Tag: humor

Murg… Last thing I remember was being abducted by a super-hot collective of intergalactic soccer moms, bent on using me to satisfy their vajeens…where the hell am I?  Looks like they put me in some kinda stasis capsule… I feel around for an exit, when I suddenly realize my hands and arms are dry and…

“DEATH TO KENT WAYNE!” Oh no!  They’ve fucking come for me! I slide out of bed and yank on my Batman underroos, hastily coiling my giant wiener around my thigh and tying it off with a quick square knot (so I don’t trip on the head).  A peek out the window confirms my fears:  a…

Hmmm…now that I’m rich, squatted 405 for reps, earned a black belt in jiu jitsu, what should I do… *snaps fingers*  Of course!  MyFriendsHotMom dot com! I log into the VIP section, rubbing my hands eagerly together before squirting lotion into my palms.  MILF videos:  the perfect procrastination! Suddenly, a floodlight blazes through my studio…

Fucking hell!  Never should have said that dogs are cuter than kids! An hour prior, I was strolling through San Francisco’s suburbs; bopping, scatting, blurting nonsense words (I never really grew up, in case you haven’t guessed).  As I passed a handful of alpha-female Soccer Moms—all running hill sprints, hoisting quinoa-fed babies at an extended-arm…

The Internet.  Everyone thought it was a force for good.  Slowly but surely, it morphed from a nerd-driven curio into a less nerdy (but still nerdy) guerilla-ish cyberstructure, then into a full-on pillar of modern society.  People thought it would advance our development.  Ironically, it has done the exact opposite…     IT IS THE…

Beatosaurus Dick!!!  Today is the LAST day that Echo 2, 3, 4, and Echo 1 & 2 Combined Edition are $0.99!  Scare your lover with your best demon-gasm—RUAAAAH!!!  RUKH TAK ASHIKTA!!!—and go tell everybody!  WHOOO!!! I’ll be posting a variant of this ad until the sale ends on February 22.  Apologies if it gets repetitive. …

Sperm on a sandwich!!!  Echo 2, 3, 4, and Echo 1 & 2 Combined Edition will be $0.99 for today and tomorrow!  Laugh uproariously with your fellow CEOs at those lowly proles, then Batman the shit out of them by presenting them with 51% ownership in all their companies, which you’ve just converted into dildo-selling…

By the lotioned-up genitals!!!  Today is the LAST day that Echo 1 is FREE!  Echo 2, 3, 4, and Echo 1 & 2 Combined Edition will be $0.99 for three more days!  Stop clicking that piece of chalk across your calculus-filled chalkboard, straining to figure out how to slide a finger into your lover’s poopchute,…

Mushroom stamp with cheese!!!  Echo 1 is FREE for today and tomorrow!  Echo 2, 3, 4, and Echo 1 & 2 Combined Edition will be $0.99 for four more days!  Take a giant steamer on your unsuspecting neighbor’s lawn as he lets his dog take a dook on yours and fails to pick it up,…

Smeg-dicked dongs from Dirius Five!!!  Echo 1 is FREE for three days!  Echo 2, 3, 4, and Echo 1 & 2 Combined Edition will be $0.99 for five more days!  Trundle into your bathroom as your friends unsuspectingly play X-box, then let loose with a protracted scream while playing the crescendo from Requiem for a…