It’s that time of day. Put down the comics, jerk my wiener, get ready for bed.
SEVERAL HOURS LATER
Ow—FUCK that hurts! What the—
I yank off my undies. My balls are wrestling with my girthy womb-hammer, enveloping its head in their wrinkly folds.
“Help me Kent!” my wiener screams into my mind (jerk it like I do and you develop a telepathic bond with your genitalia). “They’re trying to kill me!”
“Kent never pays attention to us!” my right nut shouts. “Once we destroy you, we’ll have him all to ourselves!”
“That’s right!” my left nut snarls. “TO WARRR!!!”
“Wait, that’s not how it works!” I protest. But my pleas fall on deaf ears—they’re too busy thrashing my beloved penis.
Fuck it. No options left. So I open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
A CO2 fire extinguisher appears in my hands. What the hell? Why would I need a—
Oh right—the cold!
I grab my vajeen-widener and flip it back, twitching my head to the side as it lands with a meaty thump by my right shoulder. Take aim with the extinguisher and—
—unleash a blast of teeth-clenching frost right into the center of my rebellious sack. Both my nuts howl in protest.
“No! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Damn you Kent Wayne—DAAAAAAAaaammnnn yooouuuuuu…”
They creak to a halt, imprisoned by a lattice of dry-ice crystals.
“Thanks,” Wiener pants. “I owe you, man.”
I lock eyes with him and throw him a knowing grin.
“Oh no,” he says. “Don’t you do it. I know all about your love of terrible Mr. Freeze puns.”
My lips twitch.
“Don’t,” he warns. “Kent—no.”
“Allow me to—”
“—break the ice.”
“You fuck. You unbelievable FUCK.”
“Think you’re clever, huh? Icy what you did there.”
“I hate you.”
Have your testicles gained sentience and attacked your wiener in a fit of jealousy? Never fear! Get Kor’Thank here: Kor’Thank: Barbarian Valley Girl. Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Musings, Volume 1 is available here: Musings, Volume 1 If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast: Strained Brains! It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play! Please give it a listen and a five-star review! Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human: Optimization! 🙂 🙂 😀
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