“Hello Unicorn!” I wave vigorously at my equine friend. He flips his mane back and tosses me a wink. “Hello Sprites! Hello Pixies! I greet my fairytale buddies with a beaming grin. They all wave back and voice a hearty greeting.
How swell! How wonderful! And why wouldn’t it be? Another perfect day in the Land of Wom!
The Land of Wom is a fantasy utopia, constructed by extradimensional beings of the highest order. In Wom, there’s no suffering, no disease, no malice, no confusion. All is play, all is whimsy. What fun!
“What are you doing today, Kent?” Argotryce rumbles. (An Argotryce is like a wolf-headed horse made from super bright moonbeams).
“Oh I don’t know…” I pick a few flowers made of liquid sunshine from my floating rock garden, and munch thoughtfully on their petals. They taste extra blaze-y today. “I’ve been thinking of creating a pocket universe ruled by well-endowed apes. Either that or laze by the Star Pool and fish for some concepts.”
“For bait, you might want to try 40% desire, 60% laughter. I’ve had good luck with that particular mix.”
“Thanks Argo!” I exclaim. “I’m always up for a new fishing lure.”
His silver-purple lips part, but before he can reply, a sinister chuckle rumbles through the aetherosphere.
“Ho ho ho! Ha ha ha! MOO HOO HA HA! Well if it isn’t Kent Wayne, as I live and breathe!”
I look wildly from side to side, my eyes wide with fear. “Who’s that? WHO’S THERE???”
My fairytale buddies squawk and run, disappearing into glowing wormholes or vanishing into puffs of multicolored smoke. The hypnagogic sky darkens overhead, filling with giant storm clouds. They’re each adorned with a vaporous face, and they’re all sporting toothy, malevolent smiles.
“You don’t recognize me, Kent? Your old pal Grammar Nazi?”
“I’m gonna lower your sperm count down to negative four, and strip every ounce of creativity from your weird-ass mind. You’re going to Cubicle World, Kent; enough of this Land of Wom bullshit!”
“No!” I scream. “FUCK YOU!”
No options left. So I open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
A blazing flash of clockwise-swirling light descends from above, hitting the earth with the force of a bomb. Glowing tendrils seep out from the impact, forming a luminescent web of veiny shimmer that coats the ground for twenty miles in all directions. I watch in awe as a half-sphere of light forms from the incandescent locus, bubbling up into a recognizable figure.
It’s Soccer Mom Prime. Comprised of crackling blue luster, rendered in 999999 (repeating) K Astral HD.
“Get thee behind me, Man Whore,” she rasps.
I flee behind her heart-shaped buttocks as she runs toward Grammar Nazi and chops the air with straightened hands, blurring into a human-shaped smear of gathering energy. By the time she reaches my fiendish oppressor, her limbs are barely distinguishable; she looks like a collection of blinding speed lines from your favorite anime.
Firecracker sparkles erupt from the collision. Somewhere in the chaos, I hear Grammar Nazi Prime howling in agony.
The winds die down. I hear Soccer Mom Prime clapping her hands, as if she’s just checked an errand off a lengthy to-do list.
“Come on, Kent.” She cycles a hand impatiently before her. “Get those pants off. I didn’t come all this way not to get a helping of that thick, upcurved womb-hammer.”
Hot DIGGITY! Keep your fantasy-land creatures! Soccer Mom lovemaking is where it’s AT!
Has your peaceful whimsy been disturbed by an essay-touting dickhead? Never fear! Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Musings, Volume 1 is available here: Musings, Volume 1 If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast: Strained Brains! It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play! Please give it a listen and a five-star review! Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human: Optimization! 🙂 🙂 😀
Hold on! I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate! If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish. Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens! In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to! Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy! Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts! 😲💪 😜