Tag: yay!

Get yer copy of Echo!

DirtySciFiBuddha14 Comments

What the snot bubble is happening, all you sane-minded folk who look at your friend’s toddler’s slowly-enlarging booger-sphere, trying to hide the uncontrollable twitch of disgust beneath your narrowed eyes?   This is just an afternoon reminder to grab yerselves a copy of Echo and download the 2 Logical Idiots Podcast!  (And to leave a positive review for them as well!  🙂 )  Not to worry bros and brahs: neither Echo nor my podcast are about that horrifically horrifying mucosal globule that crawls its way out of your friend’s spawn’s nostrils!  Negative, Ghost Rider!  Echo’s all about cybernetically enhanced pew freakin’ pew, robo-beast faces, and beautiful future wizards!  Also, if you’ve read my books or heard my podcast, please remember to leave a positive review for them on Amazon and iTunes.  Amazon reviews only takes a minute of your time, and you don’t need to have made a “verified purchase” in order to make them; you only need an Amazon account (in case you read my stuff through Kindle Unlimited or other means).  To give you an idea of how non-snotterifically amaze-faced positive Amazon/iTunes reviews are to us indie authors, imagine this:  your favorite porn stars are lounging by the pool, voicing unnecessary moans and moving like some kind of languorous, 1980s-style seducers, all snake-like and shit, while sexy saxophone music whispers softly in the background.  They beckon you over with the curl of their fingers, and then—

—OHMYGODWHATTHEBALLSACK—

—Rush Limbaugh and Gary Busey jump out of the bushes, flipping open badges that read:  “Grossest Men Alive.”  They charge toward you and envelop you in mountains of crusted chest hair, licking you with their gross, cigar-n-coffee stained tongues.  Their sausage-like fingers wrap tight around your body, pawing at you as if they were both Gollum in full-on Ring Withdrawal.  You’re about to reach in your undies and pull the pin on the suicide grenade labeled:  “USE ONLY WHEN AMBUSHED BY RUSH AND GARY,” when your beautiful spouse-to-be porn stars leaps to their feet and suffocates your attackers with a set of prehensile nether parts.  As Gary and Rush drop to their knees, gagging and choking, your porn star saviors snaps both their necks with a savage snarl.  YES—THAT’S WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT!  See, that rush of pure joy you’d feel at having been saved by a superpowered peen or vajeen is EXACTLY what we indie authors/podcasters feel when we get a positive review on Amazon or iTunes!  So do your favorite indie author/podcaster (and perennial Man Child) Kent Wayne a money-shot favor and leave him a positive review on the ’Zons or the ’Tunes!  Thank you all and have a Good and Chill Night!!!  🙂 🙂 😀

Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition I’ve started a podcast:  Logical Idiots!  If you want to check it out on YouTube, see it here:  Logical Idiots on YouTube and help two complete morons out by subscribing, liking, and commenting!  Here’s the iTunes page:  Logical Idiots on iTunes.  Also, my buddy Jumar Balacy has made a supercool microsite at kentwaynebrain.com!  Go check out his computer-based wizardry  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜

 

#kindle #kindleunlimited #sciencefiction #scifi #books #novel #book #podcast

Echo: A Dystopian Science Fiction Novel

DirtySciFiBuddha6 Comments

Here we go here we go!  I’m at the gym, loading up the barbell, getting ready to knock out some squats to activate those oh-so-grabbable ham hocks that ladies love to squeeze.  Unbeknownst to most folks who see me jacking steel, my iPhone is filled with songs that—to put it as charitably as possible—aren’t what you’d call “manly man” music.  Scroll through my playlist and you’ll shake your head in disgust; there’s a bunch of stuff from Taylor Swift, 1980s Madonna, and a smattering of Donna Lewis.  No one would know it from my let’s-get-it-on Game Face, but my musical choices could double as those of a 1990s-era school girl’s.

