“This is a training X-wing,” Luke informs me as we break free of the exosphere and soar into space.  “Its hyperdrive is deactivated.  It’s also reconfigured so we can sit side by side.  Don’t touch anything unless I—”

“This is so fucking COOL!” I blurt.  “Where the fuck are the proton torpedoes?”  I swivel in place, goggling at the banks of switches and dials.  “What does this do?”  I thrust my finger at a ceiling-mounted lever.  “Can I—”

He slaps my hand away from the lever.  “Don’t.  TOUCH.  You’re still on probation—there’s no way in hell you’re gonna fire any ordnance.”

“Fucking bullshit,” I grumble, crossing my arms.  “I thought the guy who blew up the Death Star would at least have a sense of motherfucking humor.”

“Ex-CUSE me???”  He shoots me a death glare.  “You’re right—I blew up the Death Star.  So show a little gratitude!  Need I remind you you’re a first-day trainee?”

“What the fuck ever,” I mumble.  “Goddamn sister-kisser.”

“WHAT DID YOU—”  His face turns beet red.  His mouth works like Chris Farley playing the bus driver in Billy Madison, when his rage-meter shoots from a 5 out of 10, right past 11, all the way up to the tic-mark labeled UNHERALDED FURY.

“That’s right!” I crow.  “Everyone knows!  You’ve set a disgusting-ass precedent that will open the door for Jamie Lannister banging his sister, which will FURTHER open the door for incest-porn flooding the mainstream sites!  I can’t log on to x-videos or YouJizz without seeing some nasty stepsister shit, and that’s the VERY FUCKING tip of the gross-ass iceberg!  It’s because of YOU, man!!!”

“That is IT!” he roars, snatching his lightsaber off his hip.  It blazes into existence with a bone-chilling VMMM.  “You mouthy little shit!  I hope you like bionic limbs, because after I’m done with you, you’re gonna need a full fucking set!”

No options left.  So I open my eReader to a Kent Wayne novel, activating its mind-bending reality distortion powers.  Magic flash. 

We teleport back to base.  The cockpit flies open.  Yoda the Force-ghost yanks me out, while the specter of Obi-Wan telekinetically deactivates Luke’s saber.  Windu flies in, hitting Luke with a Force-substantiated forehand-backhand, sending him tumbling out of our powered-down starfighter. 

“I have had it with this motherfucking sister-kisser piloting this motherfucking X-Wing!”

Luke runs off, clutching his cheek and bawling, “Fuck you guys!  I’m gonna move to a deserted island and live off a bunch of alien-titty milk!”

The three Force-ghosts respond with jeers, accented with variants of fuck-you-too-you-piece-of-sister-kissing-shit.  Obi Wan thrusts his hips while grabbing his crotch, yelling a final, “Good riddance, asshole!  Try not to blow any of your immediate family members!”

Come on, you’re telling me Lucas couldn’t have thought that out just a little bit better?  Or at least cut it out of the goddamned remastered versions? 

Anyways, fuck it—Kent Wayne wins again!

😀

Have you been saddled with a sister-kissing prick for your very first X-Wing instructor?  Never fear!  Buy my books, summon his Force-ghost mentors, and have them shame him into living off alien titty milk on a deserted island in the ass-end of space!

Get A Door into Evermoor here: A Door into Evermoor.  Get Weapons of Old here: Weapons of Old Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!    

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!     #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing