Musings

Musings

DirtySciFiBuddha26 Comments

Most prefer positivity, but opinions differ on whether to force it or be negative in the name of authenticity.

When I force positivity, it feels like I’m a ceaseless ball of tension, everywhere from my muscles to my intrusive thoughts. When I deliberately justify or rationalize negativity, it grows and emboldens. In either case, I end up exhausted.

Personally, I’ve found it more cathartic to accept and feel negativity without consciously accelerating it. I allow myself to be irrationally angry, without badgering myself as to why I should or shouldn’t be. Conscious rejection or justification seem to act as an accelerant, ensuring the negativity lingers and eats up processing power, eventually growing into an all-consuming fire. I’d rather shake hands with it, respect it, and let it have its say. I don’t have to outwardly express it, tolerate it (begrudging acceptance), agree with it, or argue for or against it. I just let it be felt and heard inside my mind, and if something else negative comes along, I let that be felt and heard as well. Then, after respecting and acknowledging each other, me and my negativity agree to disagree and go our separate ways.

That’s what seems to work for me. Not sure if it works for anyone else.

26 thoughts on “Musings”

  1. Oh this makes all the sense to me. I think this is the best way to deal with human emotions. They neither have to be right or wrong. But just to sit in them and not to project them onto anybody or act on them even. Really loved this one.

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  2. Great posts as always. I enjoy reading all your posts, but this one really resonated with me. As someone with mental health issues, I have often had my bad days adopting a negative frame of mind. I’ve come to accept that it’s simply a part of who I am. Emotions cannot be controlled. The only thing one can do is try to make the best out of them. Your post brought to mind the amazing animated film “Inside Out”. It tells the story of a teenage girl whose emotions guide her actions. Whether it’s anger or joy, the film shows how emotion is a part of who we are as people. If you’re feeling down or depressed, this film is really helpful to watch. Here’s why I recommend it:

    “Inside Out” (2015) – Movie Review

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  3. Good strategy. Emotions are like signposts: they tell us something. But we don’t have to go where they point. When we identify with them – when we say, “I ‘am’ angry/scared/whatever,” – we make them seem bigger; they fill our attention. It’s as if we’re right under the signpost, examining it microscopically. Our mental space-time bends, so it’s hard to walk away. We become ‘impassioned’. But we can (if we remember) ‘de-identify’: see the signpost for what it is – just a signpost towards something we could try to resolve. We gain ‘perspective’. And then we can decide whether to ‘go there’, to try to resolve that issue or – as you say – merely nod and walk onward.

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    • Great way to put it! Yes, identifying with them kind of puts a box on our identity. I like to remember they are indeed a part of me, make friends with that part of me so I don’t carry internal conflict, then continue forward in wholeness once again.

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  4. Great post. There is this determined mindset of positivity in the world that tends to make us feel we have to snap out of a negative mood asap. That it’s wrong to dwell there. This engenders guilt, leaving one even weaker. But to just let it be, neither encouraging nor fighting it requires the greatest feat of all, to have total control over one’s thoughts?

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    • Indeed! I like to think of it as proceeding forward in wholeness, since that negativity is a part of me, and I also happen to believe that if we are whole and harmonious, positivity is the default.

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  7. I know we’ve discussed this one previously, you and I…I respect what works for you, sometimes I feel like I need to do whatever I can to resurrect my positivity before it comes naturally to the surface just because it keeps me moving more towards the surface if I feel like I’m figuratively drowning because of something…

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      • Left-handers rock in my opinion. Just ask all the left-handed people in my extended family; they’ll (grandparents, aunts, cousins, and my siblings) tell you the same! Of course, I am left-handed, too. ~Nan

        PS. Are you?

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      • My maternal grandfather was forced to write with his right hand although he did most things with his dominant hand. My paternal grandmother, for some reason, wasn’t forced to write with her right-hand, or maybe she was just strong-willed enough to not change. She helped my mom and dad “deal” with my sisters and my left-handedness (as both of my parents were right-handed).  Fortunately, most schools (and teachers) no longer force all children to write with right-handed. That barbaric practice has fallen out of favor although every so often there will be a story about someone who still tried to “convert” a young child.   ~Nan    

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      • Now, it is considered ignorant (and often harmful), but long ago, the thought was that left-handed people were “of the devil” or “sinister,” and had to be changed to make them right. In Latin the word for right was “dexter” and left was “sinister.” Thus left-handers were sinister (or evil). Fortunately, that practice of switching children rarely exists any more.

           

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  8. Hey, I understand. Sometimes I feel irrationally angry, and forcing myself to be positive, doesn’t always work. Or a friend of mine and I used to say, “I’m mad, and I’m glad about it.” ~Nan

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  9. I think it is important to normalize negativity – rationalize it. It is supposedly, I believe, considered implicitly, “pro-social” behavior to exhibit positivity, even when you don’t feel like it. I was consistently told as a kid that, I would start to feel positive if I pretended I was positive. Well, that is all fine and dandy I think for some people but not for people who don’t readily conform to placebo, which could be for multitudinous reasons I am not going to tell you about in a 3-hour long comment on your blog post.

    I have difficulty rationalizing when other people tell you that you need to be positive, when they are perhaps just telling you to be positive because they don’t feel comfortable with your negativity. They say it is maybe “selfish” to act negatively, but wait, isn’t it selfish to tell me I have to walk on eggshells because I can’t express how I truly feel right now? Who is the one NOT observing pro-social behavior in this situation? If you don’t like how I feel, go away. If I need you to be around, I will get motivation to change what I am doing in this situation.

    Very often, dwelling on a negative subject or just feeling negative in general is normal. It is completely fine. I think sometimes people confuse “feeling in the middle” between positive and negative as feeling negative. Sometimes people just feel depressed for multiple reasons and nothing at all. It’s okay. Just explore your genuine self – who you are, because your brain is dwelling on something in order to solve a problem – the problem of existence and what is going on right now for you. Let it dwell on that. You are a problem solver. That’s a good thing. The brain focuses on negative things sometimes so it knows how to create the patterns to either solve it or avoid something unpleasant.

    Ask yourself, “is there a long-term benefit to dwelling on this negativity?” If you can list several benefits for being this way, that’s good, in my opinion. It’s perfectly okay, and just give yourself some forgiveness and normalize it for yourself. How often we show forgiveness to others for the way they act, but we can’t process our own feelings because we don’t speak up against ourselves and say, it’s fine. I am this way, and I accept myself for how I am right now.

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    • I like that you touched on long-term benefit. Yes, I think a lot of forced positivity comes from short-sightedness and exclusionary thinking. A more productive way to frame it, in my opinion, would be oriented around long-term benefit, or net fulfillment.

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