Ironically, even when it seems to put a relationship at risk, I’ve found that setting boundaries generally improves it. Sometimes, the person falls out of my life, but even more surprising is when they come back in, after reflecting on the exchange and stating they’re ready to honor the boundary.
On a related note, I think it’s important to respect myself as much as others. That way, if they need me, I can bring my best, most capable self to the occasion.
Hey thanks for the like on my short story Boomstick. I read your interview on MKZLiterartiste. Super cool and insightful. It is interesting to see other’s writing technique. I’m like you, too busy editing and writing to read much. However, I have an 18 year old that would really like your Echo series. And when I read your description of Kor’ Thank Barbarian Valley Girl….BRO! YES! I will take the time to read that one. I love the absurd. Good writing!
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Hope your 18 year old enjoys Echo! It’s pretty violent, gritty and profane, but not obscene. As far as Kor’Thank, it was influenced by a buttload of Calvin and Hobbes and Barry Ween, and also a bunch of psychedelics. Hope that’s your jam!
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Calvin and Hobbes, hell yeah! Psychedelics, not so much, but groovy.
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Boundaries are the best safety for ourselves!
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Boundaries in relationships are the same as geopolitical boundaries… they have their pros and wars.
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I agree. Boundaries are important for both ourselves and the other person (people).
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So. Is there an equally profound reaction when you discover that the boundaries set might’ve been just as or more beneficial had you bent to the parameters set by the other?
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I’m not sure if I would call it equally profound, but I found it profound in my opinion: it degrades the relationship by signaling I’m open to being taking advantage of, and it also degrades my self-worth, as I’m not treating myself with respect.
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Surly you are bigger and more stable than to think that allowing as other opinions and values may at some time, even if rarely, have value even exceeding yours and worthy of expanding your world (and and personal views and values)? To respect others is not to detract in any way from your self respect. Self respect and runaway ego or feelings of superiority are not the same.
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Others’ opinions are definitely valuable. However, I don’t see setting boundaries as discounting their opinions. It is simultaneously respecting myself and them. And in nearly every instance, it has led to greater connection. I’m not sure where ego or feelings of superiority fit into this.
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mike tyson likes to say that if you’re a friend to everyone, you’re an enemy to yourself. pretty profound! Mike
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Spot on Musing! 🙂
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