“What the fuck?”  My soccer mom clients are seated on either side of me.  Someone abducted us, assembled us in an otherwise empty theater, and tied us to rows of front-facing chairs.

“Did you do this?”  I shoot a glance at a soccer mom.  “Why?”  I strain against my ropes. 

“Don’t be an idiot, Kent,” the nearest one hisses.  “To enjoy your Man Whore services, we require the full use of your athletic musculature.  Your girthy upcurve can work by itself, but experiencing it solo would miss the forest for the tr—”

“SILENCE!”  Grammar Nazi Prime strides onto the stage, hands folded behind his back.  “YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELVES!” 

“For WHAT?” A soccer mom yells.  “I don’t even—”

“NO ONE WILL FUCK ME!”  He drops to his knees and clutches the air.  “AAAARRRGGHHH!!!”  He pops back up and points at my face.  “And YOU!  You’re getting PAID FOR IT!”

Receding hairline, nonexistent jawline, clear deprivation of vitamin D, resulting in lackluster muscle tone and skinny-fat dadbod…

“No way,” I whisper.  “The ultimate incel.”

“THAT’S RIGHT!”  He drops his pants, revealing a wiener that would make a freezing wet hamster point and laugh.  “YOU THINK ANYONE’S GONNA PUT THEIR MOUTH ON A FLESHY LITTLE THIMBLE?  ONE THAT RESEMBLES A DEFORMED MOLE RAT BABY?  THINK A-FUCKING-GAIN!”

The Soccer Moms immediately start barfing and wailing.  Tears of blood leak down their cheeks, triggered by the Cthulu-rivaling horror between his legs.  One of them bursts into an ugly-crying sob-rant, going in depth about her wish for a handy wakizashi, so she can engage in a bout of ritualized seppuku. 

My body starts rebelling—blood leaks out my organs and brims from my lips.  Pretty soon, we’re all gonna look like the crew in Event Horizon, when they teleported into a soul-killing hellscape. 

Fuck that.  No options left.  So I worm an arm free, reach in my pocket, and open my eReader to a Kent Wayne novel, activating its mind-bending reality distortion powers.  Magic flash. 

My wiener rips through the center of my pants, expanding into a Godzilla-sized column of veiny flesh.  As its shadow eclipses Grammar Nazi Prime, he whispers, “Mother of G—”

That’s all he gets out before it comes rocketing down, enveloping his head with the remains of my foreskin.  SHLOOP.  It’s like someone ambushed him with an old-school diving helmet, only this one’s made of stank-ass dickskin. 

“AHGODNO!”  He wrestles with the folds of my dick, trying like hell to pull it off his mug.  As smegma begins to secrete from the wrinkles, my nemesis erupts with a high-pitched scream:  “EEEEEEEEE—”  Then it cuts off and he sags to his knees. 

While all that was happening, the Soccer Moms managed to wriggle free of their restraints.  Now they’re charging the stage, swamping the corpse of my age-old nemesis.  Kicks and punches rain down on his body, giving him the extra Fuck-You he so richly deserves.

Welp, that’s what you get for messing with a Man Whore’s milf clientele!  HEH heh heh!

Kent Wayne wins again!

😀

Has Grammar Nazi Prime tied you and your lovers up in an empty theater, then subjected you to body horror that would make John Wayne Gacy shit himself in terror?  Never fear!  Buy my books, weaponize your genitals, and give that fool the death he deserves!

Get A Door into Evermoor on kindle here: A Door into Evermoor. Paperback here: A Door into Evermoor, paperback.  Get Weapons of Old here: Weapons of Old Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1 

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!     #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing

“We found it,” Darth Maul hisses.  “Your little black client book—it’s FUCKING FILTHY!”  Darth Maul extends a hand, freezing me in place with his Dark Side energy. 

“HRRGH.”  I try and fight it, but there’s nothing there for me to grab.  Headrush-sparkles dance through my vision—pretty soon, it’s gonna start closing in at the edges.

“MY MOTHER!”  Darth Vader busts through a wall and levels his lightsaber at my face.  “YOU GAPED HER OUT LIKE A THANKSGIVING TURKEY!’

“What…did…you…expect.”  My eyes tick over to him.  “I’m…an…award-winning…Man Whore.”

“Not for long,” Maul rasps.  “In less than a minute, you’ll be a lifeless piece of—”

Fuck it.  No options left.  So I reach in my pocket and open my eReader to a Kent Wayne novel, activating its mind-bending reality distortion powers.  Magic flash. 

“I’ve gained access to power…that dwarfs your ridiculous kid-party parlor tricks.”  I extend a hand toward Maul, mirroring his finger-curled gesture.

“Have you?”  He chuckles sardonically and tightens his Force-choke.  “I assure you that—”

I flex my will and tense my fingers, causing him to double at the waist and clutch his belly.

“OH DEAR JESUS!”  Even though he’s got a robot butt, my poop-yourself-powers don’t have limits—motor oil, organs, and foul-smelling liquids erupt out his backend.  “AH-GOD-PLEASE!”  Tears leak down his red-and-black cheeks.  “MERCY—I BEG OF YOU!”

I swivel left, pointing my curl-fingered hand at Darth Vader’s helmet.  He deactivates his saber, raises his hands, and quavers, “Whoa—hey now.  I was kidding around, you know?”  He shakes with a nervous, don’t-hurt-me giggle.  “Um…my mom’s hot, everyone knows that.  I don’t blame you for—”

I flex my will and rasp, “You’re making this weird.”

“AAAHHHHH!!!”  He clutches his gut as hamsters, beer bottles, and half-digested food shoot out his dirt-star. 

“What’s going on here?!?”  Leia comes stomping in.  Her face lights up as she lasers in on me.  “My favorite Man Whore!”

I glance down at my upcurve, then shoot her a weighted, wink-wink look.  “It’s here if you want it.”

She wipes drool off her mouth with the back of her wrist.  “Hot damn!  The Widener cometh!”  (Everyone’s got a nickname for it).

As she slips a hand into the crook of my elbow, Vader reaches out with a trembling arm.  “Fuck…no…NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!”

Music to my ears!  HEH heh heh!

Kent Wayne wins again!

😀

Have you been accosted by a couple of jealous-ass Sith lords?  Never fear!  Buy my books, make ’em shit out their organs, then widen their family members for money, prestige, and/or sheer petty vengeance! 

Get A Door into Evermoor on kindle here: A Door into Evermoor. Paperback here: A Door into Evermoor, paperback.  Get Weapons of Old here: Weapons of Old Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1 

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!     #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing