Musings

Musings

DirtySciFiBuddha29 Comments

Obviously, the person I have to spend the most time with in my life is myself.

So it would make sense to be fair to myself, to guide myself toward positivity and a life worth living, not just in retrospect, but also moment to moment, by being as present as I can. To let self-hate dwindle and fade away, and filter out criticism that doesn’t serve my long-term fulfillment. To not waste excess time or consideration on folks that try and stand out by dimming others, because deep down they are insecure and scarcity-minded–they cling to and defend the falsehood that they themselves can’t shine any brighter–and believe they have to drown others in shadow for their own light to be seen.

I might get a sendoff, but no one will experience my death but me. When it happens, I’d like to think I won’t see my most constant companion–me–as an incessant malicious tormenting demon. That instead, I can count him as a great friend and good-hearted equal.

29 thoughts on “Musings”

  1. Hmm dwelling on Death. I want to go out balls deep. Cum n go at the same time. Probably die sat in the sunny seat looking out of the window. With a robot wiping my ass for me. Ho hum

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  6. Yes! As aims go, I can’t think of a better one to have. When things get really shitty in the old brainpan, and I’ve been able to force some positivity into my thoughts, I try to act like the best friend I could ever have. It can be a little hard to remember to do sometimes.

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    • Indeed! Like everyone, I’ve heard that if someone talked as badly to our friends as we often talk to ourselves, we would physically fight that person. But recently I heard it from another point of view, where we are with ourselves ALL THE TIME, to include a ton of moments not even our closest friends/family will ever be able to see, which kind of hammered home the idea that we can be consistently nastier to ourselves than anyone else could be, so good self-talk is super important.

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      • I’ve recently found that acceptance is my preferred way of getting out of negativity. Instead of rationalizing why I shouldn’t be angry or depressed, I go for some conscious phrasing that resonates, maybe something as simple as “I accept that I’m enraged. It’s fine. It’s natural.” It ensures I’m not invalidating myself and my subconscious tends to relax and let me get more positive, I think it’s similar to arguing with someone and first conveying that you empathize with their feelings before trying to debate them with logic. Without the empathy, the confrontational dynamic remains.

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  7. I’ve been reading you for a long time and this – “and filter out criticism that doesn’t serve my long-term fulfillment.” is the biggest crock of shit to ever cross one of your pages. We may discount criticism, assess it, consider the source, consider the medium, consider its validity and weight. But to ignore or decide criticism doesn’t fit our personal growth model? You know better. I’m sure I got your drift and this is simple semantics, but that line is next door to narcissism. It’s okay to love how you love yourself. But no man’s an island, nor or we always the perfect judge of what we need to hear.

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  8. The idea here of experiencing your own death, and to come to that experience as a friend to yourself rather than a hated enemy. Just an awesome thought. Truly a deep and far reaching idea. This thought can change your life from moment to moment if you truly internalize it.

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    • I agree! In my earlier years, I blindly agreed to the idea I had to nag and berate myself into performing, but once I started personally observing folks who were great performers AND positive-minded I realized I’d rather be like them than some tortured example of outward excellence, while being internally stuck in discontent and insecurity.

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  9. Something’s going on in the Universe, because I sense a certain melancholy with ALL of us. When days like this hit me, I rise above and know it is ONE day that I’m feeling off, need to shrug it off, be around good positive people and THEN a miracle, the cloud above our heads lift. Wishing you a brilliant and wonderful day.

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    • It may be cliche, but I think collective consciousness is moving in a direction where it’s realizing focus and attention are important factors, and that this will eventually become more apparent in data and science. We’ll see!

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  12. Yes, it’s paramount to be able to be friends with and be happy with yourself. To accept where you’ve been and know your best next move, to notice the needs of others and know how to try to best meet those needs – easier said than done, but near impossible whilst under the relentless cloud of self-focussed self criticism.

    Interesting reference to yourself in the third person! I’m curious, can that idea have a visual representation? Like two halves of a whole, or two separate entities, or concentric circles or a bi-tonal sphere? My self and I have some work to do before we’d be considered unanimous but I’d say my conscience (the little angel on my shoulder, speaking visually) is my own most constant companion – it’s there even when I’m feeling poor about myself. I’d never considered what qualities my self as my closest companion should have, how I’d rather it be described or celebrated. Interesting angle.

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    • I thought it might have had a bit of novel impact because I always hear the idea that if you talked to your best friend like you do yourself, it would be cause for outrage. I feel like the third person kind of emphasizes the connotation that we must consider how we treat ourselves, and also the idea that we live with ourselves more intimately than anyone possibly could, so our treatment of ourselves magnifies and compounds as time passes.

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  13. A delighting thought in the last paragraph, I had never thought about what I would be with in death. Your musings always offer me a new insightful view. I appreciate your posts and I won’t hide I have a little curiosity to know more about who this writer is, specifically what reading may have guided you to such a clear self-sight. I hope this curiosity will be met with appreciation. Have a good day!

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    • I’ve always been an overthinker. I’ve read a wide range of stuff, but I honestly can’t remember a single book that stuck with me as super influential. If I had to pin it on a couple specific things, I’d say a heroic dose of DMT in 2016 as well as Alan Watts’s lectures. I definitely appreciate the curiosity, and I wish you a good day as well!

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