Musings

Musings

DirtySciFiBuddha69 Comments

As time passes, I’ve seen “bad” things become good, and “good” things become bad. My takeaway is that I needn’t rush to condemn or praise, that I can focus more on enjoying the moment instead of obsessing over the score. From what I’ve seen of fulfillment, it doesn’t seem to be wedded to a checklist approach where on-paper accomplishments are all that matter. For me, it seems to reside in the spaces between milestones, and the openness to improvise along the way.

That’s just me, though. I have nothing against folks who restrict their enjoyment to rare and fleeting slivers of time, where they’ve managed to cobble together a set of outward conditions.

69 thoughts on “Musings”

  4. This is lovely and really resonates with me. I have also arrived at the realization (fairly late in life) that gladness comes when I can let go of over-planning and when I stop thinking of happiness as some future nebulous state that will only occur when a set of near-impossible conditions have been met. I now try to humbly accept my lack of control over my world, embrace flexibility, and take joy in the seemingly unimportant moments.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  5. I came across this quote this week, which seems fitting…

    “You could enjoy this very moment all things you are praying to reach by taking the long way around – if you’d stop depriving yourself of them.” – Marcus Aurelius

    Liked by 3 people

    Reply

    • I’m guessing around this time next year. I actually finished drafting the main body a couple weeks ago, just finished drafting the afterwords, summations, and all the other nitnoy stuff a couple days ago. Got a lot of editing to do, and since I’m always pushing into something new as far as writing with each new book, I’m never able to just phone it in and rubberstamp the editing process. Something that isn’t helping is that I was watching That 90s Show a few days ago, then they played “Stay” by Lisa Loeb and she also had a cameo in it, and that sent me down a 90s music rabbit hole where I gloried in the delight of watching younger folks react to the stuff of my youth, lol! It’s near impossible to believe that people haven’t ever listened to mr. big be with you, the cranberries, or unchained melody by the righteous brothers (I know that isn’t 90s, but still). Anyways, I’m still chugging along with writing, but my bed time has been creeping later and later, I forgot how much I loved Euro dance pop! 🤣

      Liked by 2 people

      Reply

      • No worries, just curious. You have to honor the process that feels right for you…and it’s often an enjoyable trip to walk down musical memory lane, so cheers!

        Liked by 1 person

      • Hey just wanted to wish you well. I commented on your site, but I’m not sure if it got pushed to spam. In a nutshell, I wrote that I thought of you during Halloween, since you mentioned it’s a big marker of your success with your son, and I really enjoyed hearing about how happy you were with how things turned out in recent years. Hope this one was fun and positive!

        Like

      • Yep, I am guessing it went to spam, sorry about that!! I didn’t see it…at school now with Tony about to eat lunch, so I will look for it later. This year because I have cervical vertebrae compressing my spinal cord, I chose to sit this one out with him since I didn’t have a second grown up available to help spot for any possible trouble moments. I got whacked in the back in the gym several days ago and I had my left thumb and palm twitching for several minutes. Just didn’t want to take the risk of an unnecessary trip/slip etc until this gets repaired/addressed. My big positives are that he’s doing well learning how to ride the school bus, he’s at school all day, and starting to work more with other people here. I’m thinking next year we’ll be back to rocking Halloween for sure🧑‍🎤 Hope you are doing well and take good care of yourself 😊 Ari

        Get Outlook for Androidhttps://aka.ms/AAb9ysg

        Liked by 1 person

      • I hope your back recovers quickly! I’m not sure if you’re in the right headspace for this, but I found Joe Dispenza and RJ Spina to be pretty interesting. Both have anecdotal healing stories, Dispenza was more quality of life, Spina was straight-up chest down paralysis with zero recovery chance. Both use mental focus and meditation as their method of choice, Dispenza is more emphasis on conscious focus (figured that’s more your style), while Spina is more about surrender and meditative mindfulness. Dispenza has much more robust data with his students, including brain waves, bloodwork, and sample size, while Spina is more anecdotal. Dispenza sticks more to quantifiable stuff, while Spina goes deep into the metaphysical theory. Once again, they may or may not be your cup of tea.

        Like

      • Thanks for sharing 😊 I think it’s more complicated than a back injury. There’s Vitamin B6 toxicity, there’s tardive that seems to be lingering from a medication my PCP tried me on…my nervous system just seems to be pretty unhappy and a wee bit touchy right now. I can’t even do stretches with a towel under my neck without increasing twitches. This too shall pass, this too shall pass…

        Get Outlook for Androidhttps://aka.ms/AAb9ysg

        Liked by 1 person

      • Sounds like you’ve got your responses in place, good for you, way to be proactive! I know your wellness is re-entrenching as we speak. As always, I wish you the absolute best. 😊

        Like

      • Just a quick update, your comment got caught up in my nanny net, the one that insures someone who’s never commented before doesn’t automatically post. I do that because of my kiddos. I approved it but didn’t reply to it because we’ve already chatted here, and to be honest, my blog is a low tech affair and I don’t know that it would notify you of my reply anyways…take good care of yourself 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      • Hey Ariana, I listened to a pretty cool podcast which made me think of you–it’s called the Telepathy Tapes (pretty popular, it shot up to #1 and even briefly overtook Joe Rogan). It’s about nonspeaking children (and I think a few unreliable speakers), which I think are either mostly or all autistic (I’m not sure if there’s a difference between nonspeaking/unreliable speaking conditions and autism).

        They’re supposedly put through rigorous controls (covering up reflective surfaces, heavy blindfolds, etc.), and then asked to demonstrate telepathy. Supposedly, it’s around 95% reliability. The first girl, Mia, demonstrated 100% reliability with a random number generator set to 3 digit numbers, over 20 attempts. They also do pictures, page number in a book, sentence or word on that page, etc. etc. (I’m only on episode 3).

        Of course, many scientists have found reasons to disagree with the results or controls. Anyways, I figured I’d mention it to you just in case it piqued your interest. As always, I hope you are doing well and I wish you the absolute, very very best!

        Liked by 1 person

      • Hi Kent, how’s it going?

        Interestingly enough, I think there are some important things for me to cover here. First, thank you for wishing me the very best, I greatly appreciate it ❤ Second, I most cordially return the favor. Third, I think this is perhaps a complicated subject to engage in (and just when your subs thought they were save from an Ari-based rant of epic proportions, lol). That being said, it’s important for me to preface this by stating I’m not planning on listening to this podcast. I also want to make it clear that I believe certain gifts are out there, and clearly the US government does too or they wouldn’t have spent time and money on a remote viewing program. I also would never say Autistics can’t have those gifts, nor would I say a non-verbal Autistic couldn’t have them.

        In looking it up, a reddit caught my eye as I was scrolling through the first few Google results, and the moment any mention of facilitated communication caught my eye, it became something I wanted to vet a little deeper before I invested too much of my life energy listening to it. That might seem an incongruity from a woman who spent some of her surgery recovery days watching free episodes of “El Sultan” on YouTube- I was practicing my Spanish listening 😉 for the record, of course- however, if I know before I even start listening that there is a potential red flag I’m going to dig a little deeper so I can reserve that time for something I find enriches my life more than something that might leave me feeling like my time got scammed.

        I know, that sounds harsh right off the top and I am so, so sorry for that. Facilitated communication is very controversial within the credible portion of the therapy community at large (something that I mentioned a few years back in one of my book reviews on my blog, not that I would expect you or anybody else to remember that at this point) because studies don’t support the efficacy of it. So I did some additional Googling, which led me to an article by McGill’s Office for Science and Society titled “The Telepathy Tapes Prove We All Want to Believe.”

