I squeeze my thighs, urging my robo-chimera forward through a hyperspace fistula. At the same time, my conceptual revolvers buck in my hands, blasting cortex-loaded ordnance at the dozen or so tardigrade rustlers who’re trying to steal my herd.
How ya doing. Kent Wayne, Space Cowboy. Pleased to make your acquaintance.
Year’s 15982, but it feels like goddamn 1800s Earth (I’ve done the full-immersion reboot at Past Life Land, in case you were wondering how I would know that). Yeah, sure—I may drive cattle through galaxies and dimensions, I may shoot axiom-forged logic from the ends of my pistols, but in a lot of ways, things’re just the same as they were back then: cowboys still drive cattle (tardigrades have mutated into 600 lb. beasts since those long-ago days) and rustlers still try and steal ’em.
“WE GOT YER NUMBER, KENT WAYNE! LET US HAVE THE ’GRADES, AND WE’LL LEAVE YOU BE!” one of them screams across the interdimensional void. I can hear his words crystal clear, courtesy of my psychogenically enhanced brain.
“NOT A CHANCE, COCK-SMEARS!” I point a revolver back over my shoulder in his general direction, shoot twice—the rounds bloom into spiraling twists of symbol-threaded colors—and hunch lower on my chimera, driving it faster with a loud, “Hyah—HYAH!”
As I pick up speed, I holster my right pistol, spin open the cylinder on my left, dump the rounds, and shuttle in fresh ones. My fingers are on autopilot—I’ve done this a billion times before; drunk, sober, on a chimera and off.
Clack the cylinder shut, then do the same with my other pistol. In a couple a’ seconds, I’ve charged ’em with twelve hot loads of conceptual ordnance.
Suddenly, five light-years ahead, a bunch of rustlers pull directly into my path, standing atop an imaginal locomotive, constructed from the latest premises and apothegms.
Fuck me—there’s a pair of quixotic gatling cannons mounted on its rooftop, and they’re leveled at me and my herd. Ain’t no way I can fight them off. Damn them for resorting to big-money gadgets. Same as cheatin’ at cards, if you ask me…’course, no one’s asking.
It’s up to me to save my bacon. So I open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
The playlist in my psyche pours forth into the material realm, inundating my enemies with Leona Lewis, Kelly Clarkson, and a dozen other selections from my beloved selection of upbeat girly-pop.
(Heh heh heh—don’t tell anyone, but I LOVE that stuff!)
The rustlers can’t take it–they’re all whiskey-drinking macho men. My dissonant taste in music dissolves their minds, and as they pixelate into long streams of fantastic quanta, they fill the aether with their dying screams.
“DAMN YOU, KENT WAYNE! THIS AIN’T FAIR! DAAAAAMMMMMNNN YOOOOOOooooouuuu…”
Ha HA! Kent Wayne—Space Cowboy, Man Whore, and Sci Fi author—escapes again!
Are you a lonesome space cowboy, traveling the cosmos atop the back of an imaginal beast? Do you need to protect your herd from a bunch of low-down cattle thieves? Never fear! Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Musings, Volume 1 is available here: Musings, Volume 1 If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast: Strained Brains! It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play! Please give it a listen and a five-star review! Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human: Optimization, and last but not least, my buddy Jumar Balacy has made a supercool microsite at kentwaynebrain.com! Go check out his computer-based wizardry 🙂 🙂 😀
Hold on! I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate! If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish. Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens! In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to! Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy! Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts! 😲💪 😜