(This is the story of how Taylor Swift and I became mortal enemies). Once upon a time I was relaxing by myself at the park, bopping along to “Style,” (Yes, I’m manly enough to admit I like girly music), when Taylor walked up to me, sat down, and began maowing down burritos. I chat with her about life and music, bla bla blah…when suddenly I hear a small, querulous trumpeting sound. I cock an eyebrow at her. “Was that you?” She shakes her head vehemently. “I can’t fart. I’m physically incapable of it.” I reply, “Yeah but I didn’t do it, and you’ve eaten like five burritos and there’s no one around, so…” She chucks the remains of a bean-n-cheese burrito full-force across the empty park. “I’M INCAPABLE OF IT, BITCH!” she screams this as her eyes light with Dark Side Red. My eyes widen and suddenly the Imperial March is sounding through the air as she rises from her seat and Force-chokes me. Out of desperation, I open my eReader to Echo. Magic flash. Chuck Norris appears on my eReader screen, gives me one of those steely, overly-bearded looks and says, “Metal’s inbound. Hang in there, Kent.” I tear my eyes off the demoness that’s telekinetically squeezing the life from me and look up. State-of-the art, fresh-from-Area-51 bombers scream overhead, deploying glinting pieces of ordnance. As they comes streaking down, I see that they’re the metal-est of the metal guitars: Electric axes festooned with dino-heads, skulls, as well as some cool, gritty robot-looking stuff. BOOM. They hit the deck and waves of pure Metal (METAAALLLL!!!) emanate out from their points of impact, distorting the air into a badass haze that buffets Tadolf Switler. She crumples in on herself, screeches, then sprouts batwings and takes to the sky. “I WON’T FORGET THIS, KENT!” She gives me the finger and I return it. That’s the story of how I simultaneously pledged to uphold the Spirit of Metal and combat the evil of Tadolf Switler.
Pop stars come and go. But Metal? Metal will outlast the death of stars and carry on into infinity. Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle