Yet another weird ad for my novels

“Have you some of these,” Yoda giggles, holding out a handful of mushrooms.  “They beat the dogshit out of Force-clairvoyance.”

“What happened to your sentence structure?” I ask, maowing down the shrooms.  “Don’t you usually talk…you know, backwards?”

He waves a dismissive hand.  “I only do that to sound more eccentric.  Adds some flavor, you know?  And only around idiots like Luke or the Council.  Now come on—show me how to use that Jedi dating app.  I’ve gone too long without blowing a load.”  He taps a line of coke onto his finger, then snorts it up.  “Want some?”  He raises an eyebrow.

“Nah,” I decline.  “No hard stuff.  Just shrooms and weed.”

He snorts again, this time in derision.  “Pussy.”

For the next few minutes, I guide him through the app.  Once I show him how it works, he swipes right on anything with a hole.  Personally, I doubt anyone’ll swipe right on his muppet-looking ass, but—

Ding! 

“I got one!” he yells.  “What do I do?  What do I do?” 

“Start texting,” I say.  “Tell her you’re—”

“She says she knows where I am!” he shouts.  “She’s coming over right now!”

“What?”  My brow crinkles.  “How is that even—”

A lightsaber pokes through the wall, carving out a sizzling, person-sized hole.  Seconds later, the wall blows inward, revealing a cloaked figure shrouded in smoke.  Her head is capped by a distinctive blond bob.

“Shit!” Yoda screams.  “It’s Darth Karen!  I am fucking OUTTA HERE!”  He runs out the door, hops on a speeder, and fucks off at 200mph.

I try to follow, but DK hits me with a well-timed Force-freeze.  My legs float off the ground, my body turns in the air.

“What do you want?” I wheeze. 

“To drive the world mad with my unbearable squawking,” she replies.  “Seems you have a superpower of your own…”  She begins telekinetically unzipping my pants.  “Unnaturally girthy, diamond-hard upcurve…”

“No,” I hiss.  “Don’t you DARE!”

Too late.  She slathers my crotch in Karen energies. 

My wiener screams into my mind—EEEEEEE!!!—as it shrinks into a laughable shadow of its former self.  No longer does it dangle between my ankles, luring lips and holes with its shapely glans.  Now it resembles a frightened hamster tail, completely devoid of presence or melanin (no one talks about it, but not a single one of you want an albino-pale, mole-rat-baby wiener; admit it—ADMIT IT!)

“NNNNNHHHHRRAAAAAHH!” I scream.  “YOU SICK FUCKING MONSTER!  I MADE MY LIVING WITH THAT AWARD-WINNING HOG!”

“And now you’ll be forced to live on the streets,” she chuckles.  “Karens strike again, bitch—Karens strike again.”

Fuck it.  No options left.  So I open my eReader to a Kent Wayne novel, activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

A woman-shaped blaze takes shape behind my tormentor, resolving into my eternal crush.  DK starts to turn around—“What the fuck?”—but Soccer Mom Prime grabs both her arms, rips them off, then beats the life out of her with the bloody stumps. 

Holy.  SHIT.

“Well.”  She tosses the arms to the side.  “Let’s see about bringing that wiener back to life.  I’m pretty sure I can make it grow.”

And so am I.  I’ve always had a thing for super-hot soccer moms!

Kent Wayne wins again!  HEH heh heh!

😀

 

Have you been accosted by Darth Karen and her ugly-genital energies?  Never fear!  Get A Door into Evermoor here: A Door into Evermoor. Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #WritingCommunity

40 thoughts on “Yet another weird ad for my novels

  1. Shrooms! i just been granted to cerveza, they dropped it and run something about me being to hot to sit with! gratefully i will be re-living my love of hops, shame your not here you might be in on your favourite request! I really have a naughty pagan sister that really enjoys extra curricular activity! swinging from the four poster! lol nape of your neck to the tip of your! once girthy member! lol💋

    Liked by 1 person

      • See if you receive my next daydream, otherwise we might have to call you dirty scifi lover! lol you might need a friend lol i am sure my highest level will fill in if you fail to attend! you might just end up voyer to the whole event! lol you might want to start honing your skills from the physical! 🤣 new project!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Remember the better the ‘OOOOOOOhhh! The more invested celebration! lol pointless conversation the body of man failed completely!🤔 Better luck next time you should already receive a level of my telepathy, or are you totally tech bound?

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Pants! new fangled creations, few mil of fabric, and i prefer to air to caution sensory on i just sit! safest place to be! dripping … lol messaging you are you a 2pm waker or is this your morning! i just had a siesta!💋🤣

    Liked by 1 person

      • always open to improving mornings lollypop! oral pleasures and sensual treasures! lol 😉🌹just remember you make breakfast! I am a big fan of sausage, egg and tomato!

        Liked by 1 person

      • I see you agreed my needs come first! you had me at seconds, how about, brunch, dinner, tea and supper i could just enjoy your company instead of eating! lol🤣 i am a patient girl, or was, now i am just going to take what my body needs, whether it is service or marital bliss!😉 in law rings sign in!

        Liked by 1 person

      • Thanks i need not know your extensive history i get it you are either a well rung bachelor, a virgin or a miss used vessel! As you do not drink then i presume you just spent your life collecting numbers! lol my masters, i have goth this girls, death by love and kindness it is! What do you mean i do not die, ohhh i need a pet! ✨first in line to the throne, you like stately homes? A west wing to swing from!😉

        Liked by 1 person

      • international movies and music Kaleidoscope, they loved that i did not play! When i was clearing centrally i seemed to catch them all in, post sixth masters they realised instaed of street level they were all imperial tinkerbells! It was playing with the local staff?

        Liked by 1 person

  4. House full, it would be preferable! Whilst they are snoring! i am enjoying the idea of randomly dodging the traffic for receiving my kicks! ALTHOUGH AFTER GUARDING FOR 4 YRS! i could do with enjoying some good company without applying craft methods! lol🌹 I like to be one of the boys… having a drive is a new one for me! Spectrum its just easier to show who i am!😎💕

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s