What the dust-dick is happening, all you dry-spell mofos who are looking down at your sad withered peen which could feasibly double as Théoden King of Rohan when Grima Wormtongue was poisoning his mind with evil sibilant whispers, sometimes it coughs up desiccated sperm and speaks in a quavery voice that would evoke condescending laughter from Abe fucking Simpson, suddenly your eyes alight on your brand new crush, the sun crests the horizon and angels sings as its golden light envelops your life-deprived wiener, you stretch your arms back like Andy Dufresne in Shawshank Redemption after escaping from hell and reveling in his glorious rebirth, only to be interrupted by your potential romantic interest screeching in disgust, pointing at your enlivening meat and demand WHY THE FUCK DO YOU HAVE YOUR DICK OUT JESUS CHRIST IT’S LIKE A GERIATRIC MEALWORM—

And THAT, my friends, is why you save the celestial penile recharge for the privacy of your own goddamned home!  Doesn’t matter if Gandalf himself starts commanding your knobgoblin and driving out a bunch of evil spirits, no one needs to see it while they’re out and about!

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my various-genred books!  First up is my YA fantasy series, the Unbound Realm.  Volume 1 is A Door into Evermoor.  I’ve just published volume 2:  Weapons of Old  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!  #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing

🙂 🙂 😀