Flying high—that’s what I do, all day, err’ day!
’Cause I’m a mothafuckin’ dragon, bitch!
I turn to my buddy, Cynosure the Red, and raise one of my reptilian eyebrows. “What do you wanna do today, Cyno? Fuck with the Kraken? Shit on some villages? Piss off the unicorns?”
His scaly forehead wrinkles in thought. “I dunno, Kyrothanx…we did all that last week…”
“What about the Gryphons? They’re always down to fuck.”
Cynosure sneers. “Yeah, but out of all the fliers, they’re the biggest sluts. The Pegasi and Wyverns don’t play hard to get, but at least they don’t bare their assholes and give us an eyeful of gaper whenever they’re horny.”
“Gryphons are a little much,” I agree.
“We need a new activity,” Cynosure grumbles. “Something that—”
“WHO SAID THAT???” Cynosure roars. “SHOW YOURSELF, YOU COWARDLY MOTHERFUCKER!!!” (Any term likening dragons to snakes is a SERIOUSLY offensive slur)
Hundreds of feet below us, a tiny figure waves its arms. “I’m Kent Wayne, motherfuckers! I’m sick of you assholes shitting on villages and cumming all up in beautiful, fairytale sky-creatures! FUCK you!”
Cynosure folds his wings into his sides, arcing into a steep dive. I follow right behind. This tiny fucking human is gonna PAY. Thinks he can drop the S-word and expect to—
But then he opens a magic eReader to Kor’Thank, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
Kent’s ginormous, magically enhanced wiener bursts from his pants and flies toward Cynosure. It’s so goddamn fast it’s bordered by anime speed lines. Holy SH—
The cock rockets into Cynosure’s mouth like an evil anaconda, exploding out his scaly asshole. His slit-eyed pupils roll back in his head as a disgusting mix of blood and organs fly out from both his ends.
No—NO! FUCK! What the FUCK, man?!? My best friend since we were both hatchlings! FUCK!
I cut a 180-degree turn, beating my wings as fast as I can. Gotta get away from this giant-penised killer. Gotta—
And then I see it flying toward me, raveling through the sky in enormous twists of veiny flesh.
Holy fuck, it’s got me by the wing! I can’t straighten out! It’s around my fucking neck! I can’t—I can’t—
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