        For me, I think one of the points in there is very relevant: to truly establish a verifiable gift the parents or communication partners shouldn’t be shown the image etc, because the individuals should be able to read the journalist’s mind (or whoever, not just a parents). When it comes to facilitated communication, many problems have been shown, things where individuals are cued or even led to push certain letters, etc. Often it involves holding a person’s hand or finger and guiding them over a board, or moving the board…I think looking into that yourself may be a good idea because anything more than that brief-ish overview and nobody here will thank me.

        When you look at my son using his speech device to communicate, unless he’s learning something or I’m prompting him on some social nicety he doesn’t want to say, he’s doing it on his own without anybody else anywhere near him or his tablet. He’s spelling CVC words by himself in school. Someone can look at him and say he can communicate on his own to that degree for things he wants and that he has some skills there. That can’t really be established with facilitated communication, which is often used with individuals who haven’t necessarily demonstrated the ability to independently use something like PECS or augmented communication.

        I appreciate you thinking kindly of me and sharing your thoughts on the matter. Wishing you the most fabulous of days ahead 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      • Hey Ariana, no worries on not listening to the podcast. And, as always, I don’t mind a rant, lol!

        Yeah, I remember you said that you’ve had paranormal experiences, and to avoid abandoned mines. I’ve had some as well, and as part of my shift toward the belief that consciousness is the base of reality, I’ve also had to shift toward believing that everything from that perspective would then qualify as psychic, since everything is directly a result of a specific focus derived from consciousness. So psychic stuff that defies our current understanding of physics isn’t conceptually a big deal for me (we’ll see about experientially, though. The next time I encounter something paranormal, I may pee my pants, lol!).

        No need to apologize for sounding harsh about the subject. I understand the base philosophies underlying our current model of reality (the existence of randomness and how consciousness arises from matter and not the other way around) have given society a great deal of functionality and advancement, and it’s hard to argue against that!

        I’m not going to delve into facilitated communication, although I think the podcaster presented a case as to why it couldn’t have been a factor. I don’t know–I’d have to not only study the relevant factors, quantify them as dismissable or not in each test, then ultimately, I’d probably have to recreate the tests in front of me in order to be able to argue persuasively for validity from a personal standpoint. As I’ve said, though, I already believe everything is psychic from an existential standpoint, so I’m okay with believing in these specific instances.

        I wanted to run it by you in case you had any similar or relatable anecdotes you might feel inclined to share. Also, many of (if not all) of these kids speak of a psychic meeting place called, “The Hill,” which I thought sounded really cool. (I think I’m on episode 9 at this point.)

        Wishing you speedy recovery from the surgery, and much enjoyment from El Sultan! 😊

        Liked by 1 person

      • I have seen some facilitated communication in action and generally concur with many of the criticisms leveled at it. I think the influence and cuing of caregivers or communication partners certainly can happen, which then begs the question about who is the author. In general there are many hurdles to a non-verbal autistic that is level 3 being taken seriously as a communicator. People want to see for themselves that he or she can independently replicate certain things by themselves before allowing them any credibility as a communicator. I think for an intuitive parent/caregiver, one who might be so in sink with their kiddo that they can read minute details of facial expression and body language cues and understand on some level intuitively what their loved one is wanting, feeling, etc. maybe there may reliability that can be had despite those things. Kind of like the broken clock being correct twice daily. And yet, it becomes more difficult to get anyone else to accept that as genuine communication unless the person can replicate that with a communication partner who is doing no leading, no cuing, no subconscious eye movements, no filling in the blanks style of guessing. Usually if a person can touch a letter independently they can pick up a letter and hand it to you or arrange them in an order using cards if they have any motor capabilities whatsoever if evidence is required. Carly Fleischmann hunts and pecks on the keyboard, right? She’s not using facilitated communication. I’ve seen facilitated communication partners moving letter boards underneath the hands of their disabled loved ones or client in ways that directed a certain letter to be touched. That’s just my take for what it’s worth.

        I think I am not opposed to what individuals like Tegmark have proposed, as in consciousness being a state of matter. Shrugging. Often, I’m not as focused on weightier matters like that. My surgery recovery is overall going quite well. Right now I’m nursing a sick kiddo with strep, so… heading off. Take good care of yourself 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      • Good to know! Thanks for the in-depth reply. As always, I never mind a rant, lol!

        I’m pleased to hear your recovery is going well–you deserve ease and health! Also, best wishes for your kid and the strep! 😊

        Like

      • Hey Ariana, just wanted to reach out and wish you a Happy Halloween! I remember you were indisposed during the last one, but the one before that was a great one where you trick-or-treated with your son and had a blast! It always sticks with me because you spoke about it in such glowing terms.

        My mom passed away in May, and it’s only been a month or two since I’ve wound down all the admin stuff. It was what she wanted, she planned it all out so nothing got stuck in probate, and I had a handful of paranormal experiences surrounding the whole thing that felt like personal validation of my framework of reality. Overall, it was a great experience and I still feel her with me. Because of all that, the release of volume 3 of the Unbound Realm got a little delayed. Nevertheless, it’s been finished for a while now, and audience-ready for a couple of months (just got get that extra OCD out of my system and pick at it for another couple more months, I’ve given myself the cutoff of Christmas). Additionally, I’ve been working with a publisher to get the whole series out in paperback (the other two are already available in paperback), so that’s adding to the considerations. I’m thinking it will be out in the first few months of next year.

        Other than that, I’ve fallen deep, deep down the Kpop Demon Hunter rabbit hole. Songs, Korean food runs, binge-watching their interviews…but that’s neither here nor there. I just hope you’re doing great and that you have a great Halloween!

        Liked by 1 person

      • I am so sorry to hear about your mom! I remember you wrote of the ways you worked to support her, and it gave a sense of her importance to you and the connection you felt with her. I am sure that connection lives on and she still walks with you, albeit in a different energetic phase of existence. Truly you have my condolences 💜

        We are actually not Trick or Treating this year. I did love that year, and Tony did great! He doesn’t want to go this year and I am not insisting. I love costumes etc, he does not. We don’t need it therapeutically at this point (he’s attending assemblies at school so we are way past Halloween being necessary to build school tolerance skills), so if he’s not enjoying it there isn’t so much of a point. We may take him out on his new scooter after school…

        I do remember seeing the notices about the paperbacks, congratulations!! I will look forward to reading the new book when it comes out… though heads up, reviewing is dicey for me these days. I am keeping my commitments outside of the family very light right now as I continue to focus on my ongoing healing and recovery. It’s a year long recovery for this surgery, and I pushed harder than is recommended on some things fairly early on because I felt they were essential. So anything not essential is kind of not getting done right now. Truly wishing you fabulous success with that though either way 💜 Ari

        Get Outlook for Androidhttps://aka.ms/AAb9ysg

        Liked by 1 person

      • As always, no worries on the reviews. I’ll send you some good vibes for healing and recovery–I hope it goes well! On a parallel note, I found a guy named kneesovertoes guy who garnered a huge following because he used specific exercises to heal his shattered knees, and they’ve made a noticeable difference for me. It’s basically just practicalizing the idea of working opposing muscle groups with accessible exercises, then structuring them through progressive resistance. Nothing really innovative except the accessibility and tailored progression/regressions. Apparently, certain muscles “turn off” through lack of engagement (back of shoulder, inner quad or VMO, tibialis, lower back for flexing, upper back for straightening), and after a while, they undergo what’s called “fatty infiltration” where they basically turn vascular and healthy to inert and fatty. Kind of like filet mignon to wagyu, I guess. Once that happens, the underlying structures like discs, soft tissues, and cartilage start directly absorbing the damage. After turning things back on and making them filet mignon again, the damage can be partially or fully reversed, anecdotally at least. The shoudler has one extra component–dead hangs. Apparently, the arm weighs at least 10 lbs and it pulls down on this hook-like structure in the shoulder, narrowing it and causing it to rub and irritate all the soft tissues underneath the hook. Hanging supposedly pressures the hook back up into place with the humerus bone and opens it back up. I’ve only been doing it for a few weeks, but I noticed a tangible difference after a week and a half.

