Doo bee doo bee doo…walking around in my jammies, watching Rick n’ Morty…Oh hello there, Cheeba Chew! Congratulations on being sold in California as a legal recreational good! Be gentle—I’m a bit of a lightweight!
GULP! MMMM!!!
ONE HOUR LATER:
I’m running naked through Golden Gate Park, cradling my coiled up, giantic-ass phallus as if it were a comatose anaconda. Carmina Burana’s “O’Fortuna” is blasting through the air, heralding the coming of Satan. The trees loom over me like rapey Ents, ready to subject me to a barrage of giant spiders, Uruk-Hai Orcs, Ringwraiths, or—
I don’t know man—I’m fucking HIIIIIIIIIIGHHHH!!!!
The cloud morphs into laughing chihuahuas. Death Star lasers fire from their snouts, hitting the earth and transforming the ground into vast swaths of char. A cyborg T-rex bursts from the bushes and snaps me up. I slide down its gullet, screaming in horror.
“I’M A FRIEND TO ALL DINOSAURS! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIIIISSSSSS—”
I squirt out its butthole and tumble back into the woods, quickly hemmed in by Gnome wizards. They raise their gnarled staffs at me. I duck and flinch as bolts of weaponized magic streak past my face. They start aiming low and I jump into a splits—YOW!—and their eldritch fire singes my ballsack. I keep running, even as my short-n-curlies burn down to the roots—HNNGHH!—and sting my pendulous nuts.
Suddenly, the coils of cock I’ve got cradled in my arms come to life. They begin waving through the air like a charmed cobra. My mammoth penis faces me, twitching its pee-hole like a hungry mouth, snapping at my face in twitchy stabs.
“Wait—” SNAP! “Don’t—” SNAP!
It hits me right in the kisser. I see stars…then regain consciousness right before I hit the deck. I grab my cock under its head with my left hand start pummeling it with my right.
“Why—“ Biff!
“Are—” Bonk!
“You—” Whap!
“Making—” Slap!
“ME—” Pop!
“DO THIS!” POW!
I fight back tears as my own freaking dong—my lifelong buddy and loyal companion—screams in pain. It slips from my grasp and encircles my neck. My face goes red as bulging tumescence chokes the life out of me.
“Hurrk…no…don’t…we…loved…each…other…”
My vision goes blurry. Black walls begin shrinking my sight. Is that my little terrier buddy Bitefighter running toward me? No, it’s just an illusion…but he’s still running, and he’s holding something in his jaws…what the hell…
Bitefighter runs up to me, drops my eReader, and noses it open to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
“WHATTHEHOOZIS!” I bolt straight up in bed, my hands raised like an old-timey boxer. Bitefighter is on my lap, giving me a weird look.
“Thank Batman!” I flop back onto my pillow, breathing heavy.
Gotta take it easy on those edibles!
Have you eaten too much dank, and are now fearing for your life as you’re being pursued by the astral wizards of Elothia? Never fear! Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle #kindle #kindleunlimited #sciencefiction #scifi #books #novel #book
Kent Wayne 
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