Bit o’ shrooms, bit o’ Tacoma FD followed by some bomb-ass kdramas…

As I’m drifting off on my gamete-coated futon, my closet door bangs open—it’s my rabid ex, Irma Horfendorff! 

Before I can react, she’s got me in a solid rear naked choke.  “Shh…shhhhh….”

Then it all goes dark.

…

……..

“What the…”  I blink and squint, piecing together slivers of input.  Seconds later, I realize I’m hanging upside down in an abandoned warehouse. 

Where the hell did she—

BUH-dudda-dudda-duh! 

My left nut erupts with agonizing pain, bouncing around in my scrote like a Minion on crack.  BUH-dudda-DUDDA-duh-budda-budda-BUH-dudda-dudda-duh!  My right nut follows, manically jiggling to and fro.  Irma keeps going, speed-bagging my gigantimous balls with rapid-fire punches. 

“STOP!” I scream.  “For the love of Batman cucking Clark with Lois, STOP!”

She raises her fist, causing me to squeal and flinch, then lowers it and gives me a malicious grin.  “Told you I’d get my goddamn revenge.  Bet you’re wishing you got me that diamond ring, huh?”

“I told you!” I yell, “the Kimberley process is a goddamn joke!  In addition to the environmental impacts and human rights violations, most of the product gets refined in Surat, where shady labor practices compound the—”

“SILENCE!”  She launches into a spinning wheel kick, using my wiener as an improvised heavy bag. 

“NYAAGH!”  I didn’t think the pain could get worse, but I’m forced to reconsider as she digs into my shaft with liver shots and hooks, interspersed with punishing Thai kicks to the glans and frenulum.  

“Rocky was on to something,” she grunts, “ ’bout to go Mortal fucking Kombat on your oversized womb-hammer!”

The tempo increases—my award-winning genitals erupt with impact-born ripples.  Fuck it.  No options left.  So I open my eReader to a Kent Wayne novel, activating its mind-bending reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

Aristotle jumps out of an interdimensional portal, aglow with symbol-crafted chains of sentential formulas and time-tested reasoning. 

“No!”  Irma stumbles back, shielding her face with her hands.  “Induction, deduction, fallacies, premises…get your LOGIC AWAY FROM ME, YOU MOTHERFUCKING MONSTER!”  Then she transforms into a swirl of bats, crashes through the warehouse window, and disappears into the gloomy night. 

Whew!  Gotta protect the frank n’ beans!  Writing might be fun, but Man-Whoring pays the goddamn bills! 

Kent Wayne wins again!  😀

Has your ex tied you up like a side of beef in an old-school Rocky montage, then gone Captain Insano on your vulnerable genitals?  Never fear!  Buy my books, summon the all-father of logic, and scare your attacker away with a helping of well-constructed thought!

Get A Door into Evermoor here: A Door into Evermoor.  Get Weapons of Old here: Weapons of Old Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!    

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!     #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing