“My name…” I adjust the horned helmet atop my head, staring grimly into the speckled mirror.  “is SKOR’GOTH.”

Raucous laughter erupts from behind me, and a bunch of giant ten-year-olds bust out from the bathroom stalls.

“You ain’t no SKOR’GOTH!” Garret McIvers yells.  “Your name is Kent Wayne, and you’re seven years old!”

I turn around, my tiny fists clenched and trembling.  “I’m gonna work out every day and turn into a sexy Man Whore!  Then I’m gonna charm the panties off your mom and deluge her in wave after wave of my holy sperm!  Skor’Goth SWEARS THIS!”

“Yeah, well until then, you better get used to the taste of poop.”  Garret walks toward me with an evil grin, his minions following behind.  “Because you’re about to get a head-first swirly, Wayne…EXTRA CHUNKY.”  He turns around and yells, “Hey Tanner—you drop a deuce yet?”

“Yeah!” a voice yells back from one of the stalls.  “Thing looks like a coiled cobra on steroids and growth hormone!”

“Hear that Wayne?”  Garret turns back to me.  “A coiled cobra on steroids and growth hormone.”  He inspects his nails like a cut-rate Bond villain.  “Seeing as I’m ten years old, I typically wouldn’t mess up a poop that beautiful and sculpted, but you’ve pissed me off one too many times; the idea of your face being immersed in a bowl full of poopy water makes my wee-wee hard.”  He looms over me, his giant, ten-year-old frame blocking out the light.  “Prepare to meet the cobra, Wayne.”

“No!  NO!”  Only one option left—I reach into my pocket and open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

Suddenly I’m in my mid-thirties, all hulked out from years of lifting and careful eating.  I stare down at my calloused hands in amazement, then pull up my shirt and goggle at my six-pack.

Garrett takes a step back, his eyes widening in shock.  “What…wha…”

Two hot AF soccer moms bust in the door and rush up to my side.  One of them yells, “Quick!  Check for a pulse!”

The other grabs hold of my thick, upcurved peen and shoots the first one a nod.  “He’s still alive!  And hung like a beer can!”

“Mom?” Garrett whispers.

The first one slings me over her shoulder and shouts, “Let’s use this Man Whore like cheap cupcake mix!” 

As she bounds down the hall, the other one slappa-slaps my butt, making seventies porn music with her mouth.

Garret’s anguished scream slices through the air:  “MOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMM!!!!”

Music to my ears.  😀

Are you seven years old, and desperately need to put your ten-year-old tormentors in their motherfucking place?  (pun intended 😉 ) Never fear!  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Also, my buddy Jumar Balacy has made a supercool microsite at kentwaynebrain.com!  Go check out his computer-based wizardry  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜

What the scary baby is happening, all my fellow peoples who’ve been surprised by their friend’s disgusting-ass newborn and suppressed a violent “OH SWEET JESUS GET THAT THING AWAY FROM ME!” while other baby-ensorcelled folks cooed and burbled, utterly hypnotized by that smelly little flesh-form that’s 99.9999% likely to grow into an unremarkable and unlikable adult?  (Just get a puppy.  Admit it—they’re cuter!)  This is just an afternoon reminder to grab yerselves a copy of Echo!  (And to leave a positive review for it as well!  🙂 )  No worries: Echo isn’t about mewling little tyrants that we as a species feel compelled to eject from millions of vajeens all the world over; no way, Broskyevsky!  Echo’s all about cyborg shoot-em-up, hairy-faced rowr-things, and dope-ass future wizards!  Also, if you’ve read any of my books, please remember to leave a positive review for them on Amazon.  Amazon reviews only takes a minute of your time, and you don’t need to have made a “verified purchase” in order to make them; you only need an Amazon account (in case you read my stuff through Kindle Unlimited or other means).  To give you an idea of how diaper-free amazing positive Amazon reviews are to us indie authors, imagine this:  you’re in the aforementioned scenario at a neighborhood BBQ, where one of your traitorous neighbors scares you with their wrinkly-faced infant.  You gasp out an oath that repels demons, and simultaneously make the sign of the Evil Eye.  The other neighbors huddle close, casting plastic cups and half-eaten hot dogs at your face, chanting:  “BOW TO THE BABY!  BOW TO THE BABY!”  Then they throw their little suburbia spawn at you.  In a matter of seconds you’re enveloped in a mass of biting, chewing tykes.  But wait!  Gandalf the Gray materializes in a puff of mist, strikes the earth with the tip of his staff, and screams, “GO BACK TO THE SHADOW!!!”  The vampiric infants drop from your body, instantly aging forty years into the dad-bodded former bros that they’re destined to become.  You start whupping their asses, because everyone knows that former bros are way easier to beat than a bunch of adderall-crazed tykes.  YES!  See, that rush of Get the Fuck Off My Lawn you’d feel as you were laying waste to a bunch of office-cowed eunuchs is EXACTLY what we indie authors feel when we get a positive review on Amazon!  So do your favorite indie author (and perennial Man Child) Kent Wayne an awesome-blossomed favor and leave him a positive review on the ’Zons!  Thank You All and have a Good and Chill Night!!!  🙂 🙂 😀

Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Also, my buddy Jumar Balacy has made a supercool microsite at kentwaynebrain.com!  Go check out his computer-based wizardry  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜

“Cult Leader Wayne!  Cult Leader Wayne!  Wake up!”  Adept Zorostros shakes me by the shoulders.

“Huh?  Whazzat?”  I tumble off my beanbag and blink sleepily, adjusting the dino-headed tiara that lies atop my head.  “

“The compound’s been invaded!  The forces of Adulting have breached the perimeter and HYAGHLKAKKKK!!!”  Zorostros clutches his throat as he’s levitated up into the air by the Dark Arts.  A second later his body shrivels and withers, transforming into a nutless Office Gollum who skitters about on all fours.  Standing behind him is one of Adulting Academy’s Shadowlock Mages, clutching the air with his purple-lit fingers.  The mage draws a giant bludgeon from his belt and begins beating Zorostros.

“THAT’S.  WHAT.  YOU.  GET!”  The Office Gollum squeals and hisses as its shoulders and head are rocked by blows.  “FOR AVOIDING!  YOUR OFFICE!  DUTIES!”  The last hit from the bludgeon renders Office Gollum senseless; he collapses to the floor, his eyes rolled back up into his skull.  The mage flicks a disgusted hand at his writhing body.  “Away with this bitch-meat.  Chain him to a lightless cubicle, and ensure that he eats nothing but soy, along with a helping of grilled feces for every meal.  Let nary a single kettlebell or ounce of steak within a 500 yard radius of this corporate whorebag—no manliness allowed!” 

The mage’s minions drag away my unconscious adept.

The mage turns to me, grinning like Evil Joker with a full-on murder-boner.  “You’re next Wayne.  Tell me—how do you like your genitals?  Pale and lifeless like a depressed bean sprout?  Or furtive and scared like a traumatized pimple?”  His eyes and hands light up with evil-ass magic.  “What’s it gonna be, Kent?”

No options left.  I open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

“NEITHER!” I scream, running up to a bat-symboled squat rack as it materializes in front of me.  I squirt under the bar, yank off my quick-doff pants and undies, and rip my shirt apart like a buck-nuts crazy Clark Kent, right before he’s about to open a can of Fuck You from Krypton.  I start knocking out deep, heavy, ass-to-calf squats, roaring like the redonculous half-ape that I am.

“RUAAAAAHHHH!!!!”

My wiener thickens and hardens, and I perform the lifter’s equivalent of a 360 degree, spin-twist tomahawk dunk:  I take my hands off the bar, balancing it with my flexed traps, and start jerking my hog with all ten fingers.

“WITNESS THE GLORY OF TESTOSTERONE!  RUAAAAHHH!!!”

The Adulting mage shields his eyes with his forearm, screaming like a fresh piglet that was given to an inbred hillbilly for his fifteenth birthday.  “NO!  NOOOOOOO!!!!!!”

Then he twirls his robes and disappears in a flutter of bats.  I continue squatting, growing thick sheaths of hair on my face and shoulders.  HRRNH!  HRRNH!  HRRNH!

’cos you don’t fuck with guys that have hair on their shoulders—RUAAAAHHHH!!!!  😉

Is some office-spawned piece of crap trying to destroy your happy-fun-time cult with their odious Adulting ways?  Never fear!  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Also, my buddy Jumar Balacy has made a supercool microsite at kentwaynebrain.com!  Go check out his computer-based wizardry  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