        Well, as long as you and your son are enjoying yourselves, that’s the important thing! I hope you can still get some of the costume cravings out through your eyeshadows!

        I’ll let you know what’s going on with my new book as things develop. I remember you said things had to tighten up and you had to forgo netflix, so once things are squared away and I can schedule a giveaway, I’ll definitely let you know. And once again, no worries on the reviews! I’m also fine if you don’t read it at all, or take a while to do it. I know you’re busy, and it sounds like the year has been taxing. Cheers!

        Liked by 1 person

      • Good vibes are always appreciated, so thank you 😄 I think I live in a little bit of a tricky space with my spinal chord injury. We know from the EMG that was done a few days before the surgery that I have nerve damage to the motor planning nerves from the spinal cord compression. My surgeon was clear I may always have some level of deficit/impairment and that they were looking to prevent deterioration to my ability to walk etc. I think I am still navigating what that looks like for me in terms of my long-term prognosis with that. Yesterday I got MRI results back same day on my right Achilles tendon (my birth defect side) and that tendon is pretty solidly ossified in certain areas. Because of the distorted shape of my calcaneus just walking or any other physical activity puts that tendon under that kind of strain and here we are, I’m not sure there’s any sort of physical exercise anywhere that would have prevented it. Maybe based on what some would say mental, but I guess on the bright side the top and bottom parts (the middle is the part that’s not ossified) are pretty durable at this point, lol. The body does strange things sometimes in response to mechanical stresses. That thing about use it or lose it with the muscles is definitely true though… except for people who have been able to retain muscles through doing mental visualization exercises of using them. That’s an interesting one there….I’m glad that his videos were able to help you find relief though, that’s awesome! We ended up getting Netflix back, kudos for remembering that. I honestly sometimes watch stuff mostly in Spanish on it. I think right now I’m kind of looking at this through the lens of I’m still spending intensively on therapy supplies, I’m spending on medical supplies and supplements, I’m working on trying to dig my inner sunflower out of the doldrums and even though we managed to negotiate something with my husband’s employer to avoid legal action against the health insurance provider, it is an uncertain future ahead in many respects and I feel like at this point Netflix is the least of my worries and if I strain on that gnat right now I could lose my mind, and I’m going to need that since the rest of me is busy breaking down also LOL -or not so much. Take good care of yourself 🌸

        Get Outlook for Androidhttps://aka.ms/AAb9ysg

        Liked by 1 person

      • Well if you’re in the mood for something a little different, I’d recommend giving kpop demon hunters a watch. Aside from the great music, it’s about authenticity being a source of strength. Fair warning: you may be listening to the songs nonstop for a while, lol!

        Liked by 1 person

      • Lol! “Golden” has been on my liked song list for a little bit now so I see what you are saying. I started watching the movie with the Spanish audio a few weeks ago and then I got sidetracked and didn’t finish it. I will probably finish it sometime soon… take good care of yourself!

        Get Outlook for Androidhttps://aka.ms/AAb9ysg

        Liked by 1 person

      • Oh man, I think the singer/songwriter Ejae has become my new favorite pop star! She worked her ass off for 10 years trying to be a kpop idol, then she got dropped by her label for being too old and her voice being too deep. Then she became obsessed with producing and started writing and selling pop songs. Finally, she’s getting her time in the limelight. If you haven’t seen her perform live on the Tonight Show, I recommend it! Just like her animated character, she lost her voice that morning and had a panic attack, but then she came through with flying colors! She’s also endearingly dorky, which everyone loves.

        Liked by 1 person

      • I watched that performance when I got home today (after reading your comment) and listened to a couple of quick interviews. I could hear what you were talking about a bit with a strain in her voice a bit in the beginning of her Tonight Show performance before it smoothed out, but that can happen to any performer. She seems genuine, lovely, and talented to me, so I can see why you admire what she is doing!

        Liked by 1 person

      • Yeah she had bronchitis, so they had to lower it a key or two. Man, now you got me started on Kpop Demon Hunters! I am so, so deep down the rabbit hole…I’ve watched interviews, reactions, breakdowns…the little singer to her left is Rei Ami and she’s like a real-life Zoey, only she swears. (Also a Christian cult survivor, she left in 2015, I figured maybe that might strike a chord). Super outspoken, I love to watch her in interviews and clips, but I’m not sure if I’d want to hang out with her, it might tire me out 😅The other one is Audrey Nuna, and she hit me in the feels when she was talking about tearing up watching the movie when Rumi was eating Kimbap, because when she was a kid, she was afraid it would smell so she’d keep her lunch box closed, sneak a slice of it, then close it again until she was ready to sneak another slice out. I remember something similar when my mom made kimbap for elementary school snacks and all the kids threw em out. It’s kind of a common Korean American thing to be self-conscious about Korean food, apparently.

        Also, this is the first big media production that’s not just Koreans, but headed by Korean Americans, and starring a bunch of Korean Americans. (There’s different voices for the talking and the singing).

        Also, when the director pitched boy band intro to a Sony exec, the exec apparently said, “We are going to objectify the crap out of them,” in a determined voice. I was like YES! Objectify us Asian men! 🤣 Apparently, animators were sending drafts of the lead boy band demon to the director, and she was like no, he needs to be hotter. This happened dozens of times before they finally nailed it. I’m not gonna lie, I get a kick out of seeing youtube reactors thirsting over an animated Korean guy. 😂

        As far as Ejae, she’s just super inspiring and I’m so happy she’s reaping the rewards of all her hard work. I was talking to my cousin recently, and she was like I don’t like concerts, but I’d definitely pay to see Ejae. I was saying that I don’t think I’d ever take a selfie with a celebrity, or even approach them, but with Ejae, I’d like to think that I’d be able to tell her something uplifting. Maybe a thank you for the great music (she was involved in writing most of the songs), and also for being such an inspiration. One of the cool things about the movie was that they didn’t just snatch up whoever was popular, the two singers Ejae sings with were recommended by her, and the singer for Jinu was her musical production mentor. From all I saw online, I felt like the production wasn’t just done by the numbers or dictated by execs, it was all done in an effort to just make everything as good as possible. I recommend just watching it in the English version first, so all the little subtleties they worked out can be presented as is. 😊

        Anyways, I know usually you’re the one who apologizes for going on and on, but now it’s my turn! 😅

        Liked by 1 person

      • Yeah, I can make someone else’s run on sentence look like the cliff notes for a Tolstoy novel😊😳 Not saying it’s OK, just…a work in progress. I heard that particular interview about the snacks and I think it is a beautiful thing to have that representation be there. Many marginalized groups don’t get equal representation here, and in my heart of hearts I would love to see it be that everyone had a safe place for representation and acceptance within our communities. That isn’t always comfortable because I don’t always agree with all perspectives (definitely not Christian personally anymore and that can cause dissonance for me for example but then that Christianity based perspective gets a lot of air time so to speak) but I think we grow more when we can learn to see and accept the humanity and beauty within our differences. I have never lived her (or your) perspective/experience, so I hope I do not come across as insensitive. I am happy that representation happened, sad it hasn’t been there before, and hope it continues to be present in our communities, and I will check it out in English sometime. Take good care of yourself 😊

        Get Outlook for Androidhttps://aka.ms/AAb9ysg

        Liked by 1 person

      • I was just kidding about the run-on posts–there’s nothing bad about speaking at length! You have a right to say what you want to say!

        Yeah, I was a big fan of the representation, but principally, I was fan of the fact they just produced a great story with great music. Then, when I saw the interviews and how much they fussed over little cultural details like putting chopsticks on napkins (instead of just sticking them in the food), traveling to Seoul to get all the vibes right for the landmarks and backdrop, and making their staff watch kdramas to get everyone on board with certain elements of the story, I gained a ton of respect for the directors’ leadership and commitment.

        I remember when Crazy Rich Asians was popular and I was psyched to see it, then about 30 minutes in, my heart started sinking, because I was like this is not good. At ALL, lol! Same thing with Shang Chi. I made it about an hour in before I was like oh no…😂 KPDH definitely was not like that.

        Take good care of yourself as well!

        Liked by 1 person

      • Dude, no worries about anybody’s take on how verbose I can be. The truth is what it is any teasing aside and not everyone is a fan of an often too wordy girl and I get that and it’s OK for someone to feel critical of that. If I can’t listen to that and be open to modification, it says stuff about me I’d rather not embody. I am glad to know that the movie offers appropriate representation 💜

        Get Outlook for Androidhttps://aka.ms/AAb9ysg

        Liked by 1 person

      • Nah, I can see why you would like it. The animation is really cool and the humor is chef’s kiss in spots. I am only about half way through in English because the schedule is a bit difficult for watching this week, lots of school, hab, and appointments. I had watched a portion in Spanish and did restart in English after your suggestion. Sometimes that does change the way it lands a bit, sometimes not… in the essentials anyways. My Spanish is pretty decent these days, so it wasn’t too difficult for me, unlike for example “Good Omens” (the book) in Spanish is. Literally I had never heard the Spanish word they used for “Nutter” in that one before…

        Get Outlook for Androidhttps://aka.ms/AAb9ysg

        Liked by 1 person

      • Everybody raves about the Saja Boys’ “Walk of hotness” but I actually like Zoey blurting out the wrong thing and then immediately correcting herself. She does it three times throughout the movie (Magicians-definitely demons, State Fair-Idol Awards, and we should sing takedown, no definitely Golden). Maybe it’s because I used to do that until I figured out how to put a filter on my thought-speech process, lol! (By the way, Zoey seems to get the most votes for the fan favorite, unsurprisingly)

        On a related note, the director was saying in an interview that there’s a lot of power in being authentically stupid and dorky, and that played a big factor in how she wanted to present the girls. I’ve watched youtubers comparing KPDH to the recent string of animated flops and superwomen in movies, and they seemed to be making some valid points about the one dimensionality of lady-heroes–how they had to have an extremely obvious foil and constantly emphasize their driving trauma, to the point where it’s just super heavy-handed and messes up the flow of the story.

        I had a similar inkling to Maggie’s idea when I wrote Erany and Kor’Thank, but I don’t think I could have articulated it as clearly as Maggie Kang (the director). Sure, Erany is a lady and she’s cooler and stronger and more skilled than Jon, but I didn’t want that to define her everyday behavior and train of thought. I wanted her to have a sense of humor and appreciate the small things, and not always have to shove how badass or traumatized she was in everyone’s face. I think the best I could have said it at the time was if I want the audience to like the character, I want the character to behave and think in a way that would make me inclined to hang out with and befriend them. Not saying I did it as good as KPDH, but what Maggie said definitely resonated with me.

        Liked by 1 person

      • I mean, the walk of hotness was funny, but if you’re not considered hot by society, it doesn’t hit the same way that Mira eating the popcorn coming out of Zoey’s eyes or them trying to go down the slides in leather/latex type outfits, etc does in my opinion. For me though, some of the more impactful moments weren’t funny, such as when Celine couldn’t even look at Rumi as she truly was. I think often when a person is deeply traumatized, they don’t know they’re radiating that sh*t to others to the degree that they are, they are just kind of often unintentionally emphasizing that point with their actions, words etc because they are still in the throes of dealing with it so to speak, and that can be an accurate point to portray in any story where it is driving something. Of course it is always something to appreciate when a strong female lead is given the multi dimensional treatment regardless of who does it…

        Liked by 1 person

      • Oh man, when Rumi confronts Celine I was like am I going to cry watching a kids movie?? Then I had the same feeling later on, when they hugged and buddied back up at the idol awards. I also got it when she got her sword powerup, but strangely not when Jinu died (maybe becuase I was raised on He Man, She Ra, and Voltron, and I love sword powerups).

        That scene with Celine was very well written, in my opinion. The idea of an older generation traumatizing a newer generation with good intentions is a very Korean/Asian thing, and it shows up in countless Kdramas. But the theme was expressed in a way where it was easily accessible to everyone, instead of just through a Confucian lens of family honor and societal standing in an East Asian world.

        Oh, speaking of Zoey and her turtle obsession, I was all into skateboarding turtles a while ago, because I saw a cool clip of a tiny turtle on a skateboard whizzing around so he could keep up with his cat sister. It’s a longshot, but I’m hoping they’ll have some turtles on skateboards in KDPH 2, lol!

        Like

      • Did Jinu really die? Seems to me he kind of dematerialized if you will… could he perhaps be rematerialized? I am thinking so, that looked pretty vague as a death scene for me given that energy came from other people in the audience to help Rumi, people who continued to go on living in that state… just a thought. Turtles are a cool spiritual symbol in some faith traditions…do they factor into any Korean spiritual belief systems? I somehow managed to miss the turtle references, but I was washing dishes while I was watching part of it so I missed a few of the visuals because I have to glance away every now and then….

        Get Outlook for Androidhttps://aka.ms/AAb9ysg

        Liked by 1 person

      • I and a bunch of other fans hope he didn’t die, and also subscribe to the theory that he’s still around and he can be pulled back out of the sword. Aside from the ambiguity onscreen, there’s a few reasons to think he’s coming back–one, he’s a fan favorite (everyone wants him back, and there’s clips of people in the theaters screaming when he dies, one of the more hilarious ones is a lady screaming, “No, you’re too sexy!”) And also because it would be easier on the budget because they have the design for him already fleshed out. According to Maggie’s interviews, you’re always running out of time and money in animation, and you gotta make decisions to keep things on track. Gwi-ma, for example, was supposed to morph into a super-evil final form at the idol awards, but they didn’t have the money. Also, Mira’s sleeping bag at the Met Gala (in the beginning) was supposed to be trash bags, but the sleeping bag had already been worked out in some other animation, so they saved money by reappropriating it.

        Turtles generally mean good things in Korea, but the turtle reference probably went over your head because I’m super deep down the rabbit hole and I was referencing a throwaway line by Zoey, lol! After their first performance, when they’re headed for their couch, Zoey gets super excited talking about how she’s compiled 700 2-second clips of turtles for MIra to watch. Fans ran away with it, and now that throwaway line has become imaginary canon where Zoey is a giant turtle enthusiast, lol!

        Like

      • Well, if a person has compiled 700 video clips, an obsession can probably be assumed 🤣 I think it makes perfect sense that he could be pulled back out of the sword… Hopefully though they will go with what is better for the storyline and not what is cheaper. As successful as the movie was, in theory there should be fewer budgetary constraints. That being said, the economy is kind of a dumpster fire for people at a certain level. I have the dystopian experience of walking through one of our local Walmarts to get the cat’s epilepsy medicine 7 days after Halloween to see more than an aisle worth of 50% off Halloween candy. Usually at a week after Halloween anything that was left over as clearance for that candy is mostly gone. Why was it there in such quantity in the first place? Probably because many people couldn’t afford to buy it with the higher prices this year. In our neighborhood fewer families, as in visibly fewer enough to where it was striking, decorated and fewer handed out candy. So maybe that would impact sales for the movie, streaming, all of the above if those ripple effects continue…. And they still might have budgetary constraints higher than one would anticipate for the sequel of a movie that was so successful 🤷

        Get Outlook for Androidhttps://aka.ms/AAb9ysg

        Liked by 1 person

      • I definitely hope they expand on that! Turtles on skateboards–one of the highlights of life! I never knew mini-turtles could be sassy until I saw it chasing cats 🤣

        I’m pretty sure they’ll give the movie a bigger budget, but I’m not privy to the machinations of studio execs. The thing is, the sequel is guaranteed to be a hit whether it’s good or bad. It’s really only the third installment’s draw that determines if the franchise as a whole is as successful as it could be.