“HHHRRHH!”  I power through a heavy-ass rep, earning some raised eyebrows and approving nods from the attendant Gym Bros.  “RAAAH!”  One more.  “MMMMRRRR!!!”  Another.

And then a little spider descends from the ceiling, lowering slowly on a strand of silk.  As it inches past my face, I break into wild, panicked squeals.

“EEEEE!!!  EEEEE!!!”  I rush forward, rack the bar, then slap wildly at my cheeks, trying to make sure that the little fucker hasn’t—

And then I see it:  my headphones have tumbled out from my ears.  They’re blasting the Bangles’ “Eternal Flame” for all the gym to hear.

Oh NO!

“Hey!” one of the Bros yells, “this motherfucker is inflicting cognitive dissonance on us through the mind-bending dichotomy of his yoked out body and his pussy-ass music!  Let’s beat him six ways from the Sunday!”

I scramble to my feet and start throwing haymakers.  The first two stumble back, clutching their jaws, but there’s too damn many of them.  A horde of backwards-turned baseball caps and frost-tipped haircuts surge toward me, threatening to drown my ass in an unrelenting tide of faux-masculinity.

So I open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

The overhead lights burst into spectacular fountains of sparking geysers, then everything goes dark.  As the Bros scream in panic, yelling stuff like, “HE’S JUST ONE MAN—FIND HIM!” something grabs me around the waist and hustles me out the door.  The next thing I know, I’m being bent over like some 1940s WWII dame, one who’s being aggressively kissed by a super horny, just-returned doughboy from overseas.  A second later, another pair of lips replaces the one I was just smooching.  Out of the corner of my eyes, I see the Bros flood out from the gym, their mouths agape with horror.

“Mom?” one of them whispers.

The Bros’ moms continue passing me around, using my face like a cheap piece of meat.  After the fourth or fifth lip-lock, one of them slings me over her shoulder like a sack of potatoes and starts marching off.

“We got big plans for this Man Whore!  Eating butts, cradling nuts…nothing’s off limits!”

The Bros drop to their knees, tears streaming from their anguished faces.

“MOM—NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!”  The cry resounds from each and every one of them, filling my soul with sweet, unadulterated joy.

Even though I’m draped over a Soccer Mom shoulder, I manage to give them the double middle finger as I break into a mad series of cackles.  MOO HOO HA HA!

😀

 

Have you committed a lifting faux pas and offended a bevy of roided-out Bros with your dubious taste in music?  Don’t get revenge—make love to their moms!  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition I’ve started a podcast:  Logical Idiots!  If you want to check it out on YouTube, see it here:  Logical Idiots on YouTube and help two complete morons out by subscribing, liking, and commenting!  Here’s the iTunes page:  Logical Idiots on iTunes.  Also, my buddy Jumar Balacy has made a supercool microsite at kentwaynebrain.com!  Go check out his computer-based wizardry  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜

 

#kindle #kindleunlimited #sciencefiction #scifi #books #novel #book

Thank You Recent Echo Readers!!!

DirtySciFiBuddhaLeave a comment

Sker’DOOBTOOB!  Big Thank You goes out to those kind folks reading Echo on Kindle Unlimited yesterday!  Thank You So Much!!!  🙂 🙂 😀

Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition I’ve started a podcast:  Logical Idiots!  If you want to check out the trailer, see it here:  Logical Idiots Trailer and help two complete morons out by subscribing, liking, and commenting!  Here’s the iTunes page:  Logical Idiots on iTunes.  Also, my buddy Jumar Balacy has made a supercool microsite at kentwaynebrain.com!  Go check out his computer-based wizardry  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜

 

#kindle #kindleunlimited #sciencefiction #scifi #books #novel #book

Get yer copy of Echo!

