I’ve sabotaged myself for much of my life. Instead of taking action/doing the right thing I’ve often justified it by feeling guilt, or with phrases like “At least I’m not as bad as him/her,” or by prioritizing irrelevant things, or by making a joke of my laziness. All so I can ignore what I’m supposed to be doing.
As I grow older, I’m dedicated to hunting that internal saboteur. To giving him no quarter, stripping him of all power, so that I can let myself be whatever I’m supposed to be.
Dirty Sci-Fi Buddha 
Growth and maturity are wonderful things and it sounds as though you are on the right track.
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I call mine the Little Man in my head. My wife hates him. She has threatened that if I listen to him she will punch me in the balls. I believe her.
She would do it. So I try not to let him win.
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Not being punched in the nuts is one of the greatest motivations available to man. In a way you’re lucky, hahaha!
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This is me. The first part anyway. I’m already “older” (at least I think I am) and I haven’t yet figured out how to crush the screaming monster in my head. Wish me luck.
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Good luck!!!
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