“Cult Leader Wayne! Cult Leader Wayne! Wake up!” Adept Zorostros shakes me by the shoulders.
“Huh? Whazzat?” I tumble off my beanbag and blink sleepily, adjusting the dino-headed tiara that lies atop my head. “
“The compound’s been invaded! The forces of Adulting have breached the perimeter and HYAGHLKAKKKK!!!” Zorostros clutches his throat as he’s levitated up into the air by the Dark Arts. A second later his body shrivels and withers, transforming into a nutless Office Gollum who skitters about on all fours. Standing behind him is one of Adulting Academy’s Shadowlock Mages, clutching the air with his purple-lit fingers. The mage draws a giant bludgeon from his belt and begins beating Zorostros.
“THAT’S. WHAT. YOU. GET!” The Office Gollum squeals and hisses as its shoulders and head are rocked by blows. “FOR AVOIDING! YOUR OFFICE! DUTIES!” The last hit from the bludgeon renders Office Gollum senseless; he collapses to the floor, his eyes rolled back up into his skull. The mage flicks a disgusted hand at his writhing body. “Away with this bitch-meat. Chain him to a lightless cubicle, and ensure that he eats nothing but soy, along with a helping of grilled feces for every meal. Let nary a single kettlebell or ounce of steak within a 500 yard radius of this corporate whorebag—no manliness allowed!”
The mage’s minions drag away my unconscious adept.
The mage turns to me, grinning like Evil Joker with a full-on murder-boner. “You’re next Wayne. Tell me—how do you like your genitals? Pale and lifeless like a depressed bean sprout? Or furtive and scared like a traumatized pimple?” His eyes and hands light up with evil-ass magic. “What’s it gonna be, Kent?”
No options left. I open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
“NEITHER!” I scream, running up to a bat-symboled squat rack as it materializes in front of me. I squirt under the bar, yank off my quick-doff pants and undies, and rip my shirt apart like a buck-nuts crazy Clark Kent, right before he’s about to open a can of Fuck You from Krypton. I start knocking out deep, heavy, ass-to-calf squats, roaring like the redonculous half-ape that I am.
My wiener thickens and hardens, and I perform the lifter’s equivalent of a 360 degree, spin-twist tomahawk dunk: I take my hands off the bar, balancing it with my flexed traps, and start jerking my hog with all ten fingers.
“WITNESS THE GLORY OF TESTOSTERONE! RUAAAAHHH!!!”
The Adulting mage shields his eyes with his forearm, screaming like a fresh piglet that was given to an inbred hillbilly for his fifteenth birthday. “NO! NOOOOOOO!!!!!!”
Then he twirls his robes and disappears in a flutter of bats. I continue squatting, growing thick sheaths of hair on my face and shoulders. HRRNH! HRRNH! HRRNH!
’cos you don’t fuck with guys that have hair on their shoulders—RUAAAAHHHH!!!! 😉
Is some office-spawned piece of crap trying to destroy your happy-fun-time cult with their odious Adulting ways? Never fear! Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Also, my buddy Jumar Balacy has made a supercool microsite at kentwaynebrain.com! Go check out his computer-based wizardry 🙂 🙂 😀
Hold on! I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate! If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish. Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens! In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to! Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy! Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts! 😲💪 😜