“My name…” I adjust the horned helmet atop my head, staring grimly into the speckled mirror. “is SKOR’GOTH.”
Raucous laughter erupts from behind me, and a bunch of giant ten-year-olds bust out from the bathroom stalls.
“You ain’t no SKOR’GOTH!” Garret McIvers yells. “Your name is Kent Wayne, and you’re seven years old!”
I turn around, my tiny fists clenched and trembling. “I’m gonna work out every day and turn into a sexy Man Whore! Then I’m gonna charm the panties off your mom and deluge her in wave after wave of my holy sperm! Skor’Goth SWEARS THIS!”
“Yeah, well until then, you better get used to the taste of poop.” Garret walks toward me with an evil grin, his minions following behind. “Because you’re about to get a head-first swirly, Wayne…EXTRA CHUNKY.” He turns around and yells, “Hey Tanner—you drop a deuce yet?”
“Yeah!” a voice yells back from one of the stalls. “Thing looks like a coiled cobra on steroids and growth hormone!”
“Hear that Wayne?” Garret turns back to me. “A coiled cobra on steroids and growth hormone.” He inspects his nails like a cut-rate Bond villain. “Seeing as I’m ten years old, I typically wouldn’t mess up a poop that beautiful and sculpted, but you’ve pissed me off one too many times; the idea of your face being immersed in a bowl full of poopy water makes my wee-wee hard.” He looms over me, his giant, ten-year-old frame blocking out the light. “Prepare to meet the cobra, Wayne.”
“No! NO!” Only one option left—I reach into my pocket and open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
Suddenly I’m in my mid-thirties, all hulked out from years of lifting and careful eating. I stare down at my calloused hands in amazement, then pull up my shirt and goggle at my six-pack.
Garrett takes a step back, his eyes widening in shock. “What…wha…”
Two hot AF soccer moms bust in the door and rush up to my side. One of them yells, “Quick! Check for a pulse!”
The other grabs hold of my thick, upcurved peen and shoots the first one a nod. “He’s still alive! And hung like a beer can!”
“Mom?” Garrett whispers.
The first one slings me over her shoulder and shouts, “Let’s use this Man Whore like cheap cupcake mix!”
As she bounds down the hall, the other one slappa-slaps my butt, making seventies porn music with her mouth.
Garret’s anguished scream slices through the air: “MOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMM!!!!”
Music to my ears. 😀
Are you seven years old, and desperately need to put your ten-year-old tormentors in their motherfucking place? (pun intended 😉 ) Never fear! Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Also, my buddy Jumar Balacy has made a supercool microsite at kentwaynebrain.com! Go check out his computer-based wizardry 🙂 🙂 😀
Hold on! I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate! If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish. Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens! In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to! Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy! Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts! 😲💪 😜