WITHIN THE GUT OF KENT WAYNE, PROLIFIC AUTHOR AND CONSUMMATE MAN WHORE:
I, microbe 14673 of the 670th Gastro Intestinal Brigade, charge the fresh rush of mountain dew, special edition biscuits n’ gravy lays potato chips, accompanied by the obligatory mouthful of Elmer’s Paste (someone tell me—why the fuck is this asshole maowing down glue like a brain-addled pre-schooler?)
Legions of microbes perish in a giant wash of toxins, dissolved and deconstructed in the blink of an eye. I’m numb to the horror; I’ve fought countless battles in this desolate hellhole. As I slice through chain after chain of molecular poisons, one of my comrades halts in his tracks and suffers a complete breakdown.
“Get UP, motherfucker!” I snarl, booting him in the back of his plasmid ass. “If we don’t fight off this meal, then we are well and truly fucked!”
“Look.” He nods at the newest horror making its way through Kent Wayne’s esophagus. “Our host-body just ate an entire pack of spicy sausages.”
“Oh my God.” Horror washes through my mind. “He’s gonna—”
“Shit like there’s no tomorrow,” my fellow microbe affirms. “In the next few minutes, most of us are gonna fly out his butt and get flushed down the toilet.”
I can’t take any more of this fucking BULLSHIT! I CAN’T FUCKING TAKE IT!!!
So I open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
WITHIN THE WRINKLES OF KENT WAYNE’S BALLSACK:
What the…where am I? WHO am I? My body is all slimy…looks like a tadpole…
“This is it, sperm!” A squad leader roars. “Get ready to launch! Spare no mouth, anus, or vajeen!”
I cast a dazed look around and realize I’m surrounded by dozens of sperm cells. They all look determined as fuck; they’re wriggling like crazy, ready to jet from the glans and defile their targets.
Relief dawns as I realize I’m one of them.
Yeah, mofo! Starching orifices is WAY better than fighting off an unending mountain of inedible shit!
Are you a beleaguered stomach microbe looking to escape your horrible fate? Never fear! Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Musings, Volume 1 is available here: Musings, Volume 1 If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast: Strained Brains! It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play! Please give it a listen and a five-star review! Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human: Optimization! 🙂 🙂 😀
Hold on! I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate! If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish. Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens! In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to! Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy! Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts! 😲💪 😜