        It’s got a weird story behind it. Sony produced it for 100m, but sold it to Netflix for 125m because they thought it wouldn’t do well in theaters and also because the execs didn’t think people would like kpop (weird, because it’s been blowing up all over the world for a while and it was made during the height of kpop craze). So now, even though Netflix is reaping these massive rewards for it, Sony has a big say in the proceedings for the sequel because they own a lot of creative/production control and rights. The merchandise companies were shortsighted too. Netflix offered them deals, but they either turned them down, or structured the deals for upfront payments with Netflix getting the backend. Overall, it’s just a cool example of how everything can just synchronistically come together and change the cultural landscape out of nowhere.

        On an Ejae-positive note, Golden got nominated for 5 grammys. I’m super happy for her. 😁

        Like

      • I saw the Grammy nominations in my news feed when they were announced, and I think that is definitely an awesome thing! I think APT got a Grammy nomination too (super catchy song that one), I am surprised execs thought the Kpop thing wouldn’t be marketable. And certainly in the US beauty product using community you can see the popularity of Korean brands is surging a lot and has been for a few years. Somebody’s head has to be buried pretty far in the sand if they are into makeup and they haven’t heard of TirTir for example… it’s even in Ulta now, and they have a damn good foundation formula and water proof setting spray. I even like it better than Urban Decay’s All Nighter, and I didn’t think anything was going to knock that off my first place setting spray slot. You have definitely done a deep dive into the movie though if you can talk about who has rights to what intellectual property, distribution rights etc. I am definitely more of a casual viewer for most things (this included).

        Get Outlook for Androidhttps://aka.ms/AAb9ysg

        Liked by 1 person

      • Oh man, you just opened up another one of my personal rabbit holes! Get ready for a rant!😂 If you like Rose, and you think she’s catchy, I’m not sure if you’re aware, but she’s a member of Blackpink, and they make the EARWORMIEST OF ALL EARWORMS! I’ve been listening to them pretty heavily for the last few weeks for multiple reasons. One, they were the inspiration behind How It’s Done, the first song in KPDH. Two, their producers are second to none, and a few of those guys worked on KPDH, which is a big part of why the music is so catchy. Ejae, Audrey Nuna, and Rei Ami were seriously stretched in their musical capacities during the process–they said it was like a masterclass in music production.

        Most of Blackpink’s stuff has in-your-face, boss-queen energy, which I’m usually not a fan of because it can easily degenerate into loudmouthed braggadocio, but they pull it off SO WELL! If you’re looking for their most famous boss-queen songs, Ddu-du Ddu-du and Pinkvenom are the places to start. I recommend watching the videos, because Blackpink always works with big-name directors, a high production budget, and they throw in high concept stuff which I don’t really understand, but it’s cool to see. It’s kind of a throwback to the late 90s/early 2000s when they spent big, big money and put a lot of thought into producing big-name music videos.

        Blackpink also makes a few songs with a different style that I’m a fan of. As If It’s Your Last kind of has an anime, 80s-video game, poppy vibe, which I like. Stay has a mellow feel which I like (I also enjoy their live performance where Jennie breaks down in the middle of the song, because she’s realized how far they’ve come from being trainees and small-timers. I wasn’t as affected as I was by Ejae’s rise to glory but I still found it heartwarming). And Jump has an early 2000s Europop vibe which I like as well. I also like the fact that they rap so well, and that it’s prevalent in so many of their songs. Apparently, learning how to mix up Korean and English rapping is incredibly hard, according to their interviews.

        They’re not as good dancers as BTS (who is?) but I think their songs are catchier and more fun. You’re a vocalist, so you may be able to pick out all the nuances, but I can’t. I’m pretty sure BTS are better singers (if you want an easy live sample of their more popular songs to judge, I’d recommend watching their NPR tiny desk concert). However, Blackpink definitely has better music videos, in my opinion, and they’re just generally more fun. Another thing I appreciate is that even though a lot of times they’re in-your-face and boss-queen on stage and in videos, they’re dorky, endearing, and just generally happy in their interviews and vlogs. I’m sure that’s part of the kpop idol training, because being relatable through social media is a hallmark of kpop, and creating a personal bond with their fans is something they consider as part of their job. So it may or may not be genuine, but I like the fact that they don’t seem to carry any elitism that might be construed from their music into their public interactions. I don’t think any of their music is elitist or too-cool-for-school, but with that style of music, I personally think it’s an easy line to cross into.

        On a related note, I now consider myself to be a non-casual kpop listener. Until now, I’ve listened to BTS and a bit of Blackpink (recently a LOT of Blackpink), but those two transcend kpop, in the fact they draw in non-kpop listeners who just want to listen to BTS and/or Blackpink. Recently, I caught another earworm from Stray Kids called On Track, and it’s been playing again and again on my playlist. I’m a sucker for positive harmonies (I think they’re called major fifths?) so it’s no big surprise I like On Track, and a little bit of a surprise that I like BlackPink, because they’re more about minor keys (I think). I know that there’s some kind of trope in pop music where everything is somehow derived from Pachelbel’s Canon in D (Blues Traveler even made fun of it in their song Hook), but as a kid, I was OBSESSED with Pachelbel’s Canon in D, so that all tracks. 🤣

        Like

      • Yeah, I have heard of BlackPink before, and I can definitely see a similar vibe for Pink Venom with some of the KPDH stuff, but I actually like “The Happiest Girl In the World” a little bit better, sometimes melancholy just resonates with me musically🤷 I seem to remember you mentioning your love of a certain Pachelbel composition before, LOL. I also remembered that you listened to BTS and were using their example for some dancing inspo. I am honestly not super aware of the different artists in that genre outside of the ones you mentioned. I tend to listen to a lot of reggaeton still because I love the upbeat sound and I just need that more this past year. So is KPDH responsible for your increased listening to Kpop?

        Get Outlook for Androidhttps://aka.ms/AAb9ysg

        Liked by 1 person

      • I hear you. I like a little melancholic stuff every once in a while. I think I already told you a while ago, but I liked Bon Iver and Taylor Swift’s Exile. It’s just that I gotta be careful with it because I will listen to songs nonstop if I like them, so if it’s a melancholic one, it can color my whole day.

