I have no proof, but I believe the ability to be unconditionally happy–to funnel my attention onto an omnipresent feeling of existential well-being–is more than just a trick of the mind. I believe it is our inherent right. I believe it springs from an all-inclusive, generative source. I believe we came from it, and even though we might throw a fit to add some drama to the stories we call our lives, I believe we will return to it.
I believe we are trapped in a no-lose game.
I don’t disagree. I think it’s inherent from birth but life here is heavy and has underlying tones of survival first.
But once those survival needs are met and you realize the difference between a need and a want. And then proceed to ask yourself why you feel it a need, etc. you can clear all that clutter to see the inherent happiness that has always been there. The gratitude for it.
If someone were to ask me if I was happy I would say ‘hell yes! Even when I’m sad/angry/frustrated”/etc. You can be happy and all other emotions at the same time. Happiness is a mindset and our emotions are fluid. I think that is what you mean?
I think so, yes. For me, I think it requires some emotional intelligence and focus on acceptance, but I believe that I have the potential to tap into unconditional happiness in the literal sense, meaning regardless of conditions. I didn’t believe this until I started racking up instances where everything would be “great” but I’d be miserable, and vice versa, where everything sucked and I’d for some reason be happy. At the very least, I believe it is always possible (and much easier and less complicated) to focus in a “happier direction.” Anger may feel better than depression. Revenge or hate may feel better than anger. Frustration or apathy may feel better than those. For me it’s a matter of relaxing into my natural resonance, focusing on acceptance of whatever I’m feeling and my circumstances, and letting my resonance raise on its own, instead of consciously wallowing in negativity, constructing ironclad justifications of why I should stay depressed, angry, frustrated or whatever.
Our emotions are like water, it is why we so regularly associate them with the ocean. They ebb and flow, crash and recede. We do not have control over them, and it is also why the moon affects us in the way it does. If you are someone who likes, or wants, control you will have a very difficult time with emotions (not saying you are, just speaking in generalizing terms). I just finished writing up my podcast for tomorrow talking about foundations, our mindset. I used to try and force myself to be happy. It doesn’t work like that. I think we can take an emotion and solidify it, create a foundation if you will, and this becomes our mindset. As I have stated. I am happy, it is my mindset, my foundation, it is a simple truth for me. Have you thought that maybe your foundation is not happiness? Perhaps your foundation is something else. I can’t help but think of Batman. He fights for good… but really his mindset is centered around justice, and a lot of anger. His foundation is not happiness. And so his life reflects tha. He is able to flow with emotions accordingly. May not be the best example but it was one I could think of off the cuff that wasn’t centered on ‘rainbows and sunshine’. Even my foundation is not about that. But just a happiness for my life, a gratitude if you will, it allows me to feel my other emotions without letting them define me. Anyway, I will leave you with this: sometimes we need to wallow in an emotion, it is teaching us somethine valuable about ourselves. Just don’t get stuck there. My thoughts tend to be fluid during talks of emotional intelligence, but that is the point is it not? haha
I personally believe the default mode is happiness, which is my take on why when the mind is truly empty, positivity can rush in, to the point of ecstasy. I didn’t use to believe this, I used to be much more transactional and Taoist in the idea of emotions (rewards come with costs, happiness comes with sorrow) but then one day I decided to really give it a go while I was walking some dogs. I fully committed to being blank, and against every one of my expectations, it spontaneously turned into a feeling of well-being. Maybe that isn’t proof, but it was enough for me.
I used to be a giant comics fan, and I also used to be really into Batman, because I thought that the only thing that mattered was outward action and results. However, I changed my mind later on, when I realized he never truly resolves his trauma. In the comics, he surrounds himself with a surrogate family in a subconscious desire to replace his dead mom and dad, but then he always ends up pushing his new family away because he’s afraid of losing them like he did in the past with his mom and dad. I don’t want my life and actions to be ruled by my inability to resolve inner conflict, regardless of how much outward good it may result in. I much prefer Superman (who I hated as a kid, ironically), because his true superpower isn’t his godlike gifts, it’s that he has these incredible abilities but he doesn’t abuse them (like many who would if they had his abilities), he genuinely wants the best for people. I guess the positive message from Batman is that with ingenuity and focus, you can overcome seemingly impossible obstacles, but I’m not really interested in that anymore. Superman is who speaks to me, because he still appreciates the simpler pleasures, and his heart is his true strength. He lives a life of trust, where without any proof he believes things will be okay in the end, where believes in the strength of a positive outlook and resonance, whereas Batman lives a life of constant lack, where he can never be prepared enough, where he’s always obsessed with threats, danger, and he will never be happy because he will never let go of his damaged worldview.
As far as wallowing in negative emotion, I think we’re on the same page. By wallowing, I mean getting stuck. I fell out of frequent contact with a friend because he would refocus on the negative even in positive subject matter. If something good happened and I was expressing positivity about it he’d be like “don’t jinx it!” And when I mentioned a scientist that received their ideas through inspiration like Einstein, he was jealous, which completely threw me. I was thinking hey if this guy can do it, maybe I can do something similar, whereas he was thinking something completely opposite. That’s what I mean by wallowing–I’m fully about feeling negativity and acknowledging its right to exist and express itself in me, but that’s so I can make peace with it and recalibrate to the default positivity that comes from an all-inclusive view. Wallowing to me is not letting it go, using the conscious rationalization process to always hedge events with negativity, or dim the upside out of insecurity and a desire to feel momentarily in control because of a logically supported cynical worldview. I used to do that, until I started noticing that things would sometimes turn out wildly better than I expected, which forced me to reconsider, and eventually led me to reframe my thought process.
I think our vocabulary cannot fully describe the emotional or spiritual world. We can try but when we quiet is the only time we can truly experience it, and this experience is hard to portray in words. You view it as a ‘true happiness’, I view it as ‘true being’. We speak the same language, we just explain in different words. I hope you are treating yourself well and that life and knowledge continue expanding for you.
The feeling is mutual! You deserve a fulfilling life and good times!
I’ve recently delved more into the idea of being empty and present. Previously, I thought it meant no thought or emotion, and brute-forcing or trying to rationalize my way into that. Recently, however, I’ve decided to view the monkey mind as simply another piece of phenomena, to accept distracting thoughts, to let myself feel things without amplifying them through a rationale of why I should reject them or whatever. That just feeds them in my experience, so when I am okay with anger or depression, my focus may include that anger or depression initially, but it inevitably shifts to the fact that I am okay with them, or true acceptance and inclusion of them. Contrast that with the seemingly typical view of denying emotions and trying to invalidate them with intellectualisms, which just makes them resentful by suppressing them, in my experience. So I guess long story short, I view the visceral processing of emotion as something that can be included in acceptance, instead of something to try and force aloofness towards.
I’m not that advanced yet 😅 Mine are like obnoxious kids that scream pay attention to meeee! Then when I’m like okay fine, I accept you’re on my leg, I accept you want attention, you have a right to be heard but that doesn’t mean I agree, they’re like okay that’s really all I wanted and let go of me.
Haha, I feel this occasionally. It usually happens when I am not keeping up with my journaling. I have a lot that goes on in my mental space and if it is too crowded with thoughts in my mind it can be like walking through a busy subway. Bumping into everything. During these times, I will sit with whatever it is or write it down to ponder later, then get back to sitting in peace. Or journal real quick to clear out my mind. There are really no rules with meditation; it all depends on your intent. Are you trying to relax, be in the present moment, or open yourself to options or ideas in a situation? I think as long as you go in with a specific intent, it will be easier to navigate. If you are observing your thoughts as they pass (kind of like people watching), then let it be just that.
