Obsessing over whether people in my life are toxic or positive becomes tiresome and exhausting. The whole point of that is to make myself happier. If I focus on making myself happier, then I won’t worry about whether people perceive me as an asshole (the trap of staking my happiness on others’ uncontrollable perceptions), or whether they’re secretly draining me. I’ll pull away from them without conscious effort, and if they happen to move into a healthier state, we’ll reconnect.
From my personal experience with these situations, I believe we’ll naturally part ways–I’ll be too preoccupied with moving onward and upward to give them much thought, and they’ll be too busy making themselves unhappy and paranoid. Without common ground, we’ll quickly become disinterested in each other.
I wouldn’t have believed it worked the way when I was younger, but time and reflection have changed my mind.
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Dirty Sci-Fi Buddha 
Walking away slowly but surely is a good for both parties and more dignified.
I was fortunate on one occasion as the other person became very self-absorbed allowing me to gracefully slip into the shadows and exit (stage-left)
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When it comes to figuring out if someone is toxic…I go with my gut. My first visceral reaction to someone is typically accurate but I always leave room to be proven wrong…I’m rarely proven wrong lol
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This is totally relatable especially last year at the start of the series of lockdowns, the fact that we don’t get to see each other in person more should’ve been a relief but the way we see each other MORE online could get a bit stressful especially the nosy relatives. Sometimes, I just totally ignore people altogether to take care of my mental and emotional health.
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thanks for talking about your feelings like this. it’s refreshing to hear emotional honesty and self-care talk from a man. good luck
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Very wise words. It’s beneficial to focus on the self. When the inner state is satisfied, the outer world begins looking better. 🙂
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All of those are relative stances, the old one ‘man’s meat is another’s poison’. But since our own desires and needs are all we can control or navigate that’s how it has to be. Deciding whether someone else is a nurturer or a vibe vampire in our own particlular orbit is too much time spent on labeling.
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Definitely! ☺️
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