FROM THE DIARY OF KENT WAYNE:

“Have you noticed the insidious rise of militant beta-males?  I have.  Does it scare me?  You’re damn skippy it does.  Nowadays, whenever I try and talk to girls, some cock-blocker swoops in and blithers on about chakra-balancing and how all men should undergo surgery so they can help breast-feed newborns.  Then I get dismissed as a body-shamer and an unfeeling robot, because I enjoy slinging iron at the gym and employing both inductive and deductive logic to arrive at a conclusion which can be functionally utilized to create widespread harmony through the reliable manifestation of desired results.  This is crazy—I feel persecuted for not being a weak-chinned yes-man who doesn’t want beluga caviar in his damn coffee, and still takes it straight black, no sugar, no cream.  Sorry beta-males—I’ll be damned if I start saying everything in the form of a question.”

Aaaaahhh…good to get that off my chest.  I lean back in my chair and drum mah belly.  I would never actually go out and scrap with beta-males; I’m a happy-go-lucky Man Child who enjoys a drama-free life.  It’s just annoying when I’m conversing with soccer moms and some rando beta-male diverts the subject to how they’re more sophisticated than me because their jeans are skinner than mine or because they know more gender pronouns than I do.

Anyways, I flick on the teeb and lose myself for a little while in some Voltron 84.  Dunno about you guys, but nothing puts the hair on my chest like a giant robot with a giant sword beating the hell out of some giant monsters.  Then I glance outside and see something strange:  there’s no one there.

It’s mid-afternoon in downtown San Francisco but there’s no cars, no people…what the heck?  I get up from my seat and walk to the window, looking around.  The streets are empty.  Everyone’s just…gone.

What the hell?

And then I see it:  hordes of beta-males closing in on my apartment.

SHIT!

I scramble up to the roof and assess my options.  My vision is overwhelmed by a flood of horn-rimmed glasses and untoned limbs.  Perhaps I could fight off three or four hundred of these testosterone-lacking fucks, but not thousands.

And from what I’m able to see, there’s MILLIONS of them.

I dial my retired government buddy on a sat-phone, and he promptly answers.  “What’s good, Kent?”

“Hey B, I need a favor.  I’m about to be overrun by beta-males.  I need Specter gun-ships, I need armored mobility, I need naval gunfire, and I need—”

“Sorry Kent; I don’t have access to any of that anymore.  Hell, Michelle doesn’t even let me drive, nowadays.”

“Dude, I saved the Earth from fucking Insectoids!  Don’t tell me you can’t—”

“I just leveled up and this little fucker A$$Killer954 is STILL about to rape me on Titanfall!  I gotta go dude—talk to you later!”

The phone goes dead.  GodDAMMIT!

I hear them coming up the stairs, running through the complex and knocking down doors, saying everything in that stupid, up-lilting question-voice.

“We’re coming for you Kent?”

“Um, we’re going to rip your testicles off and use them as golf balls?”

Fuck.  No options left.  I open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

A giant sphere covered with NASCAR emblems rockets down from the heavens like a flaming meteor.  It blasts into the middle of the beta-males outside my apartment, flattening a dozen of them into pasty red goo.  The sphere opens up, ejecting hundreds of fish-hook-in-hat hillbillies, all wearing sleeveless tees, ginormous belt buckles, and big ol’ Duck Dynasty beards.

The redneck commander throws his head back and roars:

“NONCONSENSUAL SEX WITH THEIR FACES AND THEIR BUTTS!  LEAVE NO ANUS UNRAVAGED!!!”

Panicked screams erupt from the beta-males.  I wince and cringe as legions of my enemies fall before an army of dirty, unshaven boners.

Crazy rednecks:  no better friend, no worse enemy.

 

Are you about to be overrun by a horde of crazy beta-males?  Never fear! Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  #kindle #kindleunlimited #sciencefiction #scifi #books #novel #book