(This is the story of how Taylor Swift and I became mortal enemies). ย Once upon a time I was relaxing by myself at the park, bopping along to “Style,” (Yes, I’m manly enough to admit I like girly music), when Taylor walked up to me, sat down, and began maowing down burritos. ย I chat with her about life and music, bla bla blah…when suddenly I hear a small, querulous trumpeting sound. ย I cock an eyebrow at her. ย “Was that you?” ย She shakes her head vehemently. ย “I can’t fart. ย I’m physically incapable of it.” ย I reply, “Yeah but I didn’t do it, and you’ve eaten like five burritos and there’s no one around, so…” ย She chucks the remains of a bean-n-cheese burrito full-force across the empty park. ย “I’M INCAPABLE OF IT, BITCH!” she screams this as her eyes light with Dark Side Red. ย My eyes widen and suddenly the Imperial March is sounding through the air as she rises from her seat and Force-chokes me. ย Out of desperation, I open my eReader to Echo. ย Magic flash. ย Chuck Norris appears on my eReader screen, gives me one of those steely, overly-bearded looks and says, “Metal’s inbound. ย Hang in there, Kent.” ย I tear my eyes off the demoness that’s telekinetically squeezing the life from me and look up. ย State-of-the art, fresh-from-Area-51 bombers scream overhead, deploying glinting pieces of ordnance. ย As they comes streaking down, I see that they’re the metal-est of the metal guitars: ย Electric axes festooned with dino-heads, skulls, as well as some cool,ย gritty robot-looking stuff. ย BOOM. ย They hit the deck and waves of pure Metal (METAAALLLL!!!) emanate out from their points of impact, distorting the air into a badass haze that buffetsย Tadolf Switler. ย She crumples in on herself, screeches, then sprouts batwings and takes to the sky. ย “I WON’T FORGET THIS, KENT!” ย She gives me the finger and I return it. ย That’s the story of how ย I simultaneously pledged to uphold the Spirit of Metal and combat the evil of Tadolf Switler.
Pop stars come and go. ย But Metal? ย Metal will outlast the death of stars and carry on into infinity. ย Getย Echo Vol. 1 on Kindleย here: ย Vol. 1 on Kindle. ย Vol. 2 on Kindle here: ย Vol.2 on Kindleย Vol. 3 on Kindle here: ย Vol. 3 on Kindle


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