[Kent Wayne.] Professor X’s mental presence forms in my head.
[Huh? Oh hey Professor. (Guys, be quiet; don’t let Chuck know that we’re—) ]
[Oh for God’s sake, Wayne! Are you having another foursome with Jean, Psylocke, and Storm???]
Jean and Storm chuckle. Psylocke tickles my bung with the end of her pinkie.
“Hey hey HEY! Exit only, sweetie!” I push her hand away from my dirt star. “Careful—that thing’s a deadly weapon. If I didn’t load up on Tums before making sex with you, I’d risk melting your faces with a furnace-hot death-fart. Get out of here!”
The three ladies run out of my bedroom, sheets wrapped around their torsos, giggling like crazy.
[Uh, sorry Professor. What can I do for you?]
Professor X projects a sigh. [I can’t believe that—never mind. Scott and Logan are measuring their penises again and it’s getting heated. I need you to step in and intervene.]
[Dick-measuring contest? Pshhh—I can lay that to rest in a hot second. I’m just gonna walk in there and—]
[Do NOT show them your oversized wiener, Kent! The last time you did it, they fought off suicidal urges for two months straight! I can’t have you—HHHGHHHKKK!]
[Professor? PROFESSOR!] Fuck. Someone hit him with a psychic attack. All I can detect is mental static. Gotta—
[Hello, Kent.] A sinister laugh.
[Da fuq? Who are you?]
[I’ve waited a long time for this. You and your stupid stories…someone should have beaten the creative out of you before you started school.]
GRAMMAR NAZI PRIME!!!
I snarl, [People need hope and inspiration. They need to be called to a higher—]
[The hell you say!] he snaps. [That’s not what they need—they need proper sentence structure, correct punctuation, and OXFORD GODDAMN COMMAS!]
Fuck this turd. Gonna boot him from my mind post fucking haste.
So I open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
[What did you do?] His suspicion turns to panic. [WHAT DID YOU DO???]
[Witness my penis in its true form.] I project a smile and a wave of my hand in front of my crotch. [Prepare to feel wildly insufficient.]
My awakened wiener roars to life, blossoming into its true form.
It screams, [I’M A MOTHERFUCKING DRAGON, BITCH!]
That’s right—residing in my penis is the soul of a dragon.
And it’s too much for Grammar Nazi Prime. He cups his hands around his microphallus, drops to his knees, and breaks into sobs. Any moment now, he’s gonna commit seppuku. Par for the course when you realize you ain’t packing shit between your legs.
Kent Wayne wins again! Ha HA!
Has a low-down Grammar Nazi invaded your psyche? Never fear! Get Kor’Thank here: Kor’Thank: Barbarian Valley Girl. Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Musings, Volume 1 is available here: Musings, Volume 1 If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast: Strained Brains! It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play! Please give it a listen and a five-star review! Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human: Optimization! 🙂 🙂 😀
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