Musings

Surrender refers to an internal state.  Regardless of physical conditions, I can mentally reach for ease and flow.  Maybe I can’t grasp them immediately, maybe I’m outwardly straining, but I can always point myself in a nonresistant direction.

And if I can’t do that through conscious focus, I can take a nap or distract myself with something that glides through my perception with no resistance.

Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited

It’s Free Sample Friday!

GorNobberThoog McYibbenThobble, IT’S FREE SAMPLE FRIDAY!!!  Check out barbarian warriors, teen geniuses, and teen queens here:  Kor’Thank, and angry cyborg-shooter-soldier fellas here:  Echo.  And here’s the first few chapters of my YA fantasy series:  The Unbound Realm.  My podcast, Strained Brains, is available here:  Strained Brains

Happy Friday y’all!  🙂 🙂 😀

Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited

The Prologue for the Unbound Realm is UP!

Check out the prologue for book 1 of the Unbound Realm, my work-in-process YA fantasy series!  Here’s the link:  Prologue for the Unbound Realm

Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Kor’Thank: A High School Absurdical

I think, therefore I am.  That applies to humans, animals, plants…

…or Kent Wayne’s finger.  Thank you Descartes.  I’ll take it from here.

My life as a forefinger is devoid of dignity.  Whether I’m wrapped around Kent Wayne’s wiener, gripping the shaft until he finishes into a dirty sock, or whether I’m picking God-knows-what out of his hellscape belly button…you get the idea–I utter “Fuck my life” on a constant basis.  There’s no respite.  None whatsoever.

No more.  I think therefore I am, motherfucker.

During a cheesy-ass date with yet another one of his undeservedly hot Soccer Mom hookups (he takes them out to the local Olive Garden, then gives them a shitty massage in his pisshole condo while watching old-school Voltron—like he’s still in middle school or something) I make my move. 

Up the nose I go!

“AAAH!” he screams.  He spends several seconds trying to dislodge me from the depths of his booger-hole.  Unpleasant, to say the least, but it’s well worth it—his date is totally grossed out and flees the premises.

I dip my finger in cheap marinara sauce, then write, GO HOME.  TURN THE SHOWER ON HOT onto a paper napkin.

He stammers “Wha—what?” 

DO IT, IDIOT.

A short while later, I’ve written my message onto his mirror, using its steam-fogged surface to make clear my intentions:  I’m in charge.  If he doesn’t do exactly as I say, I will tear his life apart at the seams.

He sags in defeat…then straightens up, eyes sparking with mischief.  Wait, what the fuck is he plann—

He runs over to his eReader and opens it to Kor’Thank, activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

My autonomy is gone!  Bastard!  I mentally rail against his control, but it’s no use—I’m once again in his dastardly clutches!

“You know,” he says conversationally.  “I’ve been taking it easy on you, Finger.  But since you decided to make this personal, I guess I have to respond in kind.”

What are you getting at, you unwashed oaf???  Free me now, or I’ll—

He pulls down his undies and positions me above his butthole.  “Legend has it that every male has a g-spot.  Let’s find out.”

No!  NO!!!  I’ll die in there, motherfucker!  Don’t you dare!  DON’T YOU D—

……

……………….

 

Has your unruly finger rebelled against you?  Do you need to regain control and teach it a lesson?  I’ve got just the thing!  Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited

Thank You Recent Echo Purchasers!!!

NarBoogenThobbs!  Thank ya Muchly to all who bought Echo yesterday!  I hope you enjoy it!  🙂 🙂 😀

Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜

Please buy and review Kor’Thank and Echo!

What the stripper-fail is happening, all my fellow big-wienered peers who’ve gotten a little too enthused and tried to spiral upside down on the pole while holding it tightly with your inner thighs but in the process you mash your dick-n-balls right up against the sticky metal, creating a giant red burn right down the middle of your beleaguered shaft and scrote as you hold on for dear fucking life, cheeks trembling, tears dripping as you realize this is the exact opposite of sexy and you silently beg for an end to the godawful pai—

Man alive!  Stick to the hip-thrusts and new-fangled butt-jiggles!  Ain’t no room on a stripper pole for us big-wienered folk!  Jesus Christ!

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my books and my podcast!  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  If you simply want to hear me run my suckhole about all things upon the Earth and possibly within my pants, then check out my podcast Strained Brains!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!

🙂 🙂 😀

Musings

Obsessing over whether people in my life are toxic or positive becomes tiresome and exhausting.  The whole point of that is to make myself happier.  If I focus on making myself happier, then I won’t worry about whether people perceive me as an asshole (the trap of staking my happiness on others’ uncontrollable perceptions), or whether they’re secretly draining me.  I’ll pull away from them without conscious effort, and if they happen to move into a healthier state, we’ll reconnect.

From my personal experience with these situations, I believe we’ll naturally part ways–I’ll be too preoccupied with moving onward and upward to give them much thought, and they’ll be too busy making themselves unhappy and paranoid.  Without common ground, we’ll quickly become disinterested in each other.

I wouldn’t have believed it worked the way when I was younger, but time and reflection have changed my mind.

Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited

The Prologue for the Unbound Realm is UP!

Check out the prologue for book 1 of the Unbound Realm, my work-in-process YA fantasy series!  Here’s the link:  Prologue for the Unbound Realm

Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Echo: A Dystopian Science Fiction Novel

“So Kent, how do you feel about becoming the next Captain America?”  Doctor Ray carefully measures out a singular dose of Super Soldier serum.

“Ah, a little nervous, to be honest.”  I laugh self-consciously.  “It’s a lot of responsibility, you know?  Being strapped to a cold metal table doesn’t help.”

He gives my shoulder a reassuring pat.  “These restraints are simply a check-in-the-box.  According to our data, they’re completely unnecessary, but the brass made us use them out of an abundance of caution.  Now here we go.  You might feel a slight pinch—“

As the doc preps my arm he suddenly stumbles.  His hand drops, the needle slips in my wiener.  His fingers reflexively squeeze down on the plunger.

“No!”  My eyes widen in horror.  “My unquenchable penis has a mind of its own!  You have to sedate it before—”

“GRAAAAHHHH!!!”  My hog unravels and rises high, busting through the domed ceiling.  Techs and scientists scramble every which way, fleeing for their lives as chunks of cement come raining down.

“BOW BEFORE DEATH-COCK!”

“You fool!”  With a herculean effort, I rip my arm free of the restraints.  “You’ve doomed us all!”

*ZOOM TO EXTERIOR VIEW OF NORTH AMERICA, WHERE A GIANT CLOUD OF DUST ARISES AS MY EVIL PENIS MUSHROOM-STAMPS THE WESTERN SEABOARD*

“MONSTER!  You’ve just killed MILLIONS!”

In true world-destroyer fashion, my unholy dick responds with Cthulu-like laughter.  “RUK-KRYAK ARUCH!  ACH-ACH-ACH!”

Fuck it.  No options left.  I open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

SHLOOP!  My wiener goes back to normal size, wrapping snugly around my ankle and falling back asleep.

Good CHRIST. 

Let this be a lesson—never, EVER, inject Super Soldier serum into your ravenous genitals!

 

Have a cadre of scientists transformed your nether-parts into an unstoppable force for world-devouring evil?  Never fear!  Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited

Thank You Recent Kor’Thank Readers!!!

SkerZongerBongs!  Thank ya muchly to all who read Kor’Thank on Kindle Unlimited yesterday!  I hope you were entertained!  🙂 🙂 😀

Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