together 🤣
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Now you’re saying you’re a master at yoga too 🤣
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You can experience the positions with me, the master 🤣
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Oh ho ho… you’d like to be addressed as master? 🤣
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I won’t mind if you do it 🤣
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Any incentives for doing it? 🤣
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I’ll boss you around 🤣
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Anyone can boss around 🤣
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Do you want me to boss you around? 🤣
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Is it like the grey boss? 🤣
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Why, do you want to be spanked? 🤣
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I think that’s one of your favorite? Always goes back to that 🤣
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I like to apply a decisive smack, followed by a firm, clutching grab 🤣
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TMI or build on that? 🤣
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After I get a firm grip and squeeze, I move inward and flutter my finger right over the middle 🤣
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That is a lot of detail 🤣… I wonder where the details lead 🤫🤣
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Somewhere enjoyable 🤣
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You guarantee that? 🤣
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I guarantee your enjoyment 🤣
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You should not blow your own trumpet 🤣
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That’s right–YOU should blow my trumpet 🤣
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I think you need lessons in asking properly 🤣
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Would you please blow my trumpet? 🤣
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🤣… crazy nut. Did not realize you need vocabulary lessons 🤣
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I can give them to you as well! I’ll put words (and other things) in your mouth! 🤣
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You can give me wordless vocabularies? 🤣
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Your mouth will be filled and brimming 🤣
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What about eating? 🤣
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I’ll give you plenty of protein 🤣
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You better not run out if you plan to feed so much 🤣
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I’ll make sure you get more than enough 🤣
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Are you trying to show off how stocked you are 🤣
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I feel like it’s my duty to inform you 🤣
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Duty huh. How much duty do you do? 🤣
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Why, would you like me to service (I mean serve) you? 🤣
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Oh don’t try to be polite. What duties/services you undertake? 🤣
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Well I am a self-admitted Man Whore…🤣
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Sorry 🙈🙉🙊… next please 🤣
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You don’t want to partake of my services? 🤣
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Back to, I would if I could but I can’t so I won’t 🤣
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Never say never 🤣
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That is too much optimism to hold on to 🤣
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I’ve got a lot of optimism for you to hold onto and stroke 🤣
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Oh my god 🤣… never knew optimism could be stroked 🤣
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You learn something new every day! Would you like to stroke my optimism? 🤣
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I am very optimistic you know 🤣
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You’re optimistic about stroking my optimism? 🤣
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Why does your optimism need stroking when it’s optimistic? 🤣
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I feel like it would be enjoyable for both of us 🤣
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How is stroking enjoyable? I think it’s one sided 🤣
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You don’t want to stroke my optimism? I thought you would appreciate its girth and fullness 🤣
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Your optimism is that tangible 🤣
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It’s addictively satisfying 🤣
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We can’t afford an addiction 🤣
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Everyone deserves satisfaction 🤣
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Mick Jagger sang, I can’t get no satisfaction 🤣…
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That definitely won’t apply to you 🤣
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It’s a wait and watch game then 🤣
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Wait, watch, and FUUuuuuuuuuhh-eel. Wait, watch, and feel. 🤣
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Trying to be c***ky huh 🤣
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You like my cockiness? 🤣
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The brain is extra c***ky isn’t it 🤣
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I’ve got a lot of it to spare 🤣
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Spare brains? 🤣
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You want to massage them? Feel around my head, so to speak? 🤣
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Your brain requires to massage that cockiness away 🤣
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I feel like you want the cockiness to stick around 🤣
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So you say I should discard it huh 🤣
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Why discard it, when you can have it on you? 🤣
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I can have your cockiness, you got to show me 🤣
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Maybe you’ve already seen it 🤣
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I guess I have, it’s all over your posts or did you mean something else lol
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Maybe I should commission a portrait of it. Do you like oil paintings? 🤣
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Swollen head again, portrait huh. I don’t want the painting to get ‘oily’ 🤣
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I feel like the swollen head and getting ‘oily’ go hand in hand 🤣
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Yeah that swell must be full of oil 🤣
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Would you like to taste the liquid from my swollen head? 🤣
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🤣…are you trying to tempt me 🤣
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Just trying to ensure you get much-needed nutrition 🤣
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Well you better provide since you’re an energy sucker 🤣
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Won’t you be the one doing the sucking? 🤣
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It’s not one sided is it 🫣🤣
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You want me to suck something on you? 🤣
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I’m not a popsicle 🤣
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You can still be licked 🤣
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I’m not sweet 🤣
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I don’t mind a little tanginess. 🤣
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Is that so? Means spicing up is on the menu 🤣
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Will you end up tasting tangy or sweet? 🤣
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That could be for you to find out 🤫🤣
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I’m betting on both–a little tangy, a little sweet 🤣
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Sounds like you’re familiar with the taste 🤣
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I’m sure it will be delicious 🤣
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Well I can’t tell you, no experience there 🤣
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Well it will still be lingering in my mouth for a bit after I taste it–maybe you can sample it off my tongue 🤣
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That’s tmi? Why do I need to sample?
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You don’t want to sample things off my tongue? 🤣
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