“Have you some of these,” Yoda giggles, holding out a handful of mushrooms. “They beat the dogshit out of Force-clairvoyance.”
“What happened to your sentence structure?” I ask, maowing down the shrooms. “Don’t you usually talk…you know, backwards?”
He waves a dismissive hand. “I only do that to sound more eccentric. Adds some flavor, you know? And only around idiots like Luke or the Council. Now come on—show me how to use that Jedi dating app. I’ve gone too long without blowing a load.” He taps a line of coke onto his finger, then snorts it up. “Want some?” He raises an eyebrow.
“Nah,” I decline. “No hard stuff. Just shrooms and weed.”
He snorts again, this time in derision. “Pussy.”
For the next few minutes, I guide him through the app. Once I show him how it works, he swipes right on anything with a hole. Personally, I doubt anyone’ll swipe right on his muppet-looking ass, but—
Ding!
“I got one!” he yells. “What do I do? What do I do?”
“Start texting,” I say. “Tell her you’re—”
“She says she knows where I am!” he shouts. “She’s coming over right now!”
“What?” My brow crinkles. “How is that even—”
A lightsaber pokes through the wall, carving out a sizzling, person-sized hole. Seconds later, the wall blows inward, revealing a cloaked figure shrouded in smoke. Her head is capped by a distinctive blond bob.
“Shit!” Yoda screams. “It’s Darth Karen! I am fucking OUTTA HERE!” He runs out the door, hops on a speeder, and fucks off at 200mph.
I try to follow, but DK hits me with a well-timed Force-freeze. My legs float off the ground, my body turns in the air.
“What do you want?” I wheeze.
“To drive the world mad with my unbearable squawking,” she replies. “Seems you have a superpower of your own…” She begins telekinetically unzipping my pants. “Unnaturally girthy, diamond-hard upcurve…”
“No,” I hiss. “Don’t you DARE!”
Too late. She slathers my crotch in Karen energies.
My wiener screams into my mind—EEEEEEE!!!—as it shrinks into a laughable shadow of its former self. No longer does it dangle between my ankles, luring lips and holes with its shapely glans. Now it resembles a frightened hamster tail, completely devoid of presence or melanin (no one talks about it, but not a single one of you want an albino-pale, mole-rat-baby wiener; admit it—ADMIT IT!)
“NNNNNHHHHRRAAAAAHH!” I scream. “YOU SICK FUCKING MONSTER! I MADE MY LIVING WITH THAT AWARD-WINNING HOG!”
“And now you’ll be forced to live on the streets,” she chuckles. “Karens strike again, bitch—Karens strike again.”
Fuck it. No options left. So I open my eReader to a Kent Wayne novel, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
A woman-shaped blaze takes shape behind my tormentor, resolving into my eternal crush. DK starts to turn around—“What the fuck?”—but Soccer Mom Prime grabs both her arms, rips them off, then beats the life out of her with the bloody stumps.
Holy. SHIT.
“Well.” She tosses the arms to the side. “Let’s see about bringing that wiener back to life. I’m pretty sure I can make it grow.”
And so am I. I’ve always had a thing for super-hot soccer moms!
Kent Wayne wins again! HEH heh heh!
😀
Have you been accosted by Darth Karen and her ugly-genital energies? Never fear! Get A Door into Evermoor here: A Door into Evermoor. Get Kor’Thank here: Kor’Thank: Barbarian Valley Girl. Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Musings, Volume 1 is available here: Musings, Volume 1 Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human: Optimization! 
Hold on! I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate! If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish. Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens! In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to! Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy! Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts! 
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Dirty Sci-Fi Buddha 
Haha! 🤣 Darth Karen. This made me smile.
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HEH heh heh! Yes! 😁
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Oh my God, my view of Star Wars is forever changed🤣 And, I’m not even sure where to start on the rest of it🤣
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Darth Karen–the worst of the Siths! 🤣
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This is hysterical! Thanks I needed a laugh today!
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My pleasure! HEH heh heh! 😁
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Shrooms! i just been granted to cerveza, they dropped it and run something about me being to hot to sit with! gratefully i will be re-living my love of hops, shame your not here you might be in on your favourite request! I really have a naughty pagan sister that really enjoys extra curricular activity! swinging from the four poster! lol nape of your neck to the tip of your! once girthy member! lol💋
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I’m sure you’d find a way to hop on top of me! And remember: the slurpier the blowjay, the better the ride! 😜
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See if you receive my next daydream, otherwise we might have to call you dirty scifi lover! lol you might need a friend lol i am sure my highest level will fill in if you fail to attend! you might just end up voyer to the whole event! lol you might want to start honing your skills from the physical! 🤣 new project!
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Remember the better the ‘OOOOOOOhhh! The more invested celebration! lol pointless conversation the body of man failed completely!🤔 Better luck next time you should already receive a level of my telepathy, or are you totally tech bound?
