I hop out of my car, lock the door, and bop over to my condo. I’m a professional Man Whore (if you didn’t already know). Just earned me a big cash tip from a lusty soccer mom, and now it’s time to relax and watch Selling Sunset! (I binge-watched them shits in two days—don’t judge!) I strongly suspect Crishell is manipulating me with a giant dose of faux-sweetness, but whatever—I’m rooting for her!
Wait–why is there a gold name plate affixed to my door? It says Kent Wayne, CPA, in large block letters…I was never an accountant! I studied for it, but that was before I found my true calling and decided to whore myself out…
I open the door and walk in, looking cautiously from side to side. Where’s my Star Wars posters? Who took my bean bags? Why is my living room now a waiting room, complete with copies of Home and Gardening???
“Come in,” a voice calls.
I hesitate, then make my way down the hall into my bedroom, which is now an office. It’s got nerdy bullshit all across the walls—certificates, a diploma, letters of commendation…but the most shocking thing of all is sitting behind the desk.
It’s me. A glasses-wearing, dad-bodded, pencil-dicked version of me.
Dork Me smooths his tie and gets to his feet. “Ah, right on schedule. Let me explain—you’re from a parallel universe. Existence 616, to be exact.”
“Wait—what?” My brow furrows. “What the fuck are you talking about? What did you do to my home?”
Dork Me scoffs. “As if I could live in a mere condominium. This is an office and nothing more. My place of residence is a six-bedroom colonial. That’s if I’m not on vacation, in which case I dwell in a quiet, lakeside cottage. I could never live in a condo.” He scoffs again. “I’ve been summoning my multiversal counterparts and picking them off one at a time. There’s far too many well-endowed, male prostitute Kent Waynes to speak of. There’s only one of me. I must restore balance.”
“There’s no way in hell you could ever beat me,” I laugh. “Looks like you’ve never lifted a weight in your entire life, much less trained any form of grappling. How do you expect to—”
Dork Me unzips his pants, revealing a nubby little micro-dick.
The effect is immediate—I stumble back, gagging and coughing. Oh Christ—the sight of his evil little peen is tearing at my mind! Demonic laughter rings through my ears. The world dissolves into a miasmic churn. There’s nothing worth living for, nothing worth striving for…
NO! I open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
My humongous wiener unwraps from around my ankle and thigh, animated by a nameless force that defies description. It towers high in the air, lets loose with a thundering cry from its impeccably clean dicklips—AWOOOOOOOOO!!!—and descends upon Dork Me like an over-sized hammer. Ker-SPOOSH! His bones snap like dried kindling.
My wiener smashes him a few more times, turning him from broken flesh into a blotchy red smear. That’s what you get for trying to destroy my mind, bitch! Kent Wayne wins again! Ha HA!
Has an evil Dork You sprung an ambush with their disgusting-ass genitals? Never fear! Get Kor’Thank here: Kor’Thank: Barbarian Valley Girl. Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Musings, Volume 1 is available here: Musings, Volume 1 If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast: Strained Brains! It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play! Please give it a listen and a five-star review! Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human: Optimization! 🙂 🙂 😀
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