“The fuck are you doing here?” Brad Pitt shoves my chest as he walks by me on the ultra-luxurious, infinity pool deck we’ve all been invited to as part of the WhoreCon 7 intercontinental cruise. “You’re no Man Whore!”
Ryan Gosling glances over—he’s sitting on an indoor/outdoor crocodile-hide sofa—and laughs incredulously. “THIS motherfucker? Hey check it out guys—” he jerks a thumb at me and swivels in place, catching peoples’ attention, “this idiot thinks he can hang with US!”
“Booooo!” George Clooney throws a crumpled wad of paper at me. I flinch and yelp as it bounces off my forehead. “BOO THIS MAN! BOOOOOO!!!”
Seconds later, I’m being pelted with half-eaten food, paper wrappers, and various other forms of debris and detritus. Tears stream down my cheeks. My face quivers with rage. FUCK these guys! All I wanted was a little acceptance—a little camaraderie and brotherly love!
I’ll show them. I open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
My penis bursts from my pants in a rippling mass of veins and dickskin. Energy pours off its magnificent head, marking the starry night sky with brilliant flashes of color and light. Holy shit—it’s like a phallocentric version of Dragonball Z!
“WHO DARES TAUNT MY MASTER?!? YE SHALL KNOW THE WRATH OF A FULLY UNLEASHED DEATH COCK!”
Pandemonium erupts throughout the cruise ship. Gosling tries to dive over the side, but Death Cock wraps him in its coils, squeezing his torso with ungodly strength. Gosling’s eyes go completely red, then burst from his sockets. Organs and poops squirt out from both ends.
“No!” Brad Pitt screams. “NO!” He runs for the bow, but Death Cock rises high, eclipsing the moon, then slams him flat against the deck. K’CHOOM! As Death cock peels away, I see that Brad has been transformed from a recognizable human being into a faceless smear of blood and guts.
“Wait a second!” George Clooney raises both hands in a hold-on-just-a-moment gesture. “We can talk, Kent! I have money! I have—”
“TOO LATE!” Death Cock thunders. It shoots into his mouth, bursting through the back of his skull like a .50 caliber bullet. For a brief instant, his eyes cross inward before they pop from their sockets and roll across the deck.
And so it goes—yeah, you can make fun of me, but you can’t make fun of Death Cock! Ha HA!
Have a bunch of elitist whores rejected you from their elitist whore club? Never fear! Get Kor’Thank here: Kor’Thank: Barbarian Valley Girl. Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Musings, Volume 1 is available here: Musings, Volume 1 If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast: Strained Brains! It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play! Please give it a listen and a five-star review! Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human: Optimization! 🙂 🙂 😀
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