What the dicktrap is happening, all you meatbeaters who have gotten all fancy and started flogging your penis with premium lube, right after you bust it hardens and you realize holy fuck it isn’t lube it’s FUCKING SUPERGLUE a winch-driven tether shoots from the ceiling, hooks your elbow and steadily begins to pull your arm upwards, it’s only matter of time before it rips from your wiener and inflicts unimaginable damage, no options left GOTTA SAVE THE DICK AND GNAW OFF YOUR HAND—

And THAT, my friends, is why you keep it simple and beat off dry!  You never know when a Saw-level sadist will replace your Asspounder Gun Oil with a horrifically strong, industrial-grade adhesive!  Take a note from the dicks of old—they defeated Hitler with sunbaked glans, chapped and calloused from working on the farm and sprinting uphill both ways to school in the waist-deep snow!  They weren’t using AI-powered robo-vajeens, machine-gun buttplugs, or any of these other high-falutin contraptions!  Jesus!

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my various-genred books!  First up is my YA fantasy series, the Unbound Realm.  Volume 1 is A Door into Evermoor.  Paperback here: A Door into Evermoor, paperback.  I’ve just published volume 2:  Weapons of Old  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!  #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing

🙂 🙂 😀