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I’m proud to say I’ve never failed on the O front! 😉
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I am off to dip un the hot tub, cool off in this hot weather, another excuse to get dripping wet! you might need a towel! lol😜💕
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You and me both! You also might need a change of panties after you message me later! 🤣
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Thats if you reply, you manage about an hour then,——————- sexting and banter flatline! do i fill your daily quota on likes and then you turn off? some funny films on Netflix in our banter of choices, swingers and taboo topics all worth a giggle! lol 😂 i need to sharpen my hook and get motivated! you feel like getting caught, i could order in service…..
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Nah, I just limit my social media time to replying once a day, then a break on Fridays. It’s a mental health thing–when I replied all the time when I first started blogging, it wasn’t good for my mood.
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Are you still writing your memoirs! lol or are you done with books! You should do a comic book on our banter get your creative on…you probably signed in to one of my sister links, they redirect all of my things!😒 even my husband!
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Maybe I should start drawing…always wanted to write a comic…🤔
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See i am inspirational, do not forget the naughty post cards, the more satire the better, what style would you do, manga, marvellous or stick men?😎✨
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I’d probably do a mix. It’d really depend on the story. There’s so many different art styles in comics nowadays.
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You got to keep it authentic, no Ezio with a cockney twang and no prowess! You need a dominatrix cave-girl i can sub you some giggles, heckling houses of parliament with my demon voice…. I feel like ordering a takeaway you fancy delivering it, i promise to lock you in for the summer holidays, make up the summerhouse with a new bed!? lol😜🌹
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i typed in filthy on the search engine and you came third! What a party that sounds, no release is bad for my mood, lotus 🧘♂️ i am hoping a few of my horny personality drivers will do one! lol🤔 although the rest of the world is probably grateful for the quiet! post ooh ooh ooh, thank god for service!
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I’m flattered! Google, you’re doing a damn good job! 😂
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LOL – i did not even register on the scale, poetry porn in classical style has obviously not been assigned as no-one seems to get it! A unique service record aside from my Derulo husband Tantric when the neighbours get psychotic! 😜😎✨
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mine is a journal, or artists portfolio which is what they should be considered! I hate that abbreviation! i am good for your mood i can tell! lol big 🍆…….
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Don’t forget the 🍒!
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now are they cherries or a reference to your nuts! lol I do have a thing for turning mature masters and dark angels! grrrrr…. 🤣
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Definitely my nuts. 😏
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lol do i look like a squirrel, well i do sit as a central goddess, one and only i would be surprised if i would have any cleaning to do in that department! slurp! lol do you have a likeness for them being….😜😜
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Oh you know it! Make it as slurpy as possible!! 😏
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I will set the hot wax, align the strips and get the ice!….then we will match lol
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Pants! new fangled creations, few mil of fabric, and i prefer to air to caution sensory on i just sit! safest place to be! dripping … lol messaging you are you a 2pm waker or is this your morning! i just had a siesta!💋🤣
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Typically, I wake up pretty early, and so does my wiener. You like you some morning sex? 😉
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always open to improving mornings lollypop! oral pleasures and sensual treasures! lol 😉🌹just remember you make breakfast! I am a big fan of sausage, egg and tomato!
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Once I’m drained, it usually takes a half hour to recover, so you might have to wait a bit for that yummy breakfast! 😅
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I see you agreed my needs come first! you had me at seconds, how about, brunch, dinner, tea and supper i could just enjoy your company instead of eating! lol🤣 i am a patient girl, or was, now i am just going to take what my body needs, whether it is service or marital bliss!😉 in law rings sign in!
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Sounds good to me! I’ve spent weekends before locked up in hotels with curtains drawn, fucking up a storm every few hours. 🤣
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Thanks i need not know your extensive history i get it you are either a well rung bachelor, a virgin or a miss used vessel! As you do not drink then i presume you just spent your life collecting numbers! lol my masters, i have goth this girls, death by love and kindness it is! What do you mean i do not die, ohhh i need a pet! ✨first in line to the throne, you like stately homes? A west wing to swing from!😉
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Sounds good to me! Honestly I’m fine with low-brow motels as well! 😉
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international movies and music Kaleidoscope, they loved that i did not play! When i was clearing centrally i seemed to catch them all in, post sixth masters they realised instaed of street level they were all imperial tinkerbells! It was playing with the local staff?
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House full, it would be preferable! Whilst they are snoring! i am enjoying the idea of randomly dodging the traffic for receiving my kicks! ALTHOUGH AFTER GUARDING FOR 4 YRS! i could do with enjoying some good company without applying craft methods! lol🌹 I like to be one of the boys… having a drive is a new one for me! Spectrum its just easier to show who i am!😎💕
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