Kor’Thank: A High School Absurdical

Under normal circumstances, I glide through life as a freewheeling Man Whore, delighting Soccer Moms with my lariat-capable womb-hammer.  (Use your imagination—the visual is right there for you to laugh at). 

That all changed a few months ago, when a virulent malady swept the Earth and finally accomplished what COVID never could.  It has been called many names on many worlds.  The Heartreft Curse, the Joy-Drain Pestilence, and Boner Slayer are just a few of them.  But here on Earth, it is simply referred to as…

Feelings.

“Holy FUCK!”  I duck down as I run through the woods, barely avoiding an electrified net. 

My former lovers (all super-hot Soccer Moms) crash through the foliage, demanding I get rid of my futon and hammock and replace them with respectable furniture, diamond rings, and a mewling whelp that’ll steal my sleep and devour 99% of my spare fucking time.  Say goodbye to the lovable Man Whore known as Kent Wayne and say hello to a lifeless, gerbil-dicked shell of a man that couldn’t have sex if his life depended on it.

“GodDAMMIT!”  I hurdle a log as several dozen needles fly past me, juiced with fifty thousand volts of limb-jiggling current. 

There’s a trail up here that twists and bends around heavy thicket.  If I can make it in there and hide in the underbrush—

“HHHNNGHHH!!!”  My right butt-cheek explodes with pain; they just fired a tuft-capped tranquilizer dart into my hairy ass.  Everything below the waist instantly goes numb—I drop to the ground like a sack of potatoes.

“Well, well well.”  I shield my eyes with the flat of my hand, trying to make out my matrimony-minded pursuers through the harsh glare of helicopter floodlights.  “Kent Wayne, the most desirable Man Whore in all of existence.  I’m gonna put you to work in a gray-walled cubicle until your balls wither and shrivel into disgusting little raisins.  Your scrotum will exist as a hairy flap of unresponsive skin.”

“No.”  My eyes widen in dawning horror.  “PLEASE!”

“Oh yes, bitch.”  Her lips spread into a predatory grin.  “Time to start Adulting.”

Fuck it.  No options left.  So I open my eReader to Kor’Thank, activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

My clothes disappear in the blink of an eye.  My ankle-length wiener unravels from around my calf and stands at attention, capped by a bead of glistening pre-cum.

“No!”  She takes a step back as her face goes from jeering to fearful.  “The seven-time award-winner of most beautiful genitalia in the Milky Way Galaxy!  Must…hang on…to FEELINGS…”

She can’t do it, but I don’t blame her—NO ONE can, HEH heh heh!”

Dozens of Soccer Moms tear through the forest, descending on my piece like a ravenous pack of just-turned fast-zombies.  I throw my head back and burst into song:  a wordless, opera-worthy melody.

Kent Wayne wins again!  Ha HA!

😀

 

Have your vindictive paramours tried to force you into a hellish world of joyless Adulting?  Never fear!  Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited

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