What the dick-bounce is happening, all you shy-ass bulge-slingers who’ve taken pains to hide your piece with compression shorts or medical tape but you got sloppy this morning so you wore gray sweatpants without flattening your peen, only to get taken hostage by some 90s-style euro-accented, faux-operator terrorists who line you up with the other prisoners against a high rise window while negotiating with a helicopter-borne SWAT commander, looks like things are going to absolute shit but then you remember you can communicate the numbers and capabilities of your submachine-gun-wielding captors by bouncing your wiener in Morse code—FIVE ON THE LEFT, THREE TO MY RIGHT, ONE DRESSED AS A DOCTOR—suddenly the window implodes, smoke blossoms and terrorists start dropping holy fuck that’s WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT—

And THAT, my friends, is why you never conceal your goddamn bulge!  You just might end up in a Die Hard-inspired standoff, where you have to relay crucial information through a series of twitches from your sweatpants-ed crotch! 

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my various-genred books!  First up is my YA fantasy series, the Unbound Realm.  Volume 1 is A Door into Evermoor.  I’ve just published volume 2:  Weapons of Old  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!  #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing

🙂 🙂 😀