“Wassup, my fellow Force-ghosts? Fives.” I stride confidently into the Jedi gathering, holding up a hand and clapping it against Windu’s immaterial palm.
Obi Wan Kenobi gives me a dubious look. “Didn’t realize you’d attained master status. Nevertheless, it is evidenced by your aetheric instantiation. Welcome to our—”
Yoda points past my shoulder. “Arrived, dickface has!”
“What the hell?” I turn and watch Anakin zip toward us, jerking his miniscule wiener with Force-powered fury.
By way of explanation, Qui-Gon blurts, “He made sex with Padme Amidala, but he’s still a raging fucking asshole! The incel vibe is strong with this one!” The Jedi master flees with his comrades.
Before I can follow suit, Anakin hits me with an astral freeze. “No!” he yells. “One of you must suffer as I have, and watch me flog my hamster-tail cock!”
I might be insubstantial, but it doesn’t stop my eyes from crying blood. “It’s fucking DISGUSTING!” I gasp.
“I know!” he sobs. “It’s the real reason I went buck-nuts crazy! Who the fuck gives up a hot-ass princess and Chosen One status for a bunch of meaningless Dark Side bullshit? It wasn’t Palpatine—it was my miserable crotch-nub! I mean, look at it—this thing could double as an extra-small clit, maybe even a deformed skin tag!”
“Put it away!” I scream. “You fucking MONSTER!”
As we both cry harder, I realize he isn’t gonna stop until he breaks my psyche. So I muster every ounce of my battered willpower and rip an arm free of his astral control. I take advantage of the brief reprieve by reaching in my robes and opening my eReader to a Kent Wayne novel, activating its mind-bending reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
The spirits of Shmi and Asohka appear in a whirl of interdimensional energy. “Quick!” Shmi yells, “we need to repulse Anakin to the point where he fucks off forever!” She rips off my robes and yanks off my pants.
“I’ll help!” Asohka declares. “You want the balls or the shaft?”
“We’ll both take turns!” Shmi replies.
In the blink of an eye, I go from being forced to watch Anakin beat his vomit-inducing meat to pillowing my head with my hands, leaning back and closing my eyes while my lips spread wide in a shit-eating smile.
Anakin whispers, “Asohka? Mom???” Then he reenacts the end of the third shitty prequel, clutching the air and howling, “NOOOOOOOO!!!!!”
OH yeah! HEH heh heh! Kent Wayne wins again!
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Are you trying to chill with a bunch of afterlife Jedi, only to be interrupted by an incel-vibing dickhead who couldn’t see past his emo-as-fuck rage and be content with sexing up Padme Amidala? Never fear! Buy my books and widen out his mom in front of his ungrateful-ass eyes!
Get A Door into Evermoor here: A Door into Evermoor. Get Weapons of Old here: Weapons of Old Get Kor’Thank here: Kor’Thank: Barbarian Valley Girl. Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Musings, Volume 1 is available here: Musings, Volume 1 Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human: Optimization! 
Hold on! I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate! If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish. Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens! In this manner you can support my books, musings, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to! Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy! Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts! 
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Kent Wayne 
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