Every so often, the people need a hero–a savior that ventures forth into the darkness, ready to champion the oppressed and empower the under-trodden. A savior who breathes fresh life into the collective.
Kent Wayne is not that hero. Kent Wayne is not that savior.
WITHIN KENT WAYNE’S SAN FRANCISCO STUDIO:
Holy jizzle bits! Time to wake up, work out, knock out taxes, meditate, and…
And…
All that can wait—Kent be HONGRAY! I reach beneath me and pull out a half-eaten protein bar that I accidentally slept on, and maow them shits down. NOMMOs!
Okay—NOW I’m ready to…
I look down at my morning boner. Hmm…it’d be a shame to waste this…
A damn shame.
DOZEN OF JERKS LATER…
Ugh…can barely move…maybe I can still squeeze another one out…hnnnghhh…
HNNNGHHH…
Nah…it’s like I’m trying to play pool with a goddamn scarf…fuck.
I collapse back in bed, blowing out a loud sigh. How the hell can I finish my book if I keep giving in to the urge to jerk it like a fifteen year old virgin in high school math who’s seizing on the golden opportunity to spooge into his desk when everyone’s distracted by the cool substitute teacher who’s decided to show the new John Wick film instead of actually teaching class?
Let me assure you that none of the above is derived from personal experience. (DON’TLOOKATME!)
Goddammit! I’ve got stories to tell! Ideas to express! If only…
If only…
Of course! There’s an easy way out of this—it was staring me in the face this entire time!
I open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
Soccer Mom Prime, the love of my love, materializes in front of me. She puts both hands on her hips and tsk tsks.
“Kent. We’ve talked about this. Come on—you’ve got a gift. You can’t afford to waste it.”
I cover my face with both hands. “I knoooowwww,” I moan. “I just can’t stop jerking off and eating snacks! I need some motivation that goes above and beyond. I’ve been trying to find something, but–”
“If you finish your next book, I’ll let you do anal.”
At the mention of anal, I experience a brief moment of out-of-body rapture; I’ve been gifted with the power of flight, and I’m soaring hundreds of feet above the clouds. My skin is bathed in a soothing glow of warm, golden sunlight. Tears trickle down my cheeks as I realize I’m about to arrive at the Promised Land they spoke of in myths and lege—
“Kent!” A slap across my face brings me back to my senses. “GET TO WORK!”
“Yes MA’AM!” I leap up from my bed and into my ergonomic office chair, banging away at a blank Word document at 200 words per minute. Out of the corner of my eye, I see SMP giving me giant, shit-eating grin. Still typing, I glance back over my shoulder…
And I throw it right back at her.
😀
Do you need EXTRA MOTIVATION to get you up and writing? Never fear! Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Musings, Volume 1 is available here: Musings, Volume 1 If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast: Strained Brains! It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play! Please give it a listen and a five-star review! Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human: Optimization, and last but not least, my buddy Jumar Balacy has made a supercool microsite at kentwaynebrain.com! Go check out his computer-based wizardry 🙂 🙂 😀
Hold on! I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate! If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish. Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens! In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to! Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy! Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts! 😲💪 😜
Kent Wayne 
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