I place a booted foot on the prow of my ship, my open-throated shirt flipping and flapping. Soccer moms cling to my legs and waist as I lean into the wind, narrowing my eyes at a legion of pirate ships dotting the waters.
“What will we DO, Kent Wayne? Please—I need some carnal relief!” One of my loyal soccer moms, Crystal Cherry Jade, paws at the thick d-print on the right thigh of my pantaloons.
“No time for that, Crystal Cherry Jade.” I brush her hand away from my groin, only to have it replaced by another.
“Captain Wayne—I need to see that mushroom head one last time before I die!” This from another soccer mom: Destiny Star Dallas.
“Quit it, Destiny Star Dallas! We’re not gonna die! (although I do find it flattering that women with stripper names are treating me like one).”
“PLEASE LET US SEE IT, YOU WOMB-TEASER!” Layla Roxy Chardonnay screams.
“Goddammit ladies—let go of me!” I run toward the center of the ship, stumbling and reeling as they rip off my pantaloons, and manage to slip into the captain’s quarters. I lock the door behind me and rest my back on it, breathing a sigh of relief as their manicured fists pound a drumbeat against its exterior.
Then I unlock the chest beneath my desk, and withdraw my most prized possession: my eReader.
I open the door and a bunch of horny soccer moms begin ripping at my clothes. I make it through the gauntlet of lusty ladies, Heisman-ing my eReader through their midst. By the time I make it to the prow, I’m wearing nothing but my Bat speedos.
I open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
The clouds begin gathering above the armada of pirates, and an unearthly roar rends the air. A wiry-haired, fleshy mass pokes through the clouds, writhing with bits of old pizza, undead shrimp, and half-alive lumps of congealed cheeto dust.
One of the pirates lets his spyglass fall from his eye, and points skyward. “It’s Steven Seagal’s neckbeard! ABANDON FUCKING SHIP!”
A horrid mess of old chinese food, hatched caviar, and steroid-laced protein powder begins drifting down from the evil neck-beard. The pirate ships’ sails burst into eldritch flames, and their crew either jumps into the water or staggers around on the deck, clawing at their melting faces. The soccer moms cling tighter to my body as I flex my sphincter, making my wiener jump and throb. They pile onto my chest, bringing me down to the deck with a chorus of enthusiastic, gaspy moans straight out of an eighties softcore movie.
And that’s how I saved my fleet of beautiful soccer moms from a bunch of horrible-ass pirates! 😀
Are you the captain of a ship, defending your gorgeous crew from a bunch of evil marauders? Never fear! Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Also, my buddy Jumar Balacy has made a supercool microsite at kentwaynebrain.com! Go check out his computer-based wizardry 🙂 🙂 😀
Hold on! I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate! If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish. Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens! In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to! Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy! Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts! 😲💪 😜