DirtySciFiBuddhaLeave a comment

What the ca-caw is happening, all my fellow folken who have stared blankly at a crazy ex who’s throwing a hissy fit, oblivious to the fact that you’re mentally superimposing a giant bird’s face on theirs, a face that screeches and rawks, and erupts with nonsensical utterances like “ca-CAW!  Ca-CAW!”  This is just an afternoon reminder to grab yerselves a copy of Echo and download the 2 Logical Idiots Podcast!  (And to leave a positive review for them as well!  🙂 )  Just to allay your fears: neither Echo nor my podcast detail that horrid, there-are-mandibled-creatures-digging-into-my-brain sensation we all feel when our soured love interests barrage us with asinine requests that hurt our will to live—no way dude!  Echo’s all about cyborg super-soldiers, dark socioeconomic commentary, robo-beast monsters, and beautiful future wizards!  Also, if you’ve read my books or heard my podcast, please remember to leave a positive review for them on Amazon and iTunes.  Amazon reviews only take a minute of your time, and you don’t need to have made a “verified purchase” in order to make them; you only need an Amazon account (in case you read my stuff through Kindle Unlimited or other means).  To give you an idea of how soothing positive Amazon reviews are to us indie authors’ gray matter, imagine this:  you’re watching the news, frozen in horror as a reporter details how the Large Hadron Collider has opened a portal into another dimension containing hostile Insectoids.  A gleaming rip bisects the air a few yards away from you, and you realize that your goddamn living room is about to be ground zero for an extradimensional invasion.  Shitball sandwiches—no time to waste!  You try to keep your hands from shaking as you rip open package after package of Silva Spicy sausages and galumph ’em down your throat, eyes bugging out like a fortunate dog who’s just stumbled upon a ten pound container of cat-poop-flavored Frosty Paws.  You chase the sausages with three gallons of ghost-pepper laced coffee, yank down your pants as you run up to your portal, affix your behind into its glowing aperture, then—

PHHHHHHHHBBBBBBBBBBBBBTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!

—destroy an entire population of hostile invaders through the use of your Death Star-esque GI tract!  YES!  See, that rush of relief, pride, and just-expressed-my-own-brand ecstasy you’d feel at weaponizing your butthole is EXACTLY what we indie author/podcasters feel when we get a positive review on Amazon or iTunes!  So do your favorite indie author/podcaster (and perennial Man Child) Kent Wayne a Filthy Macguyver favor and leave him a positive review on the ’Zons AND the ’Tunes!  Thank you all and have a Good and Chill Night!!!  🙂 🙂 😀

Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition I’ve started a podcast:  Logical Idiots!  If you want to check out the trailer, see it here:  Logical Idiots Trailer and help two complete morons out by subscribing, liking, and commenting!  Here’s the iTunes page:  Logical Idiots on iTunes.  Also, my buddy Jumar Balacy has made a supercool microsite at kentwaynebrain.com!  Go check out his computer-based wizardry  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜

 

#kindle #kindleunlimited #sciencefiction #scifi #books #novel #book

Man Child Monday

DirtySciFiBuddha15 Comments

And thus spake the Man Child, who decreed that he would bow to the soccer moms’ demands by showering more than once a week (he tried to get out of using soap but they beat him with sticks until he conceded), and discontinuing his filthy habit of snacking on dog biscuits.  A golden era was ushered in, where much love was made to faces and butts, and where the name “Kent Wayne” was no longer synonymous with the term “filthy bastard.”

…I know:  I should be writing.  Photo taken by friend and Cool Guy Jumar Balacy.

#IShouldBeWriting #ManChildMondays #AlwaysProcrasturbating #LifeLongReprobate

Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition I’ve started a podcast:  Logical Idiots!  If you want to check out the trailer, see it here:  Logical Idiots Trailer and help two complete morons out by subscribing, liking, and commenting!  Here’s the iTunes page:  Logical Idiots on iTunes.  Also, my buddy Jumar Balacy has made a supercool microsite at kentwaynebrain.com!  Go check out his computer-based wizardry  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, upcoming podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜

 

#kindle #kindleunlimited #sciencefiction #scifi #books #novel #book

Echo 1 gets four stars on Amazon!

