I walk through my campus, flashing an easy grin, but reserving my panty-dropping smile for the students’ moms. That’s right—I need a lady who’s down with the Nasty. Any chick who’s squirted a nine-pound fleshling out from their nethers in a horrific, Cthulu-like spawn-session is way more down to try some butt-stuff. (Just sayin’.)
Man, things sure have changed since I was in my twenties; students are all about enforcing political correctness and spreading penis-hate. I know it’s cliché, but I’m one of those “if you’re not hurting anyone, then go ahead and do your thing” types. I’m on these youngsters’ side…
But I like my penis. I spend hours playing with it, and I take a lotta pride in taking good photos of it, so I can show its turgid thickness to eager Soccer Moms. It’s been my best buddy since…well, since forever, really. To tell you the truth, all this anti-penis sentiment makes me really uncomfor—
“HEY!” An angry AF Social Justice Warrior points a quivering finger at me. “YOU! You down for the cause, you Cis-fuck oppressor?”
“Um…me?” I point at my chest and glance nervously around. “Uh…yeah…I guess…the same rights for everyone, right? Uh…so yes. Yes…sir?”
“Try again.” The SJW’s eyes narrow with hate.
“Ma’am?” I venture.
They narrow further. “Again.”
I spend the next hour staring at my phone, drawing a crowd as I run through every pronoun that pops up on Google. When none of them satisfy the SJW, (it?) cries, “OFF WITH HIS PENIS! HE’S A GODDAMN PHALLO-CENTRIC HATE-MONGER!”
“NO!” I cry, holding my hands out. “PLEASE!”
But they don’t listen; they just keep closing in.
No options left. So I open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
My persecuted junk erupts from my pants with a ferocious “RUAAAAAHH!!!!”
As foot after foot of engorged genitalia rushes out, my hair blows back from the sheer force of its magnificent emergence. Everyone around me squints their eyes and shields their faces with raised forearms.
“WHO DARES DISTURB MY SLUMBER???” Wiener roars. “FLEE BEFORE MY WRATH, LEST I UNLEASH MY FETID CHEESE!”
The SJWs make a break for it, screaming and gibbering at the top of their lungs. I can’t blame ’em—I mean I clean my junk on a regular basis…
But the cheese…yeah. FETID.
Have you been labeled as The Oppressor by a bunch of unfulfilled nerds who need to get a hobby? Never fear! Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Musings, Volume 1 is available here: Musings, Volume 1 If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast: Strained Brains! It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play! Please give it a listen and a five-star review! Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human: Optimization, and last but not least, my buddy Jumar Balacy has made a supercool microsite at kentwaynebrain.com! Go check out his computer-based wizardry 🙂 🙂 😀
Hold on! I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate! If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish. Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens! In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to! Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy! Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts! 😲💪 😜