        Yeah, KPDH bears a ton of responsibility, LOL! I usually keep kind of a casually interested toe dipped in Korean culture, but after KPDH, it was like rocket fuel. First came the deep dive into KPDH itself, then it bled over into Kpop and Kdramas (although that’s kind of lessened, because when kdramas are good they’re REALLY good, but other than that they’re just meh, and it’s hard to find good ones in my opinion). Kdramas are kind of like music, in my opinion, in that they can color my whole day, so there’s some that are really good, but because they’re dark or sad, I can only watch them once (kind of like 12 Years a Slave. Great movie, but I’m not watching that one again). Recently, I watched When Life Gives You Tangerines, and yes, there were parts that were super sad, but no one warned me there were parts that made you so happy you want to cry, which was a pleasant surprise! Typically, older generation Koreans are written as oppressive robots who use Confucian values to make their kids lives unbearably hard, and there ends up being a giant conflict between them. And there’s a lot of truth to that–I’ve seen and experienced it in real life, and it’s no coincidence it keeps popping up in kdramas. But Tangerines showed why someone might think that way–it shows a young couple in post-war Korea falling in love and being trapped in an exhausting blue collar grind, and how through their eyes, being a doctor or lawyer or accountant would be seen as a lottery ticket jackpot. Ultimately, though, it showed that for all their faults, their morality is rewarded throughout the decades. Everyone who had an early, short-term advantage and abused their power might have gotten immediate gains, and the couple might have experienced immediate suffering, but as the years go on, the villains begin to gradually lose power, then they become jealous of the couple because the couple has gained trust and faith from the rest of the village, and then, the couple eventually influences their old enemies to become better people because the couple have become the people everyone admires. It’s a simplistic story, but I believe the basic principle has merit. If you want something that isn’t as sad but has the same message, I recommend Castaway Diva. It’s about an amazing singer who gets marooned on an island as a teenager, then she comes back in her late twenties and tries to start a pop music career, but everyone dismisses her as too old. Through her positivity, she starts to get results, then slowly change all the negative nancies around her. Same basic idea, but with incredible music. It doesn’t really take off until the end of episode 2, however. They gotta set the story up before they can step on the gas. That one is easily my favorite kdrama.

        But if you want to hear how deep down the kculture rabbit hole KPDH sent me, I gotta mention that I’ve been watching youtube videos from Korean culture influencers who are ethnically full Korean or half-Korean. One of the most relaxing ones is Alexandria Olesen’s playlist of what she eats at her grandma’s house–it’s basically just food prep photography, then eating together with her Korean mom and her grandma set to relaxing Korean chill-hop. Another one I like is Doboodybap. It’s a Korean-Canadian lady who puts together these professional-looking food/travel videos, where she’s eating stuff and diving into all the technical terms like unctuousness and mouthfeel and all that stuff, but then she’ll throw in a dirty joke out of nowhere. She made me laugh out loud when she was eating street food with a foil wrap, she was talking about how you gotta get it all off because you don’t want anything metal going down your throat, unless you’re deepthroating Terminator’s dick. I was just kind of vibing with the video while I was writing, appreciating the background noise and delicious food shots, then I was like WHAT? And I busted out laughing.

        So yeah, KPDH definitely fueled the fire! 😅

        Liked by 1 person

      • I do remember your love of T Swift, and that we chatted about that song. What are your thoughts on her latest album? The only song I really loved off of it was “Cancelled!” You are not wrong about the melancholy music, you’re not. I know it, and usually I live by it. Sometimes I struggle lately, I believe we also discussed I am a liberal cup of tea so to speak. Lest this devolve into the type of discussion you’d rather not have here given your previously stated positions, I think much can be read between the lines of that and we’ll just leave it at that. And every now and then my inner Eeyore comes out and rolls around on my “liked” songs list and throws a misery kegger. It is what it is. At some point, I may check out some of the Kdramas you mentioned. Mostly I focus on Spanish telenovelas because I’m trying to improve my listening comprehension for faster flowing dialogues. My reading is in pretty solid shape, my speaking of Spanish can get me by on many things, but the hearing faster speech is my weakness there. Sometimes reality totally leaves the building in telenovelas though…I just ran across one on my Vix “Monteverde,” (which I admittedly only checked out because the premise sounded super absurd) as in good god almighty, the plot is so implausible…a relatively modern appearing town with only men and no internet or phones by and large, some of them good looking AF, completely without women, that need to rely on an imposter nun running from the law because her husband created a fraudulent real estate business in her name that she knew nothing about fleeing the authorities so she won’t be thrown in a Mexican jail instead of him bringing a caravan of women looking for a new home to enliven their town. Doesn’t pass the hormone, sniff, or logic test, LOL. Are Kdramas some of them kind of like telenovelas? Yours sound like they were a little more blessed by the reality fairy. Forgive me the ignorance on that one, but I’ve never seen a Kdrama…

        Liked by 1 person

      • (Yes I’m answering on Friday which I usually don’t do, but for the last 2 months I’ve been on a 7-day-a-week editing sprint to try and get ALLLL the details straight for Volume 3 of the Unbound Realm before I shift into the next phase after Christmas and start talking to artists about book covers, anyways I felt like answering because I’m up and about).

        I haven’t listened to Taylor Swift’s new release yet. I just somehow got the vibe that it was more conceptual than heart-vibey (fun or heartfelt which is usually what I’m looking for in a song), so I haven’t really given any of them a go yet. I heard she sung about her boyfriend’s wiener, so that was cool, and I’ve heard Fate of Ophelia is good, but my gut just hasn’t pulled me toward her new album.

        I’m also pretty liberal, firmly in the camp of AOC and Sanders (I think if she ran, it would be the first time I would be enthused about politics since ’04), so I hope I didn’t give you the impression I was conservative. I suspect what you meant was that due to my view of greater reality, I don’t engage in physically speaking or acting out negativity, and if possible, I will remove myself from situations where I am expected to. (Although yes, I fully allow it internally–I like to explain it as fully allow and experience whatever negativity NATURALLY arises, but I try not to pour fuel on the fire through willful additional focus on it). But I think I get it–there are a lot of things politically that are hitting close to home for you, and a lot of it is unpleasant.

        To tie up the thread of my views, I kind of crystallized my intellectual model of reality earlier this year, which ironically led to me shifting away from the intellectual exploration (thinking about it and putting the justifications together) and to the experiential exploration (be here now). Here’s how it goes–I choose to believe in an ultimately benevolent existence. (Right off the bat, that’s unprovable, I know). But also right off the bat, that comes with several empirical problems. #1 is that we are born into a world without a firm understanding of The Rules (clashing religions and philosophies), so it’s like playing a game without knowing the rules. If we only had one shot under that set of starting conditions, I would judge that as cruel, so to support my initial premise of a benevolent reality, I now have to believe in reincarnation (if you screw up your game, you can reset the board and try again). However, reincarnation doesn’t completely solve the problem–many are born under horrific circumstances or experience horrific life events outside of their control. At the end of the day, these are external causal factors that can’t be logically avoided through external means. So instead, I choose to believe in an internal means that can effect substantive change, and that would be manifestation, which ties into the idea that physical reality springs from consciousness, and not the other way around. However, that doesn’t COMPLETELY eliminate the problem of unavoidable external causation, because we don’t choose our birth circumstances, and if that’s simply how it is, I view that as existential tyranny. So now, to complete my subjective-value-built painting, I have to believe in a soul or higher self, which can approach birth circumstances (and I believe, childhood events and unavoidable turns of life) as a matter of free will.

        Now, I already believed in reincarnation, manifestation, and a higher self before, but I only recently tied it all together as an ethically sound structure to support my initial premise–that of an ultimately benevolent existence.

        My follow-on realization was that none of that matters–you don’t need to know how to tie all of it together. I believe that at the core of all religions and in every mystical tradition, they advocate what I call The Basics: Be Present. Be Nice. Be Appreciative. That sort of thing. And in fiction, there are certain resonant things that appear again and again, despite being embedded in an untrue narrative. Things such as following your heart, the hero’s journey, that kind of thing.

        The only tricky part (in my opinion) in the modern-day world is the idea that feeling and experiencing negativity is not a good idea. Going back to the idea that at our core state, we are everything everywhere all at once, that can also equate to unconditional love–the nonpreferential allowance of all conditions. And in that core state, I believe we can’t experience anything but love and positivity, so in order to break through its limits, it starts growing branches, or higher selves, that now prefer certain themes. Those higher selves grow leaves, or individuals (us) to engage in direct experience with duality and contrast (which includes negativity). Higher selves can’t directly engage with those things because their primary purpose is to stay focused on the theme, and directly experiencing the world can be incredibly distracting and immersive.

