It’s that time of day.  Put down the comics, jerk my wiener, get ready for bed. 

Zzzz…

ZZZZZZZZZ….

 

SEVERAL HOURS LATER

Ow—FUCK that hurts!  What the—

I yank off my undies.  My balls are wrestling with my girthy womb-hammer, enveloping its head in their wrinkly folds.

“Help me Kent!” my wiener screams into my mind (jerk it like I do and you develop a telepathic bond with your genitalia).  “They’re trying to kill me!”

“Kent never pays attention to us!” my right nut shouts.  “Once we destroy you, we’ll have him all to ourselves!”

“That’s right!” my left nut snarls.  “TO WARRR!!!”

“Wait, that’s not how it works!” I protest.  But my pleas fall on deaf ears—they’re too busy thrashing my beloved penis.

Fuck it.  No options left.  So I open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

A CO2 fire extinguisher appears in my hands.  What the hell?  Why would I need a—

Oh right—the cold!

I grab my vajeen-widener and flip it back, twitching my head to the side as it lands with a meaty thump by my right shoulder.  Take aim with the extinguisher and—

FSSSSSHHHHHHH!!!!!!

—unleash a blast of teeth-clenching frost right into the center of my rebellious sack.  Both my nuts howl in protest.

“No!  NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!  Damn you Kent Wayne—DAAAAAAAaaammnnn yooouuuuuu…”

They creak to a halt, imprisoned by a lattice of dry-ice crystals.

“Thanks,” Wiener pants.  “I owe you, man.”

I lock eyes with him and throw him a knowing grin.

“Oh no,” he says.  “Don’t you do it.  I know all about your love of terrible Mr. Freeze puns.”

My lips twitch.

“Don’t,” he warns.  “Kent—no.”

“Allow me to—”

“DON’T.”

“—break the ice.”

“You fuck.  You unbelievable FUCK.”

“Think you’re clever, huh?  Icy what you did there.”

“I hate you.”

 

Have your testicles gained sentience and attacked your wiener in a fit of jealousy?  Never fear!  Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited