What the anus-magic is happening, all you weak-minded fools who’re extracting the beads one by one, but then that dog-like reflex to pull instead of dig grabs a hold of you and you start going hand over hand, faster and faster, and you think this is really neat it’s like the endless handkerchief magicians use on stage wow how many of these can you fit in your bum suddenly your partner lets loose with a howl of anguished protest and you think dear God in heaven what HAVE I DONE right before their desecrated butthole goes SPLOO—

What the hell, man!  You’re defusing a bomb, not playing a game of motherfucking tug-of-war!  No butthole will trust you ever again!

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my various-genred books!  First up is my YA fantasy:  A Door into Evermoor.  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!  #WritingCommunity

🙂 🙂 😀