DirtySciFiBuddhaLeave a comment

Big Thank You goes out to Lorenzo Dozier, who threw Echo 1 four stars on Amazon!  Positive reviews are leprechaun gold to us indie authors, so Thanks Again Lorenzo!!  🙂 🙂 😀

Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition I’ve starting a podcast:  Logical Idiots!  If you want to check out the trailer, see it here:  Logical Idiots Trailer and help two complete morons out by subscribing, liking, and commenting!  Here’s the iTunes page:  Logical Idiots on iTunes.  Also, my buddy Jumar Balacy has made a supercool microsite at kentwaynebrain.com!  Go check out his computer-based wizardry  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, upcoming podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜

 

#kindle #kindleunlimited #sciencefiction #scifi #books #novel #book

2 Logical Idiots Podcast gets its first 5-star on iTunes!

DirtySciFiBuddhaLeave a comment

Big Thank You goes out to “wurby,” who posted a five-star rating for 2 Logical Idiots Podcast on iTunes!  Thanks for the generous rating, and thanks for being our first!  You’ve got Dicky Lefevre and I blushing like brides on a wedding night!  🙂 🙂 😀

Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition I’ve starting a podcast:  Logical Idiots!  If you want to check out the trailer, see it here:  Logical Idiots Trailer and help two complete morons out by subscribing, liking, and commenting!  Here’s the iTunes page:  Logical Idiots on iTunes.  Also, my buddy Jumar Balacy has made a supercool microsite at kentwaynebrain.com!  Go check out his computer-based wizardry  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, upcoming podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜

 

#kindle #kindleunlimited #sciencefiction #scifi #books #novel #book

The Weekly Update: Echo, Kor’Thank, and the Logical Idiots Podcast

DirtySciFiBuddhaLeave a comment

Kor’Thank word count:  21,776 (temporarily stopped drafting due to school obligations, as well as the desire to finish editing Echo 4 and publish it)  Echo Vol.4, word count:  173,284.  Chapter 52, seventh pass.

Thanks to All Who Bought Echo!  And BIG THANKS to those who posted positive reviews on Amazon or Goodreads!!!

News:  Echo 4 is chugging along.  As you can see, I almost completed an entire pass in one week due to my brief reprieve from school.  I only ended up cutting around 400 something words on my sixth pass, which means that my cuts are now getting down to the meat of the stuff, and that I’m really focusing on the seasoning rather than trimming the fat.  I’ve identified pacing that’s weaker than I’d like from around chapter 36 to 45, and I’ve got my editing lasers set on it, ready to burn out the Boring.

Just finished shooting/recording Logical Idiots pod/videocast Episode 3 with Dicky Lefevre, which I’m gonna split into two parts and release in a couple weeks’ time.  I’m gonna start school again this week and I’ve also been summoned for jury duty on 6/11, further complicating my schedule.  Doesn’t matter—complications are great opportunities to practice the Art of Simplifying Stuff.

Alright, that’s it for now!  If you’re a writer/pod/videocaster, I wish you inspired drafting and insightful editing!

Echo: A Dystopian Science Fiction Novel

DirtySciFiBuddha2 Comments

FIFTEEN MINUTES AGO:

I bicycle madly past the tennis courts, dressed in nothing but booty shorts and a bow tie.  Tennis Moms are serving and returning 300 mile-per-hour weapons of mass destruction—little green spheres that bear the label “yonex,” “wilson,” or “penn.”

“Dogs are cuter than kids!” I yell, counting on my bike to carry me a safe distance away before they can zero in on me with their deadly fuzzy globules.  “Moo hoo ha ha!”  I pump my legs as fast as I can, delighting in the warm summer breeze as it rushes past my—

POK!

