Musings

Musings

DirtySciFiBuddha36 Comments

For most of my life, I’ve focused on everything going wrong (or the potential for it to do so), wallowing in paranoia, condemnation, and exhausting vigilance. Nowadays, I focus on calibrating my perception toward solutions and good fortune, priming my subconscious to seek more of the same. In the cosmically short blip that is my life, where due to my incredibly limited senses, I can only detect a tiny fraction of greater reality, I’d like to focus on positive potential as much as I can. Eventually, maybe someone will create an existential balance sheet, weighing all pros and cons from the smallest quantum value to the largest possible scale, and definitively make the case that I should view the world as inherently cruel (or random to the point of cruelty when considering the entirety of reality). Until then, I’m fine with being a happy idiot.

36 thoughts on “Musings”

  1. Thanks for stopping by my new blog. I feel this. I’m weighing a lot of my views on positivity and self-image right now. My goal is to find that happy medium between, “I can do good things” and “This is shit.” Good luck as you think about your own goals in this regard!

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    • I know you’ll get there! Personally, I find acceptance of what arises, whether that’s external or internal phenomena, is the way to go for me. Doesn’t mean I have to express it outwardly, but it definitely haves to validate and acknowledge it inwardly.
      Denying or trying to rationalize away negativity just makes it dig in harder and I get exhausted. That’s just me, though, it may not be everybody.

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  2. “I’m fine with being a happy idiot.”

    This resonates perfeclty with me.

    I was told by a lot of people that the world would judge me because of X… but I live in a place where I’m perfectly happy as X, if not given too much attention. X being any number of things I don’t need to get into.

    While my heart goes out to those suffering, my life is still a good life, and I don’t want to ignore that by insisting how bad “the world” is. One dark spot does not define the entire world, nor does one light spot. I’ve found it’s usually not as bad as I’m thinking, strangely…

    I’m writing a piece on this exact subject, actually. I used to feel obligated to be sad to look “smarter,” and my main character has to overcome this pressure, it’s helping me and my writing grow simultaneously.

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    • Nice! Yes, if we were constantly meant to cater to others’ judgment, we would have little to no room to explore our own quests and inclinations. While society is a crucial boundary-setter that offers me guidance on where my adventure might take me, I don’t think it’s a tyrannical, Simon-says-style ruler that I appease by turning into a flesh-and-blood machine.

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  15. Thanks for your words of wisdom…I’ve been facing some challenging life situations and your blog was spot-on with what I’ll be trying to do this upcoming week. Much appreciated! I’ve reblogged it for others to read and to serve as a reminder to me during the upcoming week. – David

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    • I’ve tried, thinking I could eventually grab ahold of that final tally and keep adjusting to account for new events. It didn’t work and you’re right–it’s absolutely overwhelming.

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    • For me it’s a bit of a nuanced issue. Deliberately focusing on the worst case scenario when it’s not on the horizon doesn’t seem to be productive for me. However, sometimes my thoughts act up and the worst case scenario dances around in my brain without my prompting. In those cases, I find that allowing myself to feel whatever arises, accepting thoughts as they spontaneously form, is the way to go, because if I try and deny my spontaneous feelings and thoughts, the worst case scenario just hangs around longer. This way, I validate and accept it, it does the same for me, then goes on its way and I do the same. But I agree with what I think is your underlying sentiment–focusing on the worst case scenario because I’m being “brutally honest” “always prepared,” or some other type of arbitrary standard isn’t very productive for me. It just stresses me out and darkens my worldview. 

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  18. Wow. There are a lot of paths meandering through your post. Allow me the liberty to travel down one of them, the pros and con spreadsheet you are looking for; hopefully there are no tolls. The Greeks somewhere said, “know thyself” then along came Socrates and declared that “All I know is that I know nothing.” Well, isn’t that helpful (snark intended). Paradoxal they may seem, but they are the path to wisdom and wisdom begins with introspection. Introspection is the way to truth and understanding. Right now, you are trying to understand yourself, if I’m reading you correctly, finding that it is exceptionally painful. Everyone, or at least me, find introspection very difficult because I remember my mistakes with the clarity of a digital recording and never seem to recall anything that I did well or with generosity, or least anything that was worthy of saving into the organic hard drive. The exercise is important though. It brings humility and wisdom. Going back to Socrates when he chose life over death, he uttered the famous axiom “The unexamined life is not worth living” He chose death because life was exile and exile was living without his pursuit of wisdom. A life, he felt, that was worse than death. Introspection, as you have done, is hard but it shows the path forward and it also supplies the spreadsheet for your pros and cons. Fortunately, the spreadsheet only applies to you. The rest of the world doesn’t matter, and that notion isn’t a recipe for unrestrained selfishness but a prescription for humility. Whether you lean towards the Eastern concept of karma inherent in Hinduism/Buddhism or the Western Golden Rule and Christianity the results are the same. Wu wei, as you mentioned in a reply is not far from these concepts. It is not how the world treats you that you are judged by but how you treat the world: and more importantly, yourself. If I’m way off base here I apologize. Regardless, be happy. Cheers.

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