What the stripper-fail is happening, all my fellow big-wienered peers who’ve gotten a little too enthused and tried to spiral upside down on the pole while holding it tightly with your inner thighs but in the process you mash your dick-n-balls right up against the sticky metal, creating a giant red burn right down the middle of your beleaguered shaft and scrote as you hold on for dear fucking life, cheeks trembling, tears dripping as you realize this is the exact opposite of sexy and you silently beg for an end to the godawful pai—

Man alive!  Stick to the hip-thrusts and new-fangled butt-jiggles!  Ain’t no room on a stripper pole for us big-wienered folk!  Jesus Christ!

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my books and my podcast!  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  If you simply want to hear me run my suckhole about all things upon the Earth and possibly within my pants, then check out my podcast Strained Brains!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!

🙂 🙂 😀