Ah…nothing better than beating my meat before a relaxing nap.
Wait, where’s the load? I can’t see it anywhere. Gotta clean it up before—
SEVERAL MONTHS LATER…
Dum-dee-dum-dee-dum…make some eggs, drink some coffee, fire up the laptop so I can get to writing…
Wait. What was that? Did someone break in? Thought I heard a footstep…
“ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR PROGENY, YOU FILTHY MAN-WHORE!”
Suddenly, the door to my bedroom bursts open, revealing an army of hybrid-monsters. Clothes, electronics, food items, tools…
All speckled with my snarling face.
My mouth drops open. “What…what…”
“YOUR BALLS ARE FERTILE BEYOND MEASURE—YOU SHOULD HAVE MOPPED UP YOUR SPERM, YOU FILTHY BASTARD! INSTEAD, YOU LET US IMPREGNATE YOUR HOUSEHOLD GOODS!”
Fuck, that’s right—I forgot! I have motherfucking super-sperm!
I turn around and crash through the window. I collapse into a roll in the outside parking lot, raising my hand instinctively as a car almost hits me. The driver honks his horn and curses angrily, but I’m already running. I chance a quick look over my shoulder as my unholy spawn rip tear him limb from limb.
My arms pump and my legs churn as I run run RUN from my jizz-gone-wrong. No use—I can hear them behind me, roaring and clanking as they close the gap.
Fuck it. No options left. I open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
My balls whip from my pants, growing to the size of goddamn bosu balls.
“KNEEL BEFORE TESTICLES!” they thunder. “WE MADE YOU AND WE CAN JUST AS EASILY UNMAKE YOU!”
“NEVER!” the jizz-monsters snarl. “WE’LL NEVER KNEEL BEFORE—”
My balls puff and flex, releasing a storm of nasty-ass smegma from their thick, wrinkled folds. It splatters my jizz-monsters with Nasty McBlech, coating them with a blanket of Absolute Gross.
“NO!!!” they scream. “THE UTTER FUCKING HORROR! DAMN YOU KENT WAYNE! DAAAAAaaammnnn yoouuuu…”
Fuck you, rebel sperm! That’s what you GET! Ha HA!
Have your evil gametes turned against you? Never fear! Get Kor’Thank here: Kor’Thank: Barbarian Valley Girl. Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Musings, Volume 1 is available here: Musings, Volume 1 If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast: Strained Brains! It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play! Please give it a listen and a five-star review! Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human: Optimization! 🙂 🙂 😀
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