A tennis ball comes screaming through the air, briefly catching on fire before it cracks against my tailbone, causing everything to go numb below the waist.  I tumble off my bike into a nearby bush.  The Tennis Moms let loose with a series of blood-curdling war cries.

Oh NO!

 

NOW:

POK!  Five yards to my right, a giant geyser of dirt erupts into the air.

POK!  A sapling to my front breaks in half, ripped in twain by a Tennis Mom’s serve.

I’m limping away as fast as I can, but my protective cover is being chewed to pieces by a barrage of furry green orbs.  I only have minutes before I’ll be completely exposed to their withering racket fire.

“WE’RE COMING FOR YOU KENT!  OUR KIDS ARE GONNA USE YOUR LIVER FOR THEIR DIORAMA CENTERPIECE!”

Fuck!  I only wanted to do a little bike-by trolling, but apparently that’s not in the cards for your favorite Man Child Kent Wayne!  Who knew that Tennis Moms could be twice as vicious as those goddamn barbarians from “Bone Tomahawk???”

POK!  ShhooooOOOOOMMMMM!!!  One of their missiles misses me by mere inches; it possesses enough speed to superheat the air and cause my booty shorts to burst into flames.  My sentient penis wakes from its slumber and roars in pain.

“SCREEEE!!!”

“No Lysander!” I yell (don’t pretend like I’m the only one who names their junk).  “I’m trying to get us to safety—I promise!”

But it’s no use; Lysander thrashes and flails, trying to escape from the ripstop harness that keeps him wound around my thigh so he doesn’t flop by my ankle and mark my socks with pee-stains.  God DAMMIT!  No options left.  I can’t flee from Tennis Moms and simultaneously comfort Lysander while he’s freaking the fuck out.

So I open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

WHUPPAWHUPPAWHUPPAWHUPPA!  A gucci’d out Blackhawk crests the horizon.  My little buddy Bitefighter—10 lb. Terrier Extraordinaire, 83rd level Intellect, and first class snuggler—is seated at the door, manning a giant tennis ball gatling gun.  He starts blasting AC/DC’s classic “Shoot to Thrill” over the Blackhawk’s speakers.  At the same time, his tiny little lips peel back in a ferocious snarl as he squeezes the butterfly trigger on his gatling, blasting the Tennis Moms with a merciless storm of green fuzz.

“SHOOT TO THRILL, PLAY TO KILL…”

POK POK POK POK POK!

“TOO MANY WOMEN WITH TOO MANY PILLS…”

POK POK POK POK POK POK!

“SHOOT TO THRILL, PLAY TO KILL; I GOT MY GUN AT THE READY, GONNA FIRE AT WILL…”

POKKAPOKKAPOKKAPOKKAPOKKA!  POOKPOOKPOOKPOOK!

He throws a quick-don harness out from the chopper, and it snaps onto my torso through the judicious employment of actuated gas cartridges.  The next thing I know I’m rising through the air, flying away from the Tennis Moms, all of whom are fleeing from the unending barrage of Bitefighter’s tennis ball gatling gun.  As I clear the range of their cataclysmic forehands, they shake their fists at me, voicing a series of hateful shrieks.

“DAMN YOU KENT WAYNE!  DAAAAMMMMMMMNNN  YOOOOUUUUUUuuuuuuu…”

Music to my ears!  Ha HA!  😀

 

Have you accidentally pissed off a legion of Tennis Moms, those destroyers of men who can break apart armies with their margarita-fueled ferocity?  Never fear!  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition I’ve starting a podcast:  Logical Idiots!  If you want to check out the trailer, see it here:  Logical Idiots Trailer and help two complete morons out by subscribing, liking, and commenting!  Here’s the iTunes page:  Logical Idiots on iTunes.  Also, my buddy Jumar Balacy has made a supercool microsite at kentwaynebrain.com!  Go check out his computer-based wizardry  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, upcoming podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜

 

#kindle #kindleunlimited #sciencefiction #scifi #books #novel #book

Echo: A Dystopian Science Fiction Novel

DirtySciFiBuddhaLeave a comment

As the plastic sheeting rolls out of the humming laminator, I rub my hands together like a kid on Christmas Eve.  OhboyohboyohBOY!