        So why is that tricky? Basically, I believe we’re meant to experience a certain amount–a NATURAL amount–of negativity, because in our core unseparated state, there is nothing but love and positivity, and our higher selves would find it too distracting and immersive. Now, negativity naturally arises, we can exercise free will–we can stuff it down, fight it, etc. and then it will lurk within us until it can express itself in some other manner (negative manifestations) or we can just allow ourselves to feel it and experience it, and it will come and go as all phenomena comes and goes. I believe this is the most empowering state to live in–a constant state of internal allowance, which, ironically, often means an outward state of non-expression (I don’t want to say or do something that might get me arrested or damage relationships). I also don’t believe it’s a black-and-white allow or don’t allow–I think well after the experience of negativity, CBT, MDMA, and other therapies can circle back to something that wants to be allowed and released, and facilitate that process.

        It’s tricky in the modern-day world because a lot of positive-thinking philosophy entails forcible suppression or reframing of negativity, and that contradicts what I believe in. It may not work for everyone, but to me it’s logically sound on a macro-philosophical level, and also at a personal anecdotal level. One of my life’s mission’s was to care for my mom, and there were points along her sickness and death where I was tempted to spiral out and either engage in tyrannical behavior (this is for the good of my mom and it’s a life and death thing so I have an excuse to disrespect her wish to die and work directly against it), or just rail at her and my brother, who actually did tyrannize her during the process, physically doing good for her, but consistently putting her in pain and disrespecting her agency (she actually ended up banning him from the hospital near the end). Nevertheless, I realized all throughout that I had this choice to either walk my talk or not, so long story short, I would never do ANYTHING without her explicit consent (when she was conscious and responding). I would tell her that too, and she loved talking to me because I was the only one close to her who had that mindset, and the only one who spoke comfortably about her with her death (no one else around her wanted to broach that topic). After she passed, I gave it a few months before concluding that what I believed was personally valid (I didn’t know if maybe I’d just break down and crumble because I’d been fooling myself and faking it throughout the whole thing). But I never had a reckoning, never broke down, and felt more at peace with her than ever. She’s visited me in a couple dreams since, and I still talk to her out loud sometimes because I know she can hear me (according to my beliefes, anyway). I tell her you’re the best mom ever, and I feel a big heartfelt smile in response. All that being said, my main point was my philosophies (thus far) have satisfied my macro-philosophical needs, as well as my personal everyday framework. Once again, I don’t mind if you don’t take any of that on board, agree with it, or use it in any manner (allowance, amirite?). It’s all stuff I explore in narrative form in volume 3 of the Unbound Realm. Jon goes through some pretty tough times between the 50-80 percent mark of the book, but I can’t stand an unhappy ending.

        Lastly, Kdramas! I’m not sure how to describe the appeal of them. Some of them definitely aren’t realistic (there was one called nugget where the lady hero was literally a chicken nugget, and from the video recap, they didn’t really do anything with that premise or explain it). But the ones that are great are great for a few reasons, in my opinion. They’re a marked departure from the snarky quippiness of American interactions (or maybe it’s just getting lost in translation). They just feel more wholesome, in my opinion, and that’s been echoed among others as well. The values are also much more about being decent to others than being cool or dominating bad people (once again, my opinion). Also, since I can’t parse out Korean mannerisms, they’re all a-list actors to me. It’s kind of laughable when they get someone American onscreen speaking English, because I can instantly tell they’re a bad actor, and that the reverse is true–a Korean audience can’t parse out American mannerisms and spot bad American actors that easily. I think that helps when there’s unrealistic twists and turns–because I can’t spot the bad acting, I’m more likely to give them a pass.

        Like

      • Great job giving me some viable competition on a comment length, lol! 👏 🙇‍♀️I am not going to outdo you today, I worked at the school, have things to get to, and am on hives watch. Which hopefully some careful mindfulness and distraction can resolve…so, maybe I’ll go longer. We’ll see how the typing lands on my neck this late in the day. First, I honestly wasn’t as interested in “The Fate of Ophelia,” and in listening to a snippet of it again so that I could congeal my thoughts, it kind of gave me second hand Lana Del Rey vibes, but maybe it’s just because I’m on hives watch.🤷‍♀️Second (which I probably should have started with first because you did, I just like your writing better than that song) I think attention to detail with editing is a good thing, I don’t always do it the way I should and haven’t since things got so crazy with the care of our son. I look at some of the typos I’ve produced over the years from that and it’s embarrassing. It is what it is. I again shall look forward to reading your book when it comes out 🙂

        Specifically I seemed to remember that you at one time would rather not discuss politics (though perhaps that was a POTS induced autonomic nervous system crashed fever dream?). Which is OK, it can often become heated, political discussions, depending on the people involved. I have taken to carrying copies of my son’s birth certificate and our adoption papers with me at all times, because he has the type of skin color that could get us targeted. The only thing that would prevent that possibly is that I look completely Caucasian. CBD by and large just got banned, even most non-intoxicating. You have YouTuber Randy RoadStreamer being drug across “do not cross” lines and THEN being arrested for trespassing by ICE. Even if a person thinks his lyrics are a nuisance, those are tactics seen in authoritarian regimes. I could go on. The list gets dark and concerning in places and even if you preferred to have a political discussion here, I don’t know that it’s good for my mental health to engage too much in that because there’s very little that someone in my position can do to change some of these things. Your delicate phrasing of “unpleasant” is a euphemism I struggle to come up with for this, but we shall leave it at that for this discussion.

        I think reincarnation is definitely a think. I wasn’t sure at one point, but pretty confident in that these days. I think many things are difficult to explain at our level of existence, and I think that learning to love others fearlessly and fully is a top priority for our existence and many religions reflect that to some degree I think. Look at this, my comment is already getting long in the tooth, snap!!!😳 I am sure your mom does hear you still. I will say though, I am just a mom so thank you, but you definitely have my permission to go a little lighter on the compliment sauce if you ever mention me to her again. I think sometimes it’s hard. I remember chewing out a VA nurse that was letting my grandmother cheat on her diabetic diet because I just loved her so much and I just wanted her to still be alive and be there for me. And then as Tony’s mom, I had him do things he never would have chosen to do. And because of that he’s in a public school where his teacher says he’s like a giant teddy bear. But toddler Tony had so little tolerance for public places he was literally kicking and screaming and bracing his feet on the doors of places I had to take him in to just for a walk in and walk out kind of moment. He hated it but it was so brief he was able to see it wasn’t really hurting him, but then could only tolerate 2 seconds more. Etc. I had him do lots of little things in small doses that he felt that way about and he would have said no every second of the way to at the time if he hadn’t been offered something fun like a skittle for. Like literally never. And plenty of people think I have wasted my life and my potential for doing what I did. When he was younger, we could have had him put in a facility and many people would have applauded that as the rational thing to do. DDD and some of his therapists and even some of my acquaintances from church thought it was appropriate at one point. But I could feel what was in him, and I couldn’t do it. Never would change the choice I made, but plenty of people wouldn’t have admired it, would have said all that time, all that effort, all that money just to get him to where he’s at right now firmly puts me on the crazy train. And so I am. And now the neck is starting to cramp from the typing, so it’s the end of the word-vomited brick road for the day. Happy editing and take good care of yourself 🙂 Ari

        Liked by 1 person

      • Oh man, I’m embarrassed! 😅 When I said “you were the best mom ever,” I should have clarified I was addressing my mom, as in when I say it to her, SHE is the best mom ever. I haven’t mentioned you to her or anyone else, but I can, if you want. That must have felt a little creepy and boundary-crossing on your part, lol! No worries, I should have clarified that better, plus text is not an information-rich medium, so that kind of thing happens. Personally, it happens to me in real life, where I take something too literally every so often and respond as such, which is why I like Zoey from KPDH so much, because she does it a few times during the movie and she makes it funny and endearing.

