Kor’Thank: A High School Absurdical


My wiener and ballsack achieved sentience?

Ha!  It happened!  I’m a goddamn wish-machine!

But things don’t go as planned.  The exact opposite, actually.

Wiener immediately begins slapping me across the face—wh’pap PAP, wh’pap-pap-PAP!—blinding me with its monstrous glans and wrinkled folds.

“AKK!  PHHBT!  WHAT ARE YOU—”  I raise my hands in an instinctive warding gesture.

“Stroke me, bitch!  STROKE ME!”

“All right all right!”  I begin working the shaft like there’s no tomorrow.

“Don’t forget me!” my balls yell.  “WHAT ABOUT ME?!?!?!”

“Oh Christ!”  Sweat pours from my brow as I double the tempo with my jerk-hand, then cradle the balls with my other. 

Forearms burning, lungs heaving…can’t keep this up…MUCH…LONGER…

So I reach in my pocket and open my eReader to Kor’Thank, activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

My frank-n-beans abruptly stop flailing like the meth’d-up lovechild of Taz and Honey Badger. 

I collapse back onto my couch, completely spent.  JEEzus!

Lesson learned—never grant sentience to your unquenchable genitals!

Untrustworthy fucks.


Have your nether parts achieved awareness and are now threatening to beat the life out of you?  Never fear!  Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited

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