“Hmmm….” Martha Stewart looks speculatively at her hand, curling her fingers one after the other. “You’ve done good as a Man Whore Kent, but my prison-hardened mind desires something more.”
“Uh…hold on a second, this isn’t what we agreed to.” I’m bent over one of her rustic, artisan, tree-trunk tables, my pants puddled around my knees, my bare ass exposed and presented to her like I was a rhesus monkey in heat.
“Martha, we agreed on terms and conditions. In exchange for payment, I provide you with sexual services that have been extensively detailed in the contract you signe—”
“Silence.” She grabs me by the hair and pulls my head violently back. I try to push off the table, but she whacks me in the lower back with the end of a rolling pin.
“AAARRRGGHHH!!” Everything goes numb below the waist.
“That’s what you get,” she hisses. “You’re my man-bitch pig-slut—understand, Kent? MINE. The only question you should ask is whether you want the fist or the pin to go up your magnificent, squat-thickened ass. How much of a Man Whore are you, Kent? We’re about to find out.”
“AH GOD!” I blubber. “TAKE MY MAN WHORE CARD! I DON’T WANT IT ANYMORE!!!”
“Gladly.” I can’t see her grin, but I can hear it in her voice. “It’s somewhere in your colon, right?” She touches my butthole with the tip of her finger. If she wasn’t holding me down with her Food Network-jitsu, I’d jump ten feet into the fucking air.
I break into a frightened chant: “No no no NO!” At the same time, I reach in my pocket and open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
“JUSTICE!” Superman streaks down from the sky, double-punching Martha in the chest and sending her rocketing backwards. She slows herself down by raking the floor with her beast-ass fingers and digging her toes into the ground. Broken fragments of expensive marble tile erupt around her hands and her feet.
She looks up from her crouch, her eyes glowing like a pair of dying red suns. “Want some of this, boy scout?”
“This isn’t right, Martha.” Superman crosses his arms and gives her an All-American glare. “Don’t make me hurt you.”
She barks out a short, harsh laugh. “You couldn’t hurt me if you tried.”
She springs to her feet and charges headlong into his chest. She’s so damn fast; her features blur into a blond-bobbed streak. They both go crashing through the wall. I catch a glimpse of their trajectory; they punch a hole through five buildings, each of which remaining standing for a couple of seconds before they sag inward and implode into giant clouds of dust.
I get to my feet, hitch my pants up, and try not to piss myself. Fail.
“RUN, KENT!” Supes comes flying out from the wreckage, zigzagging in erratic patterns across the sky. Martha’s clinging to his back like an angry monkey, biting the shit out of his neck and head. Holy shit—her teeth are actually piercing his bulletproof skin. Blood fountains out from his gory wounds, streaking his blue-torsoed suit in lurid freshets of eye-catching crimson.
“RUN!” he screams again, trying to reach over his shoulder and punch the Food Network demoness. She flits from side to side, dodging his strikes, cackling up a storm. Her teeth and lips are covered in Kryptonian blood.
“FUCKING RUN, KENT! SHE’S TOO FUCKING POWERFUL!”
Oh CHRIST! I take off sprinting, blubbering and crying like a full-on man-bitch. I saved myself from Martha, but at what cost?
At. What. COST????
*Theme from Requiem for a Dream*
Have you whored yourself out to the wrong Food Network icon? Never fear! Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Musings, Volume 1 is available here: Musings, Volume 1 If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast: Strained Brains! It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play! Please give it a listen and a five-star review! Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human: Optimization! 🙂 🙂 😀
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