        The parenting and guardianship stuff is tough, and I am very unqualified to talk about it, seeing as I don’t have much personal experience with it. But my opinion is that a lot of it is an agreement between higher selves, particularly in the parent-child relationships. Before we incarnate, I believe we examine the themes we’d like to experience, then make agreements with higher selves so they can help us experience these themes, and we in turn help them experience certain themes THEY want to flesh out. It’s one of the reasons I think Shakespeare is so enduring and was also tapped into some deeper truths he alluded to throughout his stuff. This idea, specifically, is contained in the quote about all the world being a stage, and one man in his time playing many parts. That’s what I believe, anyway.

        From my point of view, I can’t say whether or not you are aligned with your higher self when it comes to deciding to care for your son, but it seems like you are. You seem to experience fulfillment with the process, which is the big tell, in my opinion. I am in the same boat with writing, or so I believe. The ideas haven’t stopped coming for going on ten years now, and financially, things have fallen into place so that finding time for writing is not an issue. The appearance of fulfillment, synchronicity, and an intuitive sense of rightness is what I believe signifies we are in accordance with our higher self.

        On a somewhat related note, I’m not sure if you’ve heard of the anchoress of Norwich. She was inspired at a young age to lock herself in a room and think about the divine, while the local populace supported her with physical necessities such as food. People sought her guidance, and she eventually wrote a book, which became widely popular. Now, at the beginning of this endeavor, one might say she is also on the crazy train, and she was a drain on peoples’ lives and resources. However, she became known far and wide and commended for her wisdom and contemplation. Another example might be Nelson Mandela, who decided to just live as an extraordinarily upstanding guy in prison. It would be easy to make the case when he first started doing it, that he too, was firmly on the crazy train.

        To me, the higher self, because it transcends time and space, gets to see the rat’s maze from a bird’s eye view, so it sees all the twists and turns and deadends and sees the actual shortest and easiest path to the end. We, the rats, only have access to line of sight data, so higher self guidance (intuition, synchronicity, fulfillment) might not make logical sense to us a lot of the time. So I don’t think you’re on the crazy train. I suspect you are actually taking the best way forward.

        Like

      • Ok, I can tell you where the interpretation came from. It was the lack of quotation marks and the grammar structure for what is typical for that type of sentence. If it had quotation marks (i.e. I tell her “you’re the…”) or it had said “I tell her she’s…” I totally would have got the correct interpretation out of it. And it had felt uncomfortable for me the way it had read on my end and I apologize for bringing discomfort to you in my handling of that. But that being said you’re probably not aware that people tell me that all the time around me in real life and I feel equally uncomfortable and they definitely mean it directed at me. Because of what they see me do for my son. Especially if they have a religious mindset. For that particular group it is more problematic for me on the emotional processing end because often I find they want to elevate me to a certain status that is emblematic of a certain ideal but they don’t want to help out in a way that is representative of that ideal themselves. And now I’m embarrassed that I wasn’t reading a potential typo into that sentence. That being said, I think it’s great that you love her so much and you still talk to her 💜 I do feel fulfilled to a certain degree in what I chose to do, but I have also frankly addressed this in the past. I have had to give up things that I felt would have made me very happy to do this. I prioritized what I felt would be best for my emotional health and my ability to respect myself, not necessarily for my temporal happiness.

        Get Outlook for Androidhttps://aka.ms/AAb9ysg

        Liked by 1 person

      • Ok, well I’m glad that got straightened out, lol! At first I was a little miffed–I was like, “she wants me to dial back on me complimenting my mom?” Then I read it carefully, and I was like, oh, Ariana thinks I’m talking about Ariana! And then I was mortified, because I was like man, I must have come off as slavish and adoring, or, as the kids say these days, like a simp. 😂

        Liked by 1 person

      • Dude, lavish your mom with all the compliments your heart can afford her I say!!! Yeah, my read was that it was directed at me because even some people online definitely have, people in my community definitely do, and I would rather not have those comments made to me. Even our son’s educational advocate is a bit too effusive from time to time. I would rather people focus on the potential he does have so that they can see themselves in that narrative and not me since I am going to die someday. So I am happy to have it verified as a typo😁

        Get Outlook for Androidhttps://aka.ms/AAb9ysg

        Liked by 1 person

      • I’m just going to add another thing really quickly because, as I was sitting on my exercise bike pondering some other stuff, some of your wording stood out to me in a slightly different way and I think it glanced off me initially, so I want to preface this by begging forgiveness for making an already uncomfortable situation potentially more so. I have a gift for bringing the discomfort sometimes, and I don’t want to pander to any Aspie stereotypes, that could just be how I would have been regardless. I wasn’t thinking you were trying to be slavish or a simp. I think sometimes people look at me more as inspo porn for feel good moments when it comes for caring for a person with unusual challenges. I would rather they didn’t. I wouldn’t have put you in that category per se, but if anything my read on it was “wow, he has a surprisingly high opinion of what I am doing with Tony, etc.” That’s all. I am not the type of person anybody simps over and I know it!!! Delusions of grandeur isn’t my thing, even if uncomfortable moments are. Sorry for bringing a few too many to your day, and wishing you an otherwise peaceful week ahead 😀

        Liked by 1 person

      • Sincerely dude, I do apologize for inadvertently making things awkward. I unfortunately do have a gift that way. I had already started KPDH previously, just got sidetracked… It is a good movie, and I like the song “Free” just as much as “Golden…” Take good care of yourself and thank you for your graciousness😊

        Get Outlook for Androidhttps://aka.ms/AAb9ysg

        Liked by 1 person

      • No worries and no need to apologize, I’ve done plenty of that kind of thing myself! 😊 I like Free as well, especially JInu’s rap-singing portion. I wish that had been done a bit more, or maybe in some other songs.

        Like

  7. The process of happiness and the definition of success are personal aspects of this life that I find have changed and developed over the years. Sometimes they are intertwined, other times they are conflicting forces in our daily life. Honestly, I sometimes feel like I don’t have a handle on either one of them… Thought provoking post…

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  8. As I’m now older, no–old, and have much less before me than behind, I realise the futility of waiting for something in the future. Living in the moment is the way to happiness, I’m sure, although not always easy.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

  9. I find that good and bad are simply perspectives, and my perspective changes with time and experience. Yes, of course there are extremes like having your leg blown off by a landmine (which hasn’t happened to me yet), but even those are only good or bad according to our perspective. (At least you lived, eh?) We can learn to control our perspective, or we can go with the flow (be the slave of our subconscious). I recommend the former – why wouldn’t you make every moment ‘good’ – but it’s a personal choice.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    • I believe your view is valid. I understand why it isn’t always prudent to voice it, as some people who are emotionally invested in a particular viewpoint will see it as insulting and insensitive. However, I have seen people who honestly see their tragedy as a very positive thing that happened to them.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  10. I love this musing. I suspect when it comes to human behavior there is nothing new under the sun, just new reactions to old things. I remember how as a kid I discovered things like love and friendship (and other things!), all old concepts, but my reaction to it was totally new and unique to me. Life is a beautiful mystery and I find it very hard to just believe any one thing. There are always more layers to peel away, and the more I peel the less I realize I know. I wouldn’t want it any other way!

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

  12. I expect the Scandinavians have several words for it, but we can all appreciate small moments, while not many of us can have a moment on top of Everest or getting an Olympic medal! When I was twenty I realised I could stop worrying about not being a ‘successful teenager’ and just appreciate life and people of all sorts.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

Leave a comment