Not sure if you know this, but as a writer, I can state with confidence that there’s a physical feeling that goes along with a potential story. Sometimes it’s mild, sometimes it’s strong. It feels like you’re on the verge of doing something momentous, and people are egging you on, saying “Do IT. Do IT!” At times, it’s damn near unbearable.
But it’s worth it. Sitting in front of the keyboard and letting the words come flowing (sometimes oozing) out my fingers is like unkinking a mental hose: letting a buildup of water finally come through. It’s not a choice, it’s mandatory. Every one of you who’s felt compelled to write—poem, short story, book, whatever—knows exactly what I’m talking about.
Today, as I sit in front of my computer, nothing’s coming. No tug at the edges of my brain…hell, not even a tickle. It’s just me, my folder full of clips from fiftyplusmilfs, and my reflexively twitching hand, whispering insistently that I can hold off on this writing shit—that I can power through one more jerk-sesh and go back to singing along with Leona Lewis videos.
NYAAAAAHHHHH!!!! I pop up from my chair and start running in circles, flailing my arms and blurting out nonsensical jib-jab. Flibberty gibberty skulldoobies! Nibba noinch luggopolis!
Out of sheer desperation, I open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
My body goes on autopilot—I hunch over like the nekkid ape-man that I am and begin stroking my broom-sized boner with both hands. My unprecedented vigor causes it to lurch upward, nearly knocking me out with its basketball-sized glans.
SHIT! FUCK! This is EXACTLY what I was trying to avoid! I don’t want to pleasure myself; I’ve got work to do, goddammit! Why the hell did my eReader make me—
“RUAAAHHH!!!! BOW BEFORE THE DARK LORD ASTAROTH!!!” (Yeah, go ahead and laugh—I like to scream Dungeons & Dragons stuff whenever I cum)
Blasts of vile goo—each curdy wave reminds me of when someone’s popped a champagne bottle and is giving it a celebratory shake—erupt from my wiener, slathering my San Francisco studio in a thick wall of plasm that would make Slimer nod with mad respect. Holy cock fungus!
And then…whoa…my mind…it’s ablaze with visions of Elves and robots…twists of irony that illustrate the undying heart of reality…
I KNOW WHAT TO WRITE!!!
All it took was a big ol’ monster-gasm. Jeez, Kent—you should’ve known.
I sit down in front of my laptop and knock out page after page of free-flowing narrative. As the hours pass by, I can’t help but notice the gallons of sperm drying on the walls.
Maybe I should mop it up…might be unhygienic…
NAH! I’m a professional Man Child.
Are you at a loss as to what to write, and are in need of a magically assisted jerk-sesh in order to spin up those creative gears? Never fear! Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast: Strained Brains! It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play! Please give it a listen and a five-star review! Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human: Optimization, and last but not least, my buddy Jumar Balacy has made a supercool microsite at kentwaynebrain.com! Go check out his computer-based wizardry 🙂 🙂 😀
Hold on! I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate! If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish. Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens! In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to! Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy! Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts! 😲💪 😜