Last thing I remember was being abducted by a super-hot collective of intergalactic soccer moms, bent on using me to satisfy their vajeens…where the hell am I? Looks like they put me in some kinda stasis capsule…
I feel around for an exit, when I suddenly realize my hands and arms are dry and withered, like a famine-stricken mummy’s. I look down. My torso and legs are the exact same way.
“HELP!” I scream. “I NEED FOOD! GATORADE! INTRAVENOUS NUTRIENTS!”
My eyes hone in on the far wall, where a curved door slides open. Four soccer moms walk through and stand in front of me, looking me up and down with bemused smiles and raised eyebrows.
“You’re ours now, Man Whore,” their leader states. “We’ve been using your luscious, upcurved penis at an unsustainable rate, which poses a quandary for your body’s hydration. It can’t keep up with our insatiable cravings.”
“You want the whole package!” I argue. “I used to be yoked! Don’t you want rippling abs and my panty-dropping smile?”
“Irrelevant. All we need is your upcurved thickie.” The leader claps twice, causing a small, genital-height port to open on my capsule. “Get ready for some loving, you man-bitch he-whore.”
“NO!” I scream. “GATORADE!”
They ignore my pleas and reach into the capsule, groping for my bulge. No options left. I reach into my pocket and open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
“RUAAAAHHH!!!” My pupils disappear as my eyes blaze white. Muscle bursts across my withered frame; my limbs and torso grow back into their former hirsuteness. I throw my arms out in a Hulk-SMASH flex and explode my capsule into a million shards.
“OOK OOK AWK!” My brain has devolved to its natural state: that of a primitive ape-man. “OOK OOK!”
Me run out. Me pound chest. Grab some unattended nommies (ooh—soccer mom cupcakes!) n’ maow them down. NommerGlompfMcNompf! Run out room! Run and run and run! Me run naked!
“Be free, Man Whore,” one of the soccer moms whispers as I gallop away on all fours. “Be free.”
Kent Wayne escapes again! Ha HA!
Have you been abducted by an advanced cadre of intergalactic hotties? Never fear! Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Musings, Volume 1 is available here: Musings, Volume 1 If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast: Strained Brains! It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play! Please give it a listen and a five-star review! Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human: Optimization! 🙂 🙂 😀