“Ready…set…WRITE!” The announcer raises a revolver, and—BAM!—pops off a round.
I push off the starting block and power forward, chopping the air with both hands. To my right and left are all forms of literary abominations: Grammar Nazis, Emo Poets, YouTube trolls, and the like. We sprint across the turf, beelining toward the cluster of computers set up in the middle of the football field, pattering our feet as we close the distance so we can slow down enough to safely take a seat.
I jam my butt into the chair, fire up the ol’ brain-to-fingers-to-keyboard Writing State, and start shotgunning out some crazy narrative—something about giant robots, Elven dragon-riders, and a make-out sesh with Leona Lewis.
The commentators are speaking loud and fast, auctioneer-style. Kent’s pulling ahead, Kent’s leaving them in the dust, Kent’s cranking out words, Kent’s hitting all the emotions anger fear sadness triumph LOOK AT HIM GO OH MY LORD THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE!!!
It all fades into the mental background. I’ve reached that point where it’s not about focusing on WHAT to write, it’s about LETTING myself write. All of it’s coming through in perfect rhythm—the descriptions, the dialogue, the spacing, the pacing…the world hazes into a technicolor mandala; all that’s left is the screen, my fingers, and the unfettered story flying onto the page. Sentence after sentence after sentence…holy shit I’m flying…I’m not even real…I was never Kent at all; that was just a mask I dreamed up so I could be a purified channel for this unnamable force that’s—
The screen goes blank. I stare dumbly at the black slate in front of me, blinking in puzzlement. What the—
And then I see Grammar Nazi Prime sitting up from his seat, holding a disconnected power cord. “So sorry, Kent.” His lips droop into a mock-frown. “It seems you’ve lost your connection.”
Fuck! My literary enemies are churning away. While they may not be writing anything worth a squirrel’s nutsack, their word count is part of the score; they’re catching up to me through sheer weight of their shitty manuscripts. There’s too many of them to fight, so…
I open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
Giada de Laurentiis, smokin’ hot mama jama of Food Network fame, triple-somersaults out of the stands, landing a dozen yards away in an anime-style crouch. She chucks a croissant-a-rang, winging the disconnected power cord out of Grammar Nazi Prime’s clutching fingers. The croissant circles back toward her, the power cord still balanced on its crest, then swings around to the outlet, snapping the cord’s three-pronged mater into the surge protector.
“You’re good to go, Kent!” Giada screams. “WRITE!!!”
The world slows down—drifting fractals pop open all across the football field, and the Creative Force once again surges through my being, funneling my attention into a never-ending feedback loop between story, author, and keyboard.
My mouth yaws open at one-tenth of its original speed. I hear myself shouting, “WANT. TO. GET. SOME. COFFEE?”
“We’ll make out later, Kent!” She snaps an Emo Poet’s neck, hip-tosses another, then kicks the knee out from a YouTube troll. “FINISH YOUR DAMN STORY!!!”
Oh we’ll do a lot more than make out—Giada de freakin’ Laurentiis? You’d best believe I’m coming strong with my Man Whore A-game! HEH heh heh!
*70s porn music*
Have your writing rivals rigged the game? Do you require assistance from a bonified Food Network sex symbol? Never fear! Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast: Strained Brains! It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play! Please give it a listen and a five-star review! Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human: Optimization, and last but not least, my buddy Jumar Balacy has made a supercool microsite at kentwaynebrain.com! Go check out his computer-based wizardry 🙂 🙂 😀
Hold on! I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate! If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish. Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens! In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to! Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy! Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts! 😲💪 😜