There’s a dimension beyond space and time…a place where Elven soccer moms dress in see-through lingerie and engage in slow-motion pillow fights…a place where my anus does not conjure poop, but instead, emits NY style pizza of the highest caliber…an eternal wonderland where I wear no tie (or anything else, for that matter) and ride a velociraptor….

Yep—you guessed it.
INSIDE KENT WAYNE’S IMAGINATION:

I said godDAMN! Fucking LOVE having an overly whimsical mind!  My physical body may be smiling and nodding at a motley arrangement of redundant office managers…but inside my brain, I’m fighting Orcs and dragons, farting like a madman, and boffing the finest of Elven maidens!  OH yeah!

Here I go, surfing a wave of pure starlight, cruising past the black-hole core of the Andromeda Galaxy, and then I—

—blink my eyes and I’m grappling with a frost giant, raising it high above my head before I bring it down onto my kn—

—I try to rise but there’s no time; I push off the ground and roll away from a lightsaber, barely avoiding its sizzling blade, then power thirty-feet up in a Force-assisted back—

—flip down into the Black Lion, keying up the dynotherms and getting ready to form Voltron, when suddenly—
THE “REAL” WORLD:

“Kent? Kent!”

“Huh? Wha?” I shake my head in shock and befuddlement.

I’m stuck in my physical body, and I…I…

Shit—I can’t go back into my overactive imagination! Something’s stopping me!

What could be the—

“That’s right.”  My accounting professor claps his hands onto my trapezius muscles and starts massaging them.  “While you were flying around in La La Land, I snuck this evil-ass tie around your neck.  It’ll shrink your testicles down to the size of cherry pits, and confine your mind to a yearning-for-Friday fugue state.  Thought you could avoid becoming a responsible office drone, eh, Kent?”  I can’t see his smile, but I can hear it in his voice.  “Joke’s on you, dickcheese.”

“Nnnn…nnnn…” My mouth works soundlessly, trying to form a protest.  A few seconds later, it comes spilling past my lips in a horrified wail:  “NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!”

“OH yeah!”  He grabs me by the hair, pulling my head back and bringing his mouth down so he can whisper into my ear.  “This is the rest of your life, motherfucker. Hope you’re good on Ambien and Xanax—those’re the only ways you’re gonna cope with the horror.”

My eyes steel over with fresh resolve.  “Not a chance,” I rasp.  And then I open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

A loaded DMT pipe materializes in front of me.  I jerk my head forward, breaking free of my professor’s grip, and fit my lips around it.  Three deep inhales, and—

YIBYOBWUHHIBITYBUNGAMUNGA-SNAGOO!

Back to the REAL world, motha ducka! I look around and smile, for all is well; I’m riding atop a cyborg pterodactyl, cutting across a sky filled with X-wings.

Kent Wayne escapes again! Ha HA!

😀

 

Is someone trying to bind your soul with the ho-hum promise of a corner fucking office and a slight bump in pay, most of which will funnel right back into a bunch of business casual BULLSHIT?  Never fear!  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  And last but not least, here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