I pull out the 3” x 2” card and hold it up to the light.  It’s decorated with a scatter of bat-symbols, ninja swords, and X-Wings.  Two words are emblazoned in its center:

MAN CARD.

Finally!  Now I have documented proof that Kent Wayne is good for something more than making dick jokes and ape noises!  Now I can put on those pants that say Big Boy on the back, the ones I ordered for my birthday last ye—

BAM!  The door to my studio slams open and a bunch of pasty-bodied, crazy-haired Social Justice Warriors flood into my room, clearing surfaces with wide sweeps of their arms, as well as upending my desk and sending papers and pens flying across the floor.  Their leader snatches my Man Card away and slaps me across the face.  Another one punches me in the nuts, and when I double over, a third gives me a devastatingly painful dual titty-twister.

“AHHH!!!” I gasp.  “WHAT THE—“

Their leader flicks a lighter open and holds my Man Card above it, causing the plastic and paper to melt together into a gooey mess.  He winds back and chucks a thick tome—it’s gotta be at least a thousand pages long—directly at my face.  It bounces off my forehead.  For a brief moment, my vision fills with stars.

“No Man Cards allowed,” he declares.  He nods at the book he’s just brained me with.  “If you memorize all the pronouns in that book, score at least an 80% on a written test, then you can earn yourself a Ze/Zir card.”

“What the FUCK, man???” I sputter.  “My IQ is in the single digits!  How the hell do you expect me to memorize all those—”

He snaps his fingers and two of his minions race up to my side, each one clutching a squalling infant.  They hold the babies’ mouths up to my nipples.  The tykes immediately start suckling my nerps.

“AHHH!” I scream.  “WHAT’RE YOU—”

“This is the alternative.”  The leader grins.

“Men can’t even lactate!” I protest.

“There’s no such thing as a man, and even if there was, science has proven they’re able to lactate under extreme circumstances.”

“As well as a woman, though???  Even if I can do this, what quality milk am I gonna—”

The leader gives a firm shake of his head.  “No such thing as a woman, either.  We’re gonna prove it—your titties are gonna be suckled until they each produce a gallon of milk a day, Kent Wayne.  We have all the time in the world.  You’re going nowhere—you hear me, Kent?  Where you going, huh?  You going NOWHERE!”  The leader breaks out in raucous laughter, and his minions join in.

Fuck this!  I spot my eReader lying a few feet to my left.  I scramble toward it and open it to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

My dong springs to life, unsnapping from the elaborate harness that attaches to my torso and thighs, the one that restrains the dozens of yards of penile flesh that typically wrap around my body.  It whips through the air with the speed of a Sam Raimi-directed monster erupting from its crypt, sla-sla-slap-slap-papping my enemies’ heads in less than a second. 

For a frozen instant they pause in place, gazing blankly at nothing…then they collapse, mushroom-stamps clearly showing on the center of their foreheads.

Whew—that was a close one!  Time for me to make myself another Man Card—my Big Boy pants await!  😀

 

Are you a sensible-minded person that’s totally fine with letting people to do whatever the F they want as long as they’re not ordering you to change your thoughts and behaviors to fit their ideology?  Never fear!  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition I’ve starting a podcast:  Logical Idiots!  If you want to check out the trailer, see it here:  Logical Idiots Trailer and help two complete morons out by subscribing, liking, and commenting!  Here’s the iTunes page:  Logical Idiots on iTunes.  Also, my buddy Jumar Balacy has made a supercool microsite at kentwaynebrain.com!  Go check out his computer-based wizardry  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, upcoming podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜

 

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