It kind of depends. Typically, I’ll initially try and relax and be empty. If that happens with little to no effort, then I just abide in it. Of course, there’s the meditators’ age-old dilemma where thoughts and emotions might arise without any prodding. In those cases, if that starts happening, I let the thought and emotion exist, but this is where I may lose some people–I don’t reject it, or if I do that instinctively, I accept that I’m rejecting it. If it switches to frustration–I can’t get rid of it or it’s not going away–I accept that, sometimes to the point of I guess I’m destined to be frustrated forever, or saddled with this forever. The specifics aren’t important, it’s the vibration of acceptance. The important thing for me is to not consciously (actively) reject whatever comes up, no matter how irrational, negative, or absurd it may be. To me, this is not that I agree with the specific content of my thought or emotions, or even tolerate them (which is a grudging vibration), but I let them (as said before) be included in an all-inclusive existence, which without fail has guided me back to an all-inclusive view (the oft-spoken of abidance in the present, where all is included without judgment). Another thing I’ve realized is that if something “undesirable” comes up and I start rationalizing in one direction or another (rationalizing why its invalid or inappropriate, or even rationalizing how it’s going to lead to this good thing and that good thing and blah blah blah), it builds mental tension that pulls me away from the all-inclusive view. Rationalizing for me is application of conscious muscle, and there might be instances when it feels right and flows naturally, but that’s generally not the case with meditation. I know all that is rather subtle and requires a nuanced implementation of emotional pressure, but I’ve found that the whole stereotypically aloof, monk-like response translates to me rejecting or using rationalization to chide my monkey mind, who likes to respond with rejection and rationalization in turn (for me, anyway), and so the cycle goes round and round. I’ve found that for me, it’s easier to make peace with the monkey mind if I let it have its say, no matter how evil or crazy it is, then we both part ways and I can drift back into the all-inclusive view (by having including the “undesirable,” if that makes sense).
I don’t see how you lose people within your train of thought. But it could also be the location you live. I know when I left Seattle area 12 years ago I thought I would be able to “find more people like me” because I was surrounded by them back home. I often feel like a fish out of water in terms of conversation where I am now. Having people even say “I’m beyond them”. Maybe this is just how it feels to you too and why you also choose solitude and your characters or others words on a screen. Anyway, I got side tracked. Honestly, I don’t think any monk would say you were “doing it wrong”. You’re just letting things be. Haha I’ve never seen someone explain something so simple in such complexity! It’s brilliant, don’t get me wrong, but it’s also not complicated 😉😊
I think most folks on this world aren’t really interested in that vibration, they’re more focused on navigating the material world. I think of those as younger souls so no judgment, because at some point I was probably more focused on material stuff as well. But as far as watching the thoughts, I guess it was because I applied a meatheaded approach in the beginning, where I just tried to be aloof 😅 Also, it can get tricky with certain content when it becomes paradoxical. For example, if I’m feeling hopeless and stuck, I objectively know it’s true that “This too, shall pass.” But that’s not the fastest way for me to move through that negativity, I actually allow the hopelessness and stuck feeling, without justifying why I’m hopeless or stuck, or without justifying in the other direction, why it’s false. I say yes, fine, I’m hopeless and stuck. Sometimes, I have to even state that fine, I”ll be here forever, fine, there’s no possible solution, because the feeling is that severe. I don’t agree with any of that, but by acknowledging it fully, through my emotions and acceptance instead of just my surface conscious logic, I allow the negativity room to breathe, exist, and go on its way. Same with a conflict with a loved one, where I may instinctively hope that something bad happens to them, or I want to hurt them. I know none of that’s true, but instead of gritting my teeth and berating myself, telling myself no you shouldn’t feel that way, you love them, blah blah blah, I just say yep, that’s how I feel. That’s what I hope and that’s what I want to do. Obviously I don’t act on it or outwardly express it, but I do allow it to process internally so the mental hooks can relax and come out, so to speak.
Wow. You’re so deep. LOL. No, I hear you though. There’s a better way than we’ve been taught.
Happy is one of those definitives that imply an outcome weighted by the emotional impacts of perceived success or failure and/or an external trigger. Sunshine makes me happy. Follow the Aristotelian logic of that into all sunshine is good until experience says it isn’t. All mechanics, as opposed to the simple wu wei of effortless doing. Be, in its simplest form is an infinitive, not a definitive. Unweighted being is the experiential now, full of satisfaction. Neither bitter, nor sweet, nor prejudged. Is just is. Like the man said, “No eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn.” Be more. Think less.
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People strive for happiness, but maybe if they just ‘are’ it will sneak in. I don’t think it’s something we can force to join us.
These reflections call each of us to check our own emotional journey. Is it time for a course correction? Others may help us when we need it most.
Absolutely! If I’m open to helping others and stay fun and loose, I notice help comes from unexpected places!
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Negative emotions have taken the form of anger, but at what or whom? The answer is that I am angry at myself, so now I try to fix that.
Thank you for liking my poem!
Kent Wayne 
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