A hundred words. A thousand. Ten thousand. A hundred thousand. A MILLION.
I write and I write and I write, turning my imagination inside out, upside down and into a dimension-twisting mobius. I lose track of time and space as my fingers dance across the keys, channeling idea after idea after idea…
“KENT WAYNE!” The President’s old-ass face appears on my Facetime. “JUST WHAT IN THE SAM HILL ARE YOU DOING OVER THERE!?!”
“Huh?” My brow wrinkles in confusion. “Dunno what you’re talking about. I’m getting some word count in.”
“MY TOP NERDS HAVE JUST INFORMED ME THAT THE PILLARS OF SPACE-TIME ARE BREAKING APART! LOOK OUT YER WINDOW!”
I rush over to my window and peer outside. Sure enough, a swirling vortex of unholy energy has materialized above my lawn. Unnamable horrors pour from its locus, threatening to rip away my sanity like a storm-tossed sheet.
“YER GODDAMN IMAGINATION JUST TORE A HOLE IN THE GODDAMN MULTIVERSE!” the President rages. “YOU’VE DOOMED US ALL, YOU FUCKING CRETIN!”
As he’s speaking, a hellish version of Carol Baskins—black holes for eyes, gargoyle-talons for hands and feet—jumps onto my lawn and begins shitting out Karens. They plop out in a hissing mess, screaming for managers and televised megachurch.
Oh no—what have I done? WHAT HAVE I DONE???
Fuck it. No options left. So I reach in my pocket and open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
A starfighter lands on my lawn and promptly discharges an army of Sith Lords. My heart surges with hope. If anyone can beat back Baskins, I’d put my money on a mob of hate-masters with Dark Side lightning and a bottomless supply of sheer fucking ang—
“SHE’S TOO STRONG!” Palpatine screams. “SHE’S TOO DAMN ST—AAAAGGH” Before he can finish, Baskins throws an uppercut that starts at his anus and exits at the top of his malformed skull.
“Run, Kent!” Anakin points at the starfighter. “GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!”
I hop into the starfighter, blubbering and sobbing. It’s autopilot functions kick into gear, blasting me clear of the Earth’s atmosphere. Good Christ—what have I done?!?
THERE’S NO SURVIVING CAROL BASKINS.
Has your imagination torn a hole into Hell, and now the only thing you can do is run like a bitch? Never fear! Get Kor’Thank here: Kor’Thank: Barbarian Valley Girl. Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Musings, Volume 1 is available here: Musings, Volume 1 If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast: Strained Brains! It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play! Please give it a listen and a five-star review! Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human: Optimization! 🙂 